Crossroads, Stop Signs and Blinders

I'm currently at a crossroads in life.

My path, my journey, the Lord, has led me here. Why? For what? What lies ahead?

I have absolutely no idea.

I'm here, standing at this point and there are thousands of roads surrounding me. There are so many choices, so many options, so many directions. I know that I am at a crossroads, but sometimes it feels like God has me at a huge stop sign and has put blinders on me. I don't even know where to begin because I can't see anything. I don't even really know what my options are. I have so many, yet I have none.

The job search is getting discouraging. The church search is overwhelming. I long for fellowship and community, but how do I meet new people?

I have thousands of thoughts running through my head. Sorry this is all over the place. I thought I was going to blog about churches. Maybe not.

I go back to my analogy of the road and I get frustrated with God. All I want is to do His will. All I want is to walk down His path. All I want is to make His name famous in the world. And I have NO idea what that is supposed to look like in my life right now. I'm blinded to everything. It's not like He's showed me three paths and I have to choose. I'm standing there, (*) stopped in my tracks and have no idea what lies ahead. Because I can't see anything, my first instinct is to feel abandoned by God, that because He is not showing me, He is not leading me. But that's a lie. I have to remind myself of the truth God proclaims. That He will never leave me or forsake me.

And when I turn it around, I am thankful for the blindness. Because if I saw a thousand roads in front of me, I would surely be overwhelmed. The Lord is protecting me.

I have to constantly remind myself of His truths. He is for me and not against me. He is with me. He has the best possible plan for my life. He will never leave my side. He knows what is ahead, and it is good. He is trustworthy.

And as I was sitting here typing, right when I got to the (*) that I put up there, was when my phone rang. A call from someone I had emailed about a babysitting job. Because the Lord is faithful. It definitely put things into perspective. I had set up to meet with the lady, but once I looked up where they live, it turns out it isn't going to work out. She just needed someone next week to walk her son to and from school, and they live too far away for it to be worthwhile. So I had to call back. Bummer. BUT... it was definitely a reminder of who is in control. The Lord knows my heart. He knows what is ahead, He knows where He wants me. And He WILL make it work out. May His will be done.

Job Update

Well, I didn't get the job.

Kind of stinks cause I think that I would have really liked it, and I think it is something that I would have been really good at, but oh well. I'm not super bummed. The whole thing came out of nowhere, so I never really had my heart set on it or anything. I guess it's just not where the Lord wanted me, which I am so okay with.

Honestly, I don't even feel rejected. I know I didn't mess the "interview" up. I was qualified for the job. They didn't really have anything to base it off of, so, I'm fine.

And...the job hunt continues. I've applied for more teaching positions, both as the teacher and as an aide. I've also emailed tons of people about babysitting or nannying jobs in the area. I haven't heard back from anyone yet, so we'll see where things go. If you have any job ideas in the Richmond area, let me know.

I would love any prayers about this too. I just keep praying that the Lord would put me exactly where he wants me and with the people he wants me to be with. Still in a season of unknown, but really trying to embrace it. The Lord SO has a plan. And it's the BEST plan I could ever imagine! Heck yeah!

The Interview and Shoe Catastrophe

(Janelle, this blog is for you.)

Okay. So this interview. Let me first start out by saying every single part of this job interview/process has been weird. Just weird. Not in a bad way. It's just been crazy. Like the ONLY way to explain it, is God. Like things have just come out of nowhere, been crazy, unconventional and just weird. And I really don't mean that in a negative way at all. I really think the Lord has just been blessing me a lot.

So I get a call on Tuesday and set up an interview for Thursday morning. Lisa and I were in the car, on our way to James' house in Georgia for the night. Then we were driving all day Wednesday. So I set up the interview, and I'm excited. Lisa was great and really excited with me! And then about 15 minutes later, I turn to her with the realization that I don't have ANY interview clothes to wear. All I had with me were jeans. Everything I own is in my grandma's basement in NJ, so when I got to Richmond, I still wouldn't have any more of my clothes. I had one pair of dress pants with all the stuff I had since Chicago, but when I packed for Lisa and my trip at the beach, I left them with the stuff that I gave my mom to take to NJ. I could always just go buy some clothes, which is what I figured I would do. But, when? James' school is in the middle of nowhere and we were going to be in the car, basically until my interview. Lovely. Lisa said that she had a pair of dress pants that I could try, but she thought they would be too big. We were going to figure it all out once we got to James' house.

At this point I was thinking that I would wake up early on Thursday and try to go to Target before my interview. But that seemed to be pushing it a little bit. What if I didn't find anything? I needed dress pants and a nice shirt. I thankfully had some shoes I could work with. Brown flats and black flats.

So we get to James' house and are hanging out. I found out that I didn't know I applied for this job, couldn't find any information online about the school, and decided I should figure out what I was going to wear. I tried Lisa's pants on. I needed a belt, but they pretty much fit. They were a little baggy, but that was the style of the pants. The problem though: they were REALLY long. I definitely couldn't wear my flats. Luckily, (or maybe not so luckily) Lisa had a bunch of dress shoes that we had been carting around in her car. They had just been in her car the whole trip. So we go out and get a pair of round toed boots with heels and a pair of pointed toed shoes that had like 3 inch heels. I went for the boots first. They weren't quite high enough, but I could make them work. I tried the other heels on and they looked a lot better. They were dressier and high enough for the pants.

Okay, so let me tell you. I DON'T wear heels. Like never. If I do, their the little half inch heels and I only wear them for whatever outing I'm going to, so only a couple hours. Stiletto's are NOT my thing.

So I put these shoes on and try to walk across the room. James and Lisa BUSTED out laughing! I looked like a fool. My ankles were shaking, my feet were slipping out of the shoes and I looked like I was walking with a stick up my butt. Seriously. They were laughing out loud at me. I told them I never wear heels. The shoes looked a lot better, but I was planning on going for the boots. I borrowed Lisa's pants, both pairs of shoes, a nice shirt and a cardigan. Still not sure what I was going to wear, but I had an option. (Thanks Lisa, you're the best!)

Okay so fast forward to Wednesday night. Lisa and I had just spent the day in the car and I arrived in Richmond right before dinner. I hadn't decided what I was going to wear. I could either go to Target that night, go the next morning, or wear Lisa's outfit. I was going to put on Lisa's outfit for Katie and see what she thought. If she thought it worked, I was just going to stick with it.

I put the outfit on with the boots and showed Katie. She said that it worked, but the other shoes would look better. I put them on and it definitely looked better. But again, that problem of 'I stink at wearing heels' came up. I also have a problem with dress shoes in general. My heels are really narrow, thanks to my dad's side of the family, and so shoes slip off the back of my feet really easily. Which makes me buy dress shoes in smaller sizes so my foot is more squished and my heel doesn't slip. (I know, this is one of many reason's I'm not a fan of dressing up) So Lisa and I have the same size feet, but these Stiletto's were definitely too big. But definitely made the outfit look more dressed up. And I wanted to dress to impress.

So I decide that I am going to stuff the front of the shoes with toilet paper to make them fit and just bite the bullet and wear them. They were going to look a lot better AND this was just an interview, right? All I had to do was walk from the car to the school and back. They weren't going to judge me on my high heel walking abilities, and they weren't going to see them either. (or so I thought)

I wore the shoes to the interview.

As I was walking out the door, for some reason, just felt like it was a bad decision. I went to get into the car and literally thought, "how the heck am I going to drive with these things on." I ended up making it to the school in one piece. Thankfully.

I made my trek into the school and got there in one piece. (Phew!) I checked in with the office, someone came and got me and walked me to where the principal was. I felt like a fool walking. Seriously. I do not look graceful in stilettos.

I talked with the principal and she told me all about the school. She didn't really ask me any questions. She said that they were going to give me a tour of the school, let me sit in on a class if I had time, and then we would talk again. Okay, cool. But...crap...a tour of the school? That requires walking. In heels. Arg.

So I walk with this guy all around the school praying that I don't trip and fall! I was walking SO slow cause the shoes were slipping off my feet and I was walking on my tippy-toes. The whole thing was just not a good combination. The more I walked, the more the toilet paper in the toe of my shoes was getting scrunched. So the more I walked, the bigger the shoes were getting. I seriously just kept praying I wouldn't fall over and make a fool out of myself!

After the tour, I went in and observed a class. For two and half hours! This was not your typical interview by any means. It was great to be in the class though, I really felt like I got a feel for the school and the students. I took my feet like half way out of my shoes while I was sitting in the class. And I have to admit, I may have also pulled the toilet paper out of the toe of the shoes, unscrunched it, and put it back. Yeah, that's embarrassing.

Someone came and got me, I met with the principal and a couple other people again and asked them a million questions about the school and the job. I kept waiting for them to interview ME and ask ME questions. It didn't happen. We talked for a while and they answered all my questions, and then I left. I safely made it to the car. (whew!)

As I drove home, I realized that this was the weirdest interview ever! Cause they didn't interview me. Like I said, this whole thing has just been WEIRD. I did really like the school though and I think I would like the job. It was a perfect first job.

I haven't heard from them yet, but I'm pretty sure I didn't get the job. No one has called me, but from my application online it looks like they hired someone else. Oh, well. I'm not crazy bummed about it. I definitely wanted the job, but it came out of nowhere and was just kind of crazy in and of itself, that I wasn't really ever completely "set" on getting it. The whole process was weird, and totally from the Lord. That's the only way I can explain it. But if he can plop an interview down in my lap like that once, He can do it again.

Lesson Learned: NEVER WEAR STILETTOS

Here is a little visual.


Joy's version of wearing heels (and sometimes even this is a sacrifice)


The kind of shoes I was wearing

...because God is THAT cool!

So while I was on this crazy road trip, Lisa and I met TONS of new people. And when you meet someone new, they ask you your name and where you're from. Well, I know my name. But when it comes to where I am from, I'm never quite sure what to say. Do I say Charlottesville because that's where I grew up? I don't live there anymore and honestly, don't really have any consistent ties there either. I no longer consider it home. But, then if we're talking "where do you consider home?" thats a completely different question. The place I feel most at home: is actually Lake Champion. Kinda weird, but so true. Once I get on that property there is this huge sigh of relief that I'm home and where everything makes sense. But a camp? That's not really where I'm from. It's not even home, even though it feels like it. While I was at Calvin, I refused to say that I was from Michigan. I am NOT from Michigan. I love the people of Grand Rapids, but those are not my roots. Norfolk was starting to feel like home, but now there aren't any ties there anymore. My typical response became "Virginia." "Where are you from?" "I'm from Virginia." Virginia is home. I don't know where in Virginia, but I so love that state! Perfect weather, mountains, lakes and beaches; it's got it all. I love identifying myself with Virginia. But then people would say, "oh yeah, where in Virginia?" My quick and easy response, "I grew up in Charlottesville, but now my parents live in Norfolk." Once my parents moved to NYC I wasn't sure how to respond. I typically would either just say "Virginia" or, "I grew up in Charlottesville." And then if asked would explain that I went to school in Michigan, my parents moved twice while I was in college and are now living in NYC. Which would always get an interesting response.

But on this road trip, I had no idea how to respond. I was living no where. I was living wherever we were in our trip. I left Chicago on Dec. 10th and our road trip ended Jan. 12th. I lived out of a suitcase for a month, just traveling around. It was awesome! I loved it for sure, but never knew how to answer the many questions when you first meet someone. Like, "where are you from?" "So what are you up to now?" "So where do you live?" "what do you mean you don't live anywhere?" I think I told a couple people I was homeless. Granted, I'm not really, and I explained, but throughout the whole road trip, I had no idea what was going to happen, come Jan. 12th. I have been praying and praying about where God wants me. I want to be close to family, but thats just a preference. I just want to be where God wants me. I'm not tied down, I can go anywhere. It really doesn't matter to me. I had lots of offers, lots of options, and it basically came down to either NYC with my parents or Richmond with my brother, sister in law and two nephews. Both places I would be crashing on the couch. Originally I didn't think Richmond would be an option, but my brother offered before Christmas, so that was on the table now.

Leaving the beach with my family to start Lisa and my road trip, I had no idea where I was going to be. I had looked at nanny jobs in NYC and teaching jobs in Richmond. Had applied for a few jobs in Richmond and hadn't heard from any of them, but it was still the holiday season. I have been praying about this next season for probably close to a year. And it was kind of the thing that I was bringing to Passion to really pray about and hope that the Lord called me somewhere. I was continuing to make Richmond connections, as well as NYC and even new connections of places I could go. Like thinking about even Charlottesville, or helping out with Young Life in the Virgin Islands, or being near Janelle in Orlando. The possibilities are endless. I just want to be where God wants me.

I had talked to J.J. (my brother) about living with him and Katie. I was thinking that was where I wanted to be, but still didn't feel like I got a huge thumbs up from God. The craziest thing through all of this, over the past year, is that the Lord has poured out his peace on me like I've never experienced before. None of it has been stressful. I haven't been freaking out. I've actually been LOVING it! I love the idea of the unknown. I love knowing that the Lord knows exactly where he wants me and that his plan is by far the best plan I could ever imagine! I've been loving the adventure of not knowing, but knowing whatever it is, it will be amazing. A huge thing I learned at Passion, is that it really doesn't matter where I am. As long as I go there with the Gospel, God is going to use me. It doesn't matter where I am, as long as I have the right equipment.

So while we were in Orlando, JJ called and wanted to confirm that I would be living with them. I wasn't really ready to make the commitment to it, cause I still didn't know what the Lord was doing, but I knew they needed to know, and I felt like I needed to start walking in a direction. So I told them that was the plan, it could change, but that's what we were going to count on. I just said to the Lord, "okay, God, I'm going to start walking, I'm going to walk in this direction, please open and close the right doors." I didn't know what the Lord wanted me to do, and I don't think he calls us to wait around for a huge sign telling us which way to go. So I just started walking and left my hands open. We made a plan to go get my stuff in New Jersey and I was going to be crashing on the couch until I found a job, a car and a place to settle.

On Tuesday, as Lisa and I were in the car driving to Georgia I got a call from a number I didn't know. It was an 804 number, which is Richmond. I thought maybe this was a job prospect and answered. I was right. It was a principal and she wanted to interview me! I set up an interview for Thursday morning. Okay so a couple things. One, this job dropped out of nowhere! God is awesome. I applied to a ton of schools and positions, so didn't even know which one it was. I was going to have to do research once we got to James' house. Two, I have no idea what I was thinking in setting up an interview for 9am on Thursday morning. Lisa and I were planning on getting in late Wednesday night, so I wasn't going to have time to prepare much. I haven't done a lot of interviewing and I needed to do some research about the school. Oh yeah, and you know how I was living out of a suitcase for the last month? I did NOT have ANY interview clothes with me. All I had was jeans! Lisa said she had a pair of pants I could try, or maybe I was just gonna go shopping.

So that night at James' house I tried to research the school. The website had a letter from the principal for the 2004-2005 school year and the principal had changed since then. So I really didn't find anything out about the school. I did find out though that it was a Henrico County Public School and not a Richmond City Public School. So this was a HUGE shock to me, cause I didn't even know I applied for this job! It's kind of long and complicated, but I didn't finish the paperwork and so didn't know I applied for the job. Crazy! But seriously, it just makes me think about how COOL God is! I don't know what I'm doing, this interview comes out of nowhere, with great timing (I didn't even waste a day!) and I didn't even know I applied for the job! Talk about God plopping a huge plate right in front of me, spoon feeding me, and even chewing for me! Okay, weird analogy, but really, I didn't do ANYTHING!

The interview went well. I think. It's hard to know. It's kind of another whole story, and this is long, so that will have to come later. Moral of the story: God is awesome, totally in control, and knows what he's doing! :)

Pictures!

Leaving the Outer Banks. Ready for an amazing road trip!


Lisa and Grandma


Walmart stop in Charlotte


Breakfast at Lisa's Grandparent's house


Matt ShorTT! Such a dear friend!


The first of MANY Chick-fil-a stops


We went to downtown Atlanta to watch the Peach Drop for New Years


Rachel and Laura - I did summer staff with these girls four years ago!


Love this picture, and LOVE these guys! Matt and Tucker


Kaitlyn, me and Lisa - dinner downtown before midnight


They were giving out free Coke!


Mini Intern Reunion! Love these folks :)


This is how we brought in the new year. We couldn't even move there were so many people. Like literally, could NOT move.


Yellow Community Group and Purple session schedule


Hanging out right after we registered




David Crowder Band Concert


Waffle House was a staple of the trip :)


LOVE HER!


Lisa and I up front for worship


We ran into JAMES!!! SO MUCH FUN!


Playing games while waiting in line to get into the arena


"Do Something Now"


Our room at Sharp Top


Laundry time




The Original Chick-fil-a!


The awesome basket Charlie's mom left on the bed for us :) such great hospitality!


Lisa, her sister and brother in law. The crazies who ran the marathon!


Sisters are the best!

So there are more pictures, but Lisa has them, once I get them I'll add them.

Best Road Trip Ever!

Hanging out in Orlando continued to be so much fun! Lisa ran the marathon with her sister and FINISHED! Yay! They ran it in 4 hours and 26 minutes. (That is far too long to run if you ask me) But I keep hearing, that if you're gonna run a marathon, run Disney's cause there is lots of excitement and things to keep you entertained while dying. It was great to hang out with my sister, meet some more people in her life and stay with the Morgan's. They were fantastic!

We left Orlando and started our drive back to Virginia. We made a stop in Georgia and stayed with a friend, James. It was lots of fun. James was a summer staffer when Lisa and I were interns. He was our honorary waterfront person cause he was a landscaper, but always helping us out. We randomly ran into him at Passion (SO CRAZY) and he invited us to crash at his place on our way back to Virginia. We met tons of his friends, hung out and played lots of mafia. It was a blast.

The next morning we finally headed back home. Well, kind of home. I currently don't have a home and where I was going to be next was a bit up in the air. More to come on that later, but I was headed to Richmond for now. We made good time, sang lots of songs, had some great talks and finished up our road trip. Was it epic? ABSOLUTELY!

Lisa and I spent two weeks road tripping around the east coast and I wouldn't have wanted to do it with anyone else! I can't even explain how much fun it was! And thank the Lord, we didn't get sick of each other :) We managed to stay in 3 different states, 6 different locations, drove through 5 states, spent roughly 36 hours in the car together and managed to find 42 of the 50 states' license plates (we even got Alaska!). We rocked out to some amazing music, had great conversations, spent time with dear friends, made tons of new friends, learned together, worshiped together, laughed a lot and created unforgettable memories. It. Was. A. BLAST!

A photo montage will be up shortly, once I get the pictures up.

Road Trip Update

Okay, so I've been horrible at blogging through this road trip. Once Passion hit, I got so overwhelmed and knew I wouldn't be able to keep up. We got like no sleep, so I definitely didn't have time to write and there is WAY too much to write about. BUT...I promise I'm going to come back to it. Way too much truth and way too many things to talk about and process through to not talk about it. But it may take a whole year to process through. I'm not even kidding, and I'm praying about actually doing that. We'll see.

So, we'll put Passion on hold. It was amazing. Phenomenal. Words can't describe. An encounter with Jesus.

After Passion, Lisa and I drove north to Sharptop Cove which is a Young Life camp. Her mom was working there for the staff training. It was my first time there, so I was excited to see another camp. We helped out in the bakery, hung out and caught up on some much needed sleep. It was a lot of fun. We played mafia both nights we were there with some of the area interns and it was a blast! I forgot how much I loved that game. I got to be the town mayor, which I love. It was fun meeting people, making Young Life connections and just hanging out at a Young Life camp. Oh how I love them.

Friday morning we left Georgia and drove down to Orlando. On the way we stopped at one of the first ever Chick-fil-a's which was awesome. It was called the Dwarf House. You could sit down and have someone come take your order. It was fun. We had time to kill on our drive, so took the time to go there. Loads of fun. We made another stop at Waffle House, which was the third time that week, but it's cheap and fast, so it works.

We got to Orlando and hung out with my sister for a bit. Then we headed to Charlie's house where we stayed the night. Charlie was another intern from Champion two summers ago, when Lisa and I met. We stayed the night at his parent's house, which was great. His mom was awesome. So hospitable. She left a basket on the bed with girly magazines, granola bars, chocolates and bottled water. It was great.

The next day we went out to lunch with some of Lisa's family and I met up with Janelle afterwards. It's been so fun to spend some sister time together! We've just been catching up, hanging out and seeing people. So fun. We had amazing homemade pizza and watched a movie with Emily and Chris (the family my sister lives with). So fun to finally meet them!

This morning we went to church, which was amazing. So fun to be back and see all of Janelle's (or JJ or Jage to the people here) friends. We then went out to lunch afterwards, hung out, went to a dollar movie, and then went to an engagement party! Janelle (a different Janelle, hence the nicknames) and Eric got engaged tonight and we all went to celebrate with them! So fun! Their families did such a great job honoring them, their relationship and the Lord. It was so fun to be there.

And thats a short version of the update. I'm having so much fun enjoying life and this season right now. A huge season of an unknown future, but absolutely LOVING it! I love not knowing. The Lord has a plan. And I am so confident in that! He has given me such peace. And I'm excited to see his plan unfold. It's the best plan ever! I'm just trusting the Lord, walking slowly and saying, "okay God, I think this is where I might be going. Stop me at any point. Open and close doors." And that's where I'm at. I'm slowly walking towards living in Richmond with my brother, sister in law and two nephews. That's the plan for now. It could very well change. It is so in his hands.

North Carolina

Thursday morning Lisa and I left the Outer Banks and headed for Charlotte. We took back roads the whole way, which ended up being fine. We drove through some small towns, but other than that, things moved along quickly. It took us a little over 6 hours and we only stopped once for gas. My kind of road trip :)

We arrived in Charlotte and went to Lisa's aunt and uncles house. I got to meet them and her cousin and we hung out for a little bit. Then we went to her grandparents house where we stayed the night. Her grandparents are adorable and were so sweet and welcoming. We helped her grandma out with a couple odd jobs like setting up her wireless internet and printer and helping her move some clothes around. We had a great dinner, made a trip to walmart, and crashed for the night.

Friday we met up with Matt, Laura and Rachel to caravan to get Tucker and then head to Atlanta. On our way to meet them Lisa gave me a crash course in driving stick. I was scared. I only stalled when we were parking, so it wasn't as bad as it could have been.We drove to South Carolina, picked up Tucker and continued on to Atlanta!

We got here yesterday, checked into our hotel and went downtown for New Years. We went to the Peach Drop! It was fun. Crazy crowded, but it was fun.

Today we're off to go check in for registration and Passion starts tonight. I can't wait! I'm so super excited! I'll try to keep you updated!

Pictures are on Lisa's camera. I'll add some later.