The Engagement!

Crazy how my last entry was on anticipation, all the way back in JANUARY! Oh my how things can change. Well, although I never wrote about any of the process (it would have been a whole book!) since my last entry I have met the most amazing man in the world, started dating him, fell in love and got ENGAGED!!! WOW! Talk about some SERIOUS work the Lord did. All in his perfect timing for our lives. He is SO good! And SO faithful! Oh my goodness! So faithful!

WARNING: this is the most sappy thing I have ever written. But it’s because the love of my life is just so darn amazing! (just wanted you to know, I’m fully aware :)

Since I’m sure you don’t want to be bored with me going back and completely recapping everything that has happened, I thought I would just write out the FULL story of how he proposed. Cause lots of people have been asking.

For me, it all started when I heard how AJ Penninga proposed while the Lady Knights swimming and diving team drove back from the St. Mary’s meet (a tradition). It’s a long story, but he sent his girlfriend to a series of destinations throughout the day. She woke up in the morning with a GPS and coordinates wrapped in a t-shirt that said, “my boyfriend is proposing today and so far, this is all I’ve got.” It was that night that I started praying my husband would be thoughtful. Not many guys naturally are. But I SO wanted to find a man that would be.

So when talking about a proposal with Dustin, I explained to him that I wanted anticipation much more than a “surprise.” To me, anticipation is much more fun! (noted in the previous post) So I told him that I wanted him to tell me the day of that he was proposing, but that I didn’t know when. To me, that is SO FUN! And so exciting! (We also both knew he wasn’t going to “catch me off guard” – we had already picked a date for the wedding) Most girls dream about their wedding, I've always dreamt about the proposal story. It was SO important to me. But I didn't let Dustin know that...I didn't want him feel the pressure of it. 

I knew the exact day he was going to propose, and he knew I did. He didn’t have many options. So he started the anticipation even earlier than I thought.

On Wednesday I woke up and a note had been slid under my door. On the front it said, “3 days.” Inside he had written a bunch of extremely sweet things and said that in three days we would be able to start the beginning of the rest of our lives together.

On Thursday I woke up to a clue, telling me where to find a note that he had hid in my room. On the front it said, “2 days...” Ah! I love the anticipation! :) Inside he had written even more sweet things and had given me a significant amount of money. In the note he said that at some point we would need to get engagement pictures taken, and I could use this money to go shopping for a new outfit if I wanted to. He is SO great! I just love him so much! On Thursday he had also told me that I wasn’t going to get to sleep in on Friday because I was going to need to leave the house by 8:30am.

On Friday I woke up to another clue which led me to another note. On the front it said, “1 day!” Inside was another note and two coupons. He had everything all arranged. I had a 9:00am appointment to get a massage, which was a GREAT massage! I then went shopping, then at 2:00pm had another appointment to get a manicure, pedicure and a facial! I was pampered all day long! (and of course he wanted me to have nice nails to show off his KILLER ring! ;) He just loves to spoil me and as strange as it feels sometimes, I’ll take it! :) He is SO thoughtful!

And then the big day FINALLY arrived!!! He had told me that we were going to have to leave his sister’s house (where I live) by 5:15am. So we both got up early and around 5:00 he came to pick me up. Now, this man is not super great at keeping secrets…he gets so excited and just tells me things that lead to me figuring things out, BUT he did a FANTASTIC job keeping the proposal details a secret. I had NO idea what we were going to do that day! Before we left he stopped and started saying things really seriously and telling me how much he loves me and stuff and then pulled out a ring box. In my head I was thinking, “no! I don’t want you to propose first thing! Where’s my anticipation?!” but all that I said was, “really? Are you serious?” He got down on one knee. And opened the ring box. Inside was a piece of paper. That stinker! (I was so relieved!) On the piece of paper it said, “lets go watch the sunrise. In a way you’ve always wanted.”

We then got in the car and he started driving. He had orange juice and fruit in the car for breakfast. (We both LOVE fruit!) We drove for about an hour and then he pulled off on an exit and said, “we’re not at our destination yet, but I need to pull over and tell you where we’re going.” So we pulled into the parking lot of a 7-11 and he parked (in the middle of the parking lot, not in a parking spot). He then told me I had to get out of the car. I was SO confused! I had no idea what was going on. I got out of the car, he set his friend’s gopro (really small, high quality sports videocamera) up on the roof of the car and handed me an envelope. It was from my parents. Ever since I was little I’ve wanted to go on a hot air balloon ride. Like have always, always wanted to go! For my seventeenth birthday my parents gave me a card that said when the weather got nice, I could take a friend and we would all go on a hot air balloon ride. But I’m 24 and we still haven’t gone. Dustin had contacted my parents and my dad wrote me a note that they were finally making true on their gift and Dustin and I were going on a hot air balloon ride!!! Yay! Seriously something I’ve ALWAYS wanted to do! It was so much fun! It was so great and so special and so fantastic!

After we got back to the car, Dustin gave me another notecard. I opened it up and it was two tickets to Discovery Cove, where you get to go interact and swim with dolphins! AGAIN, something I’ve ALWAYS wanted to do! When I was little, for a LONG time, I wanted to be a dolphin trainer. And when I decided to become a teacher instead, I still really wanted to go swimming with dolphins. Yet ANOTHER dream come true! So we headed to Discover Cove and spent the day there. We got to go snorkeling, pet stingray, feed birds, swim around a river, and interact and swim with dolphins! It was SO much fun! We just got to spend the day together, doing new things and enjoying time together.

We then headed back to his sister’s house, showered and changed. Now the anticipation REALLY started to set in!!! I knew the proposal was coming shortly! And I was getting so so giddy and excited!

Next he blindfolded me, put me in the car and we drove off. I am still new to Orlando roads, so got lost and confused rather quickly. We drove around for a while, and I had NO idea where we were going. The only place I had thought of that we might go was to a lake where he asked me to be his girlfriend when I visited in April. I was REALLY hoping that was NOT where we were going. There are just lots of people there, and I don’t have super good feelings associated with that place. (I was a little freaked out about the whole boyfriend/girlfriend thing and didn’t really know what I was supposed to be thinking and feeling, and so all of that just wasn’t the best memory and I was hoping he wasn’t going to take me there.) So we finally park and he leads me out of the car. This is super scary by the way! (Cause I was blindfolded) I was feeling so disoriented and turned around. We walked a little ways, then he stopped me and walked away (he set the video camera up on the ground), then came back and moved me over a little bit.

He grabbed my hands and told me to open my eyes. I looked around and quickly realized we were at the park my sister got married at! Standing where we had our first conversation! I was SO EXCITED! I know this may sound like, “duh, what other special place would he propose at?” But the thought of being there NEVER EVER crossed my mind! (which is crazy cause I’m pretty good at guessing things) It was PERFECT! I was so excited! This was the only moment I almost cried…it was so special to me.

He then told me a ton of really great and amazing things and got down on one knee and asked me to marry him. I said “YES!”

WOOOHOOO!!!!! AHHH!!!!! YAY!!!!! ::so so so great::

I then had my very first kiss EVER!

I then got to get a really good look at the ring and he put it on my finger. Now. This ring. Oh my, was it quite the ordeal. We never went ring shopping, I just told him that I wanted something simple and he ran with it. I don’t know that there is another 21 year old out there who has spent so many hours doing research, learning, designing, or becoming best friends with a jeweler. Dustin designed the ENTIRE ring himself, from scratch on a computer program at work. He agonized over which diamonds to get and wanted everything to be just right, for me. He is so stinkin’ great! How in the world did I get blessed with such a great man?! Anyway, this absolutely gorgeous ring has blood, sweat and tears behind it, along with some other really great significance. The middle diamond is a specialty cut, which is really rare to find. It is a cento-cut, designed in 2003 by an Italian jeweler. So most of the ones that exist were bought first hand and it’s rare to find one second-hand (which he did). The most common diamond cut is a Brilliant cut which has 57 facets (or sides) this diamond has 100, so there are more, but smaller sparkles. The two pear shaped diamonds on the sides were cut from the same stone and have serial numbers that are right next to each other. This may sound cheesy, but I love it!...God is the center diamond, and we are the two on the outside. Designed for each other. That’s the story of the gorgeous ring he put on my finger!

Really cool: since Dustin set up his friend’s GOPRO (thanks Dill! :) we got the whole proposal on video.

So we’re ENGAGED!!! WOOHOO!!! I have a fiance!

Dustin then called his sister who is an AMAZING photographer to come (techinally come back…she was in the bushes, but I didn’t know) and take some pictures of us. So we got some awesome pictures right in the moment of excitement!

Dustin then blindfolded me again! (Yeah, not done yet….) and put me back in the car. I got lost again and had no idea what we were doing or where we were going. He led me out of the car and we went through a door  (I only knew that cause he ran me into it…haha). He then walked away (again!) and as he came back, music started playing in the background. He told me to open my eyes and we were standing in an empty warehouse that was beautifully decorated. There was awesome lighting, candles and red roses all around, and a table for two set with nice China in the middle of the room. It was beautiful! (Thanks to his amazing mom and sister!) There was a table full of food, dessert in the freezer and a comfy couch in the corner. It was awesome! We got to enjoy a meal and just spend the evening together just the two of us. No other customers, no waiters, no one else. Just us.

We enjoyed a delicious meal, hung out and called/texted some family and friends. It was amazing.

I was exhausted and fell asleep on the couch (woops!). And that was the day my amazing man proposed and asked me to be his wife.

That is the story I get to tell for the rest of my life. I am so stinkin excited to be MARRIED! The date is set for December 8^th. An exactly three month (to the day) engagement.

Really awesome side note: the next day after church we hooked his friend’s GOPRO up to the computer and this was the awesome angle we had. The video camera doesn’t have a screen on it, so you can’t see what you’re getting. Dustin just put it on the ground and this is how we ended up standing, with the sun right in between us!!! The Lord is so kind. (this picture is a screen shot of the video)

The Lord is good. And He is faithful. He is faithful on the wanting and waiting side of faithfulness. And He is faithful on the other side as well. And trusting in his faithfulness is SO WORTH the wait, anticipation and sometimes agony. TRUST. Trust in the Lord. He has something so beautifully written. Just. For. You. It’s not gonna look like anyone else (although I love that my sister and I have many small details that are super similar!). There is no formula. The formula is Psalm 37:5. “Commit your way to the Lord. Trust in Him and He will act.” You’re job: commit your self to Him and TRUST in Him. HE will do the acting! It is SO much better that way!

I can’t believe I get to spend the rest of my life with the most amazing man in the world. God created him for me. (a bonus to being the older one ;) haha)

Well, if you’ve made it this far, I hope you’ve enjoyed it. All of it points directly to our amazing Savior, who is currently fulfilling a lifetime of prayers. 

Anticipation and Excitement

There is something about delayed gratification and anticipation that I love. I've recently realized that it is something I often times go out of my way to create. In many situations, I like not knowing. If someone wants to tell me a gift they got me, I ask them not to. I like the anticipation. I even do it in stupid things in my life. (I think this is weird, I'm not sure, do other people do things like this?) But things that don't matter, like when eating my lunch. If there is something I'm really excited about that I packed in my lunch that day, I make sure I eat it last. When I eat fruit snacks, I eat all the colors I don't like first, savoring the ones I do like. If I get an email I'm really excited about from a friend, I will open all my other emails first, delaying the gratification, enjoying the anticipation. If I'm hanging out with friends and get a voicemail, I'll wait until I'm actually home to listen to it, enjoying the excitement and anticipation my whole drive back.

I love surprises!

I love surprising people. Because it's exciting. The anticipation...it just creeps up and gets bigger and bigger in my gut....more and more exciting the closer and closer the surprise gets.

I recently surprised my sister in Florida. SO FUN! And the anticipation is a highlight in all of it. The whole thing was so fun. Buying my ticket before she was even engaged, having to tell her multiple times that I wasn't going to be able to make it, knowing I was going to see her shortly, getting to the airport, figuring out how I was going to surprise her, almost ruining the whole plan, figuring out another plan, calling her and telling her to turn around, all of it is so fun. The days leading up to it, the anticipation builds. The night before I was SO excited! The morning of, my stomach was in knots and I couldn't sit still. That time leading up to the surprise and the short time before it happens, working out the details is an excitement like no other. I don't even know how to put it to words. It's almost like the time leading up to a surprise is the most exciting part. The whole weekend was AMAZING, I enjoyed every minute of it, but the feeling of anticipation doesn't last, because you end up living out what you were so excited about.

I think there are kind of two lessons in this. One, is that we have to remember to enjoy the present when we are living out the excitement. I think it is safe to say that in our culture, we're constantly looking ahead. Constantly hoping for something down the road. Constantly striving for a future pleasure. That once it gets there, we forget to enjoy it. We're already looking for the next exciting thing, or the next life milestone. A promotion, a spouse, a family, a house, more money ... we always want more, that we forget to enjoy the place we're in, the place we worked or waited to be. We have to start living now. We have to start enjoying the present.

And the other thing I think we can learn is that sometimes delaying gratification can make the situation so much sweeter. Enjoy the unknown, the anticipated, the excitement. It is much more fun and makes living it out that much more precious.

I feel like God has been challenging me in these perspectives in many ways. I've been thinking about it since before I surprised my sister 4 weeks ago, and I've been able to relate it to many areas of my life. Trusting in the Lord's faithfulness, the sermon this sunday, realizing things about myself, even in tv shows. (My one tv show that I let myself follow is Biggest Loser and even when they weigh in every week, it is the unknown that makes it so exciting. The contestants can't weigh themselves throughout the week, they have to wait until the end, delay the gratification. The show would be much much less exciting if we could see how much weight they lost each day and just totaled the weights at the end of the week. But the mystery of it all adds to the suspense, the excitement.)

Now that I think about it, this all really goes back to before Christmas for me. One of the things that I prayed about a lot, through the season of advent, was the excitement and anticipation of what the shepherds and wisemen experienced waiting for the birth of their savior. We get so excited for so many things around the holidays. Many things are good things. But do we have the most excitement of all in the fact that He came to earth to save our souls? We're on the other side of the excitement, he already came, but are we able to go back and try to experience the excitement that others had? Are we enjoying the sweetness of living it out? Or even tying it into what the sermon at my church was about this past week, and what we discussed at community group - we're on the anticipation side of the return of Jesus! The coming of the new earth! Getting to experience heaven! Is that what you're excited about? Is that what you're living for? Do you know that experiencing it will be so much sweeter than anything you've ever experienced in this world?! Eternal perspective. So good. I GET TO EXPERIENCE AN ETERNITY IN HEAVEN WITH JESUS! Now THAT is something to be excited about!

I've just been thinking about all of this a lot and thought I would share. Trying to enjoy certain anticipations and excitements in this season of life. But no anticipation could ever compare to the anticipation of seeing Jesus face to face, of joining in to the true community of the trinity, to see no pain, no suffering, no fear. Just sheer bliss, sheer joy, sheer excitement and worship. It's going to be amazing! Are you enjoying the excitements your getting to live out right now? Are you delaying gratification in order to appreciate the sweetness?

Overwhelmed with Jesus - the best kind of overwhelemed to be

There is literally so much, I have no idea where to begin, and unfortunately don't really have the time right now to dive into all of it.

God. Is. Good.

That pretty much sums it up. Passion was phenomenal. Not because of the worship, not because of who was there, not because of the speakers, but because of JESUS!

Yes the worship was fantastic, yes the people there were amazing, yes the speakers are people who have humbled themselves to be used by the Lord, and he used them. But at the end of the day, all I want is for my heart to be screaming the name of JESUS. Because HE is my savior. He and HE ALONE has brought me from death to life. He was at Passion. He came and met us where we were at. He touched lives, he was present, he was active, he is all we need.

I literally don't even know what to say...where to begin....

The Lord has yet again lit my heart on fire. All I want to do is go scream it out for the world to hear.

I had the life changing and amazing experience while at Passion 2012 to watch my dear dear brother go from death to life. (AHHH!!!!!) It is literally something that words cannot describe. I not only love him as my brother, but now am able to love him as my brother in Christ. THAT is the power of the gospel. THAT screams the name of JESUS!

I just sit in awe.

Every detail.

Every. single. one.

Was a miracle.

Neither my brother nor I should have been able to go to Passion.

Down to the fact that I took the teaching job I did, with the amazing principal I have, back in July. The job I didn't want. The one that God said, "go." (and I said, "are you sure?!") The Lord knew. No other job would have let me take 4 days off immediately following a 2 week break. It doesn't make sense. Yet it's exactly what happened.

Because God is THAT awesome.

I have recently been reminded in SO many ways of the Lord's faithfulness. It is all around me. And it is so what I need.

I've been seeing the Lord's faithfulness play out in so many ways in other people's lives. I'm not gonna lie, I get selfish and ask the Lord when my time is going to come for the prayers I've been praying all my life to come to fruition. But then the Lord stops me in my tracks. These things in others' lives, HAVE been my prayers. It is the Lord showing me he is faithful. They are things I have been praying for others for YEARS. And wow! HE IS GOOD. And then it is through those times of rejoicing with others that I gain perspective. He is faithful. Always. And right now, on this side, on the side of prayer and asking and waiting, I KNOW that because of the Lord's great character, HE IS FAITHFUL. He is being faithful to me right now. Even though I am not on the other side, looking back at his faithfulness, it doesn't change the fact that he is being faithful. He is good. He is constant. He is faithful. Always.

This has been an amazing reminder to me. A way of trusting the Lord. His character is trustworthy. And right now he is holding true to his promises. He is forever faithful.

Passion 2012

AHHH!!!!! I'm here again!!! This is amazing! The first session was last night and Louie kicked us off to a great start. You can join us online through a live feed, or you can watch previous videos as well. This is something you don't want to miss out on! Please pray for us. That God would open hearts and we would proclaim the name of JESUS! http://live.268generation.com/

Beth Moore - breakout session

Immediately after Beth's morning session, she did a breakout session for girls. It was amazing. We had just talked about the mind, and now we were going to talk about the heart. She did make it clear that we weren't talking about the heart without the guys because they don't struggle with heart issues. That was not the case. It was just how things fell.

Beth started out by talking about this being a new beginning, that God has a tremendous plan for all of us. Don't let anything ever convince you that God cannot work a miracle out of you. He is a God of wonders.

We looked at Psalm 37:1-9

"Do not fret because of those who are evil or be envious of those who do wrong; for like the grass they will soon wither, like green plants they will soon die away. Trust in the LORD and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn, your vindication like the noonday sun. Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him; do not fret when people succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes. Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret—it leads only to evil. For those who are evil will be destroyed, but those who hope in the LORD will inherit the land."

This is a psalm of David and was written as an acrostic, which means it was meant to be memorized. Beth seriously stressed the importance of memorizing scripture.

We act out of what we believe. (Referring back to the previous talk) If we keep believing the same thing, we will keep doing the same thing. It is not until something strategically changes our belief system that it starts to change our behavior.

Referring back to Psalm 37, we all have desires of our flesh, they can be daily struggles, but we're going to be looking at something deeper. The desire of our hearts. "Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart."

Beth went on to talk about 6 crucial things we need to remember when talking about our hearts.

1. Nothing dictates our lives like our desires.

You will be most driven by what it is you really want. You think, "what I need to do is the right thing - I'm not going to make that bad decision again." You cannot sustain the long term on what you need to do alone - it may help to get you out of a pit, but you won't stay out of it. In the end, we will follow our hearts, we will follow our desires. We will default back into what we want to do. Something in your heart needs to be healed or reformed because something in your heart will continue to lead you astray.

In John 1:38 the first question Jesus asks John is, "what do you want?" These are not cravings, not something you want in the next 2 hours, this is a sustained longing. Something unaffected by mood or surroundings. Psalm 38:9 says, "all my longings lie open before the Lord." What is it you long for? Beth gave an example of her grandson wanting chocolate cake, yelling, "I want CAAAAAKE!" We get fixated. Tunnel locked. I want a man, I want ministry, I want to be perfect, etc. What is is that is driving that?

2. Beneath the desire of our heart is the heart of our desire.

Okay, this gets a little tricky, try to follow, I'll try to explain it well.

In Psalm 37 the Lord says - you delight yourself in me and I will give you the desires of your heart. That is an enormous promise. We often view this as saying to God, "okay, I deserve this and this and I will delight in you and you will give me all of it."

God will either give you the desire of your heart, or the heart of your desire. He will give you one, and you want the heart of your desire to trump.

Some people have dreams of what they want to do or be from when they are very young. Beth shared about her daughter that kept changing what she wanted and where her life direction was. Thankfully, the Lord knows what it is that we really, actually want most.

This was Beth's example: if God did not listen to the heart of our desire, we would have married that guy when we were 13 (because that's what we WANTED!) But God goes beyond the desire of your heart because he knew that guy was not the heart of your desire.

If he is withholding the desire of your heart it is because he will give you the heart of your desire.

3. Delighting in God make our truest desires inevitable.

Psalm 37:4, 23-24 "Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart. If the LORD delights in a man’s way, he makes his steps firm; though he stumble, he will not fall, for the LORD upholds him with his hand."

This is a reciprocal desire. He delights in me.

God is not just a big boss. He is the biggest blast you will ever have!

Luke 10: 17-21, "The seventy-two returned with joy and said, “Lord, even the demons submit to us in your name.” He replied, “I saw Satan fall like lightning from heaven. I have given you authority to trample on snakes and scorpions and to overcome all the power of the enemy; nothing will harm you. However, do not rejoice that the spirits submit to you, but rejoice that your names are written in heaven.” At that time Jesus, full of joy through the Holy Spirit, said, “I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children. Yes, Father, for this was your good pleasure.

Sometimes God makes you do things you don't think you're capable of. God tells you what your capable of doing, but its mind blowing when you actually do it.

Beth Moore is terrified of public speaking.

Don't say you cannot do what you are just scared of doing. There is nothing like doing something you knew you were incapable of doing, because the spirit came and did it for you. Every single time you do something you thought you couldn't do and then the Lord does it with you, Satan falls like lightening from heaven. Some of us owe Satan some big ones. Make him sorry he ever messed with you.

Verse 21 in the Luke passage says, "at that time, Jesus full of joy..."

The Greek word for joy is chara - this is joy on steroids - can't keep this joy internalized. It is characterized by leaping and dancing. Christ is having a physical reaction to his joy.

Jesus delights in me. When I have a big victory, he is cheering right beside me. He is never unmoved. Yet you move him. We are a delight to him.

It's like when babies smile back at you, or laugh along with you. It is the same reaction with the Lord.

God is leaning over you saying, "do you have any idea how loved you are?" He brings us to a point where we smile and laugh back and there is delight. Mutual, beautiful delight.

That's how he feels when you smile back. There ain't no high like the most high! :)

Beth shared about going for walks with her ipod, singing along to the music. One time she stopped and played the air guitar. Sometimes you just can't help it. The joy and delight becomes a physical expression.

4. Nothing external can steal our right to delight.

Nothing circumstantial has the right to steal your delight. Only other emotions can take it from you.

What takes a bite out of delight? (all forms of desire) use the acronym JAW

J- Jealousy (Psalm 37:1)
it undercuts others
really not how we feel about them, but rather how we feel they make us feel about ourselves
something about that person that makes us feel something about ourselves that we do not like
will cheat joy out of your life
you're not meant to be someone else
A- Anger (Psalm 37:8)
we want to feel - be motivated (I know lots of athletes that would motivate themselves out of anger) - but it is meant to be holy passion. Anger is destructive passion.
anger is the antithesis of delight
anger is motivating, but it is destructive
what is it you're so mad about? sometimes we have reasons to be mad - Beth has a past of sexual abuse - she wanted to say to God, "it isn't fair. That wasn't fair." That is the destructive (unfair) side. But on the other side - there is nothing fair about grace. There is more grace to sweep you up in the river of God's mercy than you would ever need in a lifetime. There is nothing fair about the life he has planned.
I want to trade my anger for delight
W- Worry (fret) (Psalm 37:1,8)
worry is all wrapped up in control
at the root of our worry, we think we can control the situation. We can't.
it does not add one single second to our lives
fret - means to eat or gnaw into
our worry says Jesus may be Savior, but he is not Lord
our worry brings him no honor, no delight
trust is the cure for worry

5. To make room for delight, we've got to commit.

Psalm 37:5 "Commit your way to the Lord..."

We think we need to not commit to anything - keep our options open all the time - in order to experience delight

Commit your way to the Lord. The Hebrew word Galal - means to roll over upon, to roll yourself upon

Roll yourself over upon Him - dwell in the shadow of the most high. He's got a plan for your life. Perfectly suited for you. Even with your background, even with your failure in the past. He's got a plan that is perfectly suited for you - Commit!

It is time to commit.

6. Patiently waiting for desire to turn into delight is not passive.

Psalm 37:7 "be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him" - be still, and wait patiently - are not the same thing.

Be still - means shut up, be still, let him speak a word over you

Wait patiently - does not mean sitting and doing nothing. The Hebrew word means to twist or whirl, to dance or writhe in pain. Do it with anguish or delight.

There are times to be still and times to come before him and have a fit. Take every bit of anguish to him, and every bit of delight to him. Pour out your heart before him, he is a refuge for you. That writhing turns into a dance and you're free.

You can't beat life with Jesus for anything else in this world. He will be so good to you. He loves you so much.

Delight yourself in the Lord! And he will give you the desires of your heart.

Update

It is crazy to me that the last time I posted on here was the day before I started teaching. Much has happened. Wow. Tons.

I have hundreds of teaching stories, many that are funny and I would love to share. But I'm not really sure the rules about all of that. Some people know where I work and things like that, and then its putting information about students online. I don't know how all of that works, but I don't want to have it come back to me. So, sorry. Maybe sometimes I'll try to share anonymously.

Teaching as a whole has been...good. Really really hard job, with students that require gobs of patience, but I definitely don't hate it, which is what I thought was going to happen. So it's been good. Good only because God is good. He has been carrying me through every second of everyday.

Man, lots has happened. I started a new job, experienced ups and downs with another job, saw two of my dear dear friends get married, had two students move out of my class on one move in, have made many new friends through church, moved in with a family from church because my brother moved, my sister got engaged!!!!, went on a surprise visit or Orlando, got to hangout in NYC before Christmas while seeing a dear friend who just accepted the Lord!!!, had Christmas with the fam, and have been hanging out in the outer banks. Many stories in there, many fantastic times. Ask me if you want to hear about it :)

A serious miracle that has happened is that my principal is allowing me to go to Passion 2012 in Atlanta!!!! AHH!!! And an even bigger miracle is my little brother is going with me!!! Oh. My. Goodness. Words cannot describe my excitement. I literally can't wait!!!!

Which brings me to one of my reasons for posting. I'm only half way through Passion 2011 on my blog. Such amazing messages, such an amazing experience. I've failed at going through it all. I am going to write some tonight and hopefully a little tomorrow, but I don't think I'll get to them all. Sorry. Life happened. There will be updates over the next two days though. And then I'm off to experience it all over again!!! Love it.

New Seasons

Well, it's been forever. And MUCH has happened. I thought I would do an insanely quick catch up before my life turns into insanity starting tomorrow.

My summer was absolutely fantastic. I did a TON of traveling and got to see SO many friends this summer! Like almost all of them! Which is pretty intense if you knew where all my friends lived. I made multiple trips to Lake Champion, which is always the best. I was even able to make some new friends while being there!

I went to the Outer Banks for a week, did a New Jersey and camp trip twice, went to Shelter Island for a week with the fam, made a trip to Norfolk, went to Grand Rapids, MI for two weddings, got to see SO many dear friends while there, went to Cincinnati to see two of my favorite guys, spent a whole week at Lake Champion, worked, and hung out at the pool. It was quite fantastic.

In the midst of all that I managed to score a teaching job as well. Not exactly the dream job I was hoping for, but it's exactly where the Lord has me. I'm going to be teaching at the school I was aiding at for a couple months this past school year. It's an all special ed school and I'm going to be teaching kids with emotional disabilities. (so dealing with a lot of aggressive behavior) Honestly, I didn't want the job. I almost didn't take it. But after a TON of prayer, I had a huge peace about taking the job. It is definitely where the Lord wants me and I am now very excited about it! I have my reservations, but I'm trusting that the Lord will walk me through, one day at a time.

My first day as a real, live teacher is TOMORROW!!! Exciting, scary, so much to think about! I would love any and all prayers. I want to establish a good routine and clear expectations on my first day. Already praying for my students a lot!

Everything is about to get crazy and I'm trying to work out my schedule to not be overwhelmed. So we'll see how the blogging goes. Since I've already been horrible about it. Somehow, I don't know how, Passion 2011 will get completed before Passion 2012 happens. I still need to go through and listen to the talks again. Such rich stuff, I hope it is blessing you. It's definitely been a blessing to go back and experience it all again.

Well here I go into a whole new world! Always up for an adventure :)