Today...

Just a warning, this post is probably going to be pretty long. If you don't want to read it, there is a short summary of everything at the bottom of the post. :)

So today was the day for diving. I was already pretty nervous last night. While I am a pretty competitive person, when it comes to diving, I'm not a very good competitor. I get nervous and tense in meets, which results in dives that are way worse than normal. Not very fun. So last night I was already feeling anxious. I just kept doubting myself. It almost wasn't even that I was doubting my dives, but doubting that I would get the Nationals cut I needed. I was already getting scared of coming home the next day disappointed. I think that was a big thing for me, I just didn't want to end my diving career unhappy with my last performance. But yet it was this fear that would probably make me dive poorly. Vicious cycle of the mind.

I had already qualified for Nationals earlier this season, but to get to Nationals for diving is quite complicated. You have to qualify twice, then send in a tape and then get invited to the meet. Because I had only qualified once, I needed to do it again in order to send in a tape. And this was my last chance.

I just kept praying and talking to the Lord. I had to remind myself that he is sovereign. He knew if I was going to qualify or not. And he was in control of the whole situation. If he wanted me to qualify, he could make it happen. If he didn't, then I was going to have to be okay with that. I could still be glorifying him and giving him the praise. I kept telling myself I had to have a good attitude no matter what.

So this is how my meet this morning went. I was anxious. I really wanted to do well. I don't dive well at all when this is the case so just kept trying not to think about it. First dive: front double (two somersaults) pike. My hurdle was horrendous and I essentially did it from standing (not typically a dive you do from standing) Anyway, it was far from my best. Not a great way to start off the meet. I tried to get past it and just think about my next dive. My front two and half pike. Again, terrible hurdle and I left it short. (Translation: not good) Those are the two dives I can do in my sleep. They're the ones I count on to start me off on a good note. I just kept trying to tell myself to have fun. But in the back of my mind I couldn't stop thinking about how I was slowly throwing away my opportunity to make it to Nationals. My third dive didn't go so well. Again, a horrible hurdle, which just sets you up for a bad dive. After that they started to pick up a little bit. My inward one and half was pretty good and things started to click a little better. The rest of the meet was fine. It wasn't anything extremely grand and exciting, but it wasn't awful either.

At Calvin we have a great score board where we can see our scores for the dive and our total score by that point in the meet. I didn't want to look at my total scores cause then I just start doing math and try to figure out what I need to do on each dive in order to get enough points. When that happens, I end up thinking about the points more than what I need to do in order to get them. So I didn't look at my total score. I looked after my 6 dives to see if I qualified, and I was about 15 points off. I knew I didn't make it, I didn't dive that well. So I now just had to hope my 11 dive score was enough.

I did my last dive and looked up at the scoreboard. My total before that dive was in the 360's. The judges scores hadn't come up yet and knew that I had to have done well on that dive in order to make it. I didn't know if it was good enough. It felt good, but...and then 395.20 pops up on the screen! Talk about cutting it close! I needed 395 to qualify and I did it by 0.20!

THAT is what I call JESUS! You just don't get closer than that. In diving 0.20 is nothing. Had one judge given me a half a point less on one of my dives and I wouldn't have made it. That just screams out the Lord's power! He wanted me to make it. 0.20 short of 395 would have been really hard. But like I said earlier, the Lord is sovereign. Had that have happened, I would have known the Lord did not want me to make the cut. But in his grace, I made it by the skin of my teeth! It was so relieving. That weight just lifted off. I get to send in a tape. And my tape doesn't have to be from today, it can be from any meet this season. God is good! He gets all the glory! It is truly truly only because of him that I made it today.

To His name be the glory and praise! Only by his grace, only through his strength.

So that was just the first half of the day. Lots more happened. Lots. It was all really crazy. Really crazy. I was hoping I could write about it tonight, but I just don't have time. I'll have to do it tomorrow. I need to get some rest, I have a track meet tomorrow. I'd really like to get something over 12 feet tomorrow. Please be praying. 12 feet 7 and 3/4 inches is the automatic height. That would be really super awesome, and would take away this crazy waiting game cause I would be in for sure, but it is also a bit ambitious. I know I can do it though.

Sorry to have to run. Also, I hate doing this, but if I don't I get people who are mad at me for not telling them. I was in the Grand Rapids Press this morning. Here is the site you want to read it. (Just copy and paste this into the browser, sorry I couldn't figure out how to put in in as a link) http://www.mlive.com/smallcolleges/grandrapids/index.ssf/2010/02/calvins_joy_leach_looks_to_qua.html

Summary Version:
Diving today didn't go as well as I had hoped, BUT I did still get a National qualifying cut! Just barely. I needed a 395 and I got a 395.20 - Praise Jesus! Also, track meet tomorrow, pray it goes well.

More to come, I promise...