Why is it so hard to trust God sometimes? Like I know a better way. How rediculous. I think that I can do a better job planning out my life than God can. Oh, how narrow-minded I can be.
I was just sitting here in my living room trying to plan out the next year and a half of my life. Down to the day. Literally. How obsured is that? I want to know exactly what I'm going to do at exactly what time and what day. I have so many thoughts running wild in my head. Diving, pole vaulting, doing two sports, coaching, work, making money for training trip, aiding, student teaching, my placement, small group, alliance dinners, community group, how long it will take to get ready to teach after dryland mornings, diving nationals, indoor nationals, outdoor nationals, puerto rico, spring break, starting student teaching early, ending student teaching late, interning again at Champion, interning again in general, Chicago semester, traveling Europe with my sister, Thanksgiving break, Christmas break, I could keep going. And going, and going. So many thoughts thrown at me all in one instant.
So overwhelming.
And then I stop. And sit.
And am so thankful I don't have to figure it out on my own.
I don't have to have it all worked out right now (as much as I would like to).
I serve a King that is so mighty and so powerful and WILL take care of my every need. How amazing is that?! pretty stinkin' amazing.
I just look at this, all that the Lord has called me to, and say, "God, but how? you only made the day last 24 hours, how do you require so much of me?"
And he looks down at me and says, "You don't have to it. You have to let ME do it. The only way to keep going is to keep your eyes on me."
And oh, that is the desire of my heart. People tell me I'm crazy ALL THE TIME.
Sometimes when I step back and look at it, I think I'm crazy too. But then I remind myself that it's not about me, I'm not doing the work, and this is what God has called me to do. And I can rest in that.
It's an amazing experience to feel the Lord's peace and true rest in the midst of absolute chaos. He is my shalom and I will rest in Him.
Psalm 46:10
"Be still and know that I am God"
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Ah, amen.
ReplyDeleteThe peace amidst chaos (that passes all understanding) is the sweetest- thrilled you are enjoying it! Thank you for the encouragment!!!
I say, scrap all that other stuff...I like the bit about you traveling Europe with your sister.
Flights on ryaniar to Italy were a pound today. A POUND. That's £2 round trip. That's less than 5 bucks. For flights. To Italy. To stay with a family for free. I know, right? More money for gelato and wine!
Get your cute little bum over here!!!
Joy!
ReplyDeleteI know this struggle well. To want so badly to give it to God, to trust in deed the way we trust mentally.
What's especially cool is that this is exactly what Mike Glenn was talking about Tuesday night at Kairos. Most specifically about the peace and rest you mention at the very end. Don't know what it means, but its hardly coincidental.