Camp

The days of the week, dates, schedules, and time in the world disappear at camp. Everything becomes camp time, schedules and days of the week. I never know what the date is or what day of the week it is. My days are now numbered, day one, day two, day three, etc. up to day seven. Then repeat.

So much has happened since my last post. We went on some fun intern outings, went camping, had our intern training, worked for a couple more days and then summer hit! We're now half way through week two of camp and so far it has been AMAZING!!!

I love it here. I love my job, I love the people I work with, I love this camp, I love my summer staff, I love the campers. God is everywhere and constantly showering me with his love and blessings. I have already learned so much and I know I have so much more yet to learn.

I'm slowly building relationships with interns, which is always a process with some and I'm able to jump in with others. And God's already taught me a lot about myself in this area. I've had some great conversations with some unexpected people. Sometimes things are really challenging, and other times they are so sweet.

I love my summer staffers this session and am so excited about continuing to get to know them. They are all really hard workers and have awesome attitudes. They're just really awesome people too. I'm trying to soak up all the time I have with them while they're here.

The Lord has been at work in so many ways, I can't even begin to list them all. He's broken me some days, lifted me up others, but all of it is good. He is here at this camp and I love it. I am at home here. This is where I belong right now.

Photo Update

Quick recap of the last week, which was crazy fast and so much going on!

First I graduated...



My parents came! yay!


And I graduated on their 28th anniversary!

Yay for friends!













Then I packed my life in Big Haus...



I do have to say, that I am quite proud of my packing abilities...



Then, off to Nationals! This was at the banquet the first night



After Nationals, I headed to PA to spend the night at Abby's house. So much fun!

Then drove to New Jersey and dropped everything off in my grandma's basement. My awesome cousin came and helped me!

Then I FINALLY headed to camp! The last 30 minutes of my drive I was going crazy. I was so excited!

I'm here now and loving it! We were supposed to go canoeing today, but it rained, so we went on a scavenger hunt around camp and the surrounding towns. Tons of fun. Now we're off to go camping. Hopefully the rain stays away.

The Big Dance

Well it came and went.

Today was an absolute blast and I soaked up ever single second of it! God is so good and so gracious. Vaulting went well.

It was really hot out, which I'm not used to. Michigan has made me a complete wimp with the heat. Warm ups went well and then it was time to start!

My first goal for the meet was to clear opening height. I didn't want to get all the way to Nationals and no height (where you don't clear any bars). Opening was 11'5 which is the highest opening height I've ever come in at by far. I normally come in around 10'4ish, depending on the heights at the meet. But I knew I could clear 11'5, so just had to go for it. I missed on my first attempt, but made it on my second. Thank you Jesus! Goal one accomplished.

I was also having so much fun! I was soaking it all in and constantly reminding myself that I was having a blast. It was so awesome.

The bar then went up to 11'10. I missed my first and second attempts and that was scary. I knew I had more in me and I definitely didn't want to be done yet. I consciously gave it all I had and cleared it on my third attempt. Thank you Jesus! That one was seriously a miracle. And my coach told me that was the best jump I had today. It definitely felt good.

I took three jumps at 12'2 (which would have been a personal record) and didn't clear any of them. My second attempt was really close! I barely hit the bar, but it fell. And by my third attempt, my coach said I was just tired. I had taken so many jumps and with the heat, I just wasn't running as fast as I needed to. Close, but no cigar.

I'm happy with today though. I jumped well, it was the second best meet of my career, and I was really close to getting a personal best at Nationals. It would have been sweet to have actually done it, but I jumped well and am pleased. I also seriously had a blast. It was so much fun! I absolutely love pole vaulting and don't really have any intention of being completely done with it. I love it too much. I'll have to find a club team around somewhere or something. But I'm definitely happy with how things went today. It was a great way to end my collegiate career.

I ended up 16th, which I'm happy with. I moved up on the list, so that is good. Place doesn't matter a whole bunch to me, but I'm proud of that.

This has seriously totally been the Lord. My whole senior year. All my sports and everything. All completely the Lord. It is only by his talent that I am able to do anything and he absolutely gets all the glory. It is so not about me, it is all about him.

Just thinking about the miracles that happened this year...its insane. That is going to have to wait for another post. I need to get some sleep. Thank you so much for all your prayers! I'm really happy with how things turned out and I had so much fun! So much fun! To Him be the glory.

Nationals

Lots to catch up on, but not much time to type. I need to get in bed.

The day has arrived. I am in Cleveland for Track Nationals. This is real. I am living a dream. There have been multiple times while I've been here that I just stop, and remind myself that I'm at Nationals. And I think of where the Lord has taken me, the journey I have been on for so long, and am so incredibly thankful. And humbled. It is so not because of me and He gets ALL the glory. This reality often seems surreal.

Tomorrow is the Big Dance. (well, today now that its super late). I'll be vaulting at 1:00pm on Thursday. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE be praying. That is seriously what I need. The times I've had people praying the hardest are the times I've competed the best. Because when it is the Holy Spirit doing the work, I am able to fade into the background. Pray for confidence and angels. Side note: My mom's taught me to pray for angels. I don't think many people pray for them, but she's taught me how. Every single night before bed while we were growing up she would pray for armies of angels to protect us. Angels got me over that 12'1 bar in order to get me here. I have no doubt in my mind about that. So yeah, pray for angels. Anyway, I covet your prayers. Please pray for physical strength as it is going to be a very hot day, and there is a chance of storms, so pray those away too.

It's been a long road and quite a journey, but I feel ready. I definitely have another meet left in me and am ready to bring it everything I've got. With confidence. Not in myself, but in the talent God has given me. He is the source and he is the recipient of all the glory. May his name be glorified through my performance tomorrow. I am here. And I am ready.

Random piece of information: I painted my fingernails black tonight for the first time in my life. It's a Calvin Nationals tradition. It feels really weird. I don't like it. But I'm all about tradition. Gotta take one for the team.

Oh, also...I am the first Calvin athlete competing in the meet, so I really want to set a good pace for the team. Please pray that this is encouraging and exciting for me and not an added pressure.

Turmoil

The last 24 hours have been all over the place.

Today was graduation. Yay! It was fun. I guess. Long and boring, but a huge life milestone, so that was good and yes, that makes it exciting.

But all last night and all today I couldn't get pole vaulting out of my head. The unknown was killing me and I was having a really hard time with the extreme possibility of not going to Nationals. My head was in constant turmoil.

I've been through every situation and scenario in my head. I've also prayed like crazy. Definitely an opportunity to trust in the Lord and his will. So much easier said than done.

Tears have already been shed as I tried to envision this dream crashing before my eyes. It was so painful to imagine. Last night I cried out to the Lord and begged him to work out the details and for me to get to Nationals. I don't want Nationals to be an idol in my heart, and I truly do not think it is, but it is something I've wanted with such passion for so long. I just cried out to God that he would get me there. He was clearly the one who got me to Nationals for diving, I knew he could do it again. But at the same time, I knew I just needed to trust. Trust in his will and his planning. If he didn't want me at Nationals, I didn't want to go. And if he wanted me there, he would get me there. As hard as it was, I had to completely commit it into the Lord's hands.

Its been tough. I practiced today, just in case, and it went really well. It was a blast and my parents got to come watch me, so that made it extra special. But I just had fun and was doing my thing and it felt good. After practice, the Lord had given me this peace. I didn't know what was going to happen, but I had a peace about it. I knew that if I didn't make it to Nationals that I would cry, it would be extremely hard, I would have lots of questions, but ultimately it was what God wanted. I wouldn't understand, but it's not my job to understand, so I was going to have to deal with it. I also knew, that if I made it, this whole experience and turmoil was exactly what I needed to get my drive for vaulting back and I would be excited all over again.

So many questions, so few answers, and just a time of waiting.

I'm pretty impatient when it comes to waiting on things like this. I get antsy.

As my parents and I were driving home from dinner, we again talked about how God is completely in control and he knows what he is doing. My dad was reminding me that whether I go to Nationals or not, God gets all the glory, and the same amount of glory. He doesn't get more glory if I go. Or if I don't go. As long as his name is being glorified, that is all that matters. And that is so in the depths of my heart. It sometimes gets clouded by this world, but my true hearts desire is to bring God glory in everything that I do. It is so not about me, but ALL about him.

Well, the unofficial entries came out tonight. They are finalized tomorrow, but often times there aren't changes. They just leave a time for people to "challenge" the list. Not completely sure of the details of that, but it often doesn't change. And the results of those unofficial entries...

I'M IN!!!

Completely and totally by the grace of God. My height was the last one to make it and they took 20 female vaulters. God is so so so good! This was not something I did, it was something the Lord did. And because of the unexpected circumstances, I truly believe it screams Jesus' name even more! May his name be lifted higher.

Well I'm definitely SO EXCITED! This is all becoming a reality and I love it! This struggle and turmoil, as much as I hate to say it, was exactly what I needed if I was going to make it to Nationals. It was a strange answer to prayer. I had been struggling with my passion and excitement for vaulting. Being so close to not going, made me realize how bad I wanted it. My drive is back. Now I definitely didn't enjoy going through this, it was hard and I was desperate, but thats the best place to be right? But I'm glad it happened. God needed to break me, and I'd say I was pretty close to rock bottom. Utterly desperate. And thats when he picks us up.

Now I definitely understand that this is easy for me to say, since things turned out the way I had hoped. This entry would probably look a bit different if I had gotten cut. Different reactions and different emotions. But I know that I have learned a lot through this. Huge lessons in the last 24 hours. I know this is where I am supposed to be and I know God has a plan. This was what I needed. I now feel ready for Nationals. My excitement is back, my passion is back, my drive is back.

Please pray that I keep my head on straight. I've been a head case and getting really mental the last couple weeks. Please pray that away. That I would be confident and aggressive these next couple days of practice and then at the meet. It's so soon. Thursday I compete. That's only five days away! So crazy!

Thank you for all your prayers! Our God is so good.

So close.

Latest update on vaulting...thought I would check the ranking list before bed. Not good news. Earlier today I was in a three way tie for 13th place. Now, I'm in a three way tie for 17th place. Not good.

The minimum field is 15, so they are required to take at least 15 vaulters. They typically take 18 or 19. Talk about being on the bubble. And they'll cut it off at a height, which effects the tie. There are only so many athletes that are invited to the meet, so it is always tight on numbers. But being in a three way tie, means either they take all three of us, or none of us. So if they're tight on numbers, most likely we'll get the boot. Or if someone hasn't turned in their entries from this weekend, and they have gone higher, I'm out.

This is pretty scary. I really don't want to see this dream crash and burn right in front of my face. I've wanted it for so long and am so close. So close.

I just have to keep praying that the Lord would be in control. May his will be done above all else. That is the true cry of my heart. But at the same time, this is something I've wanted for so long. It's seriously been a dream of mine. And the height above me, is one centimeter above me. One centimeter. I do not want to see this taken away by one centimeter.

Please pray God would work an amazing miracle somehow! He did it for diving, he can do it again. It is all completely in his hands and I have to rest in that. It doesn't make me want it any less, but it is comforting to know, that I will survive whatever happens and he will still be my King. Tears would be shed for sure though.

Reflecting on the past, enjoying the moment and preparing for the future.

I am in such a strange season of life right now. So much transition; so many emotions. I'd say that I have three pretty huge things happening in my life in the matter of two weeks. Sometimes its overwhelming, sometimes exciting, sometimes sad, and everything in between.

Graduation is this weekend. Yay! (initially) but then it gets sad too. My parents are coming and I am super stoked to see them and hang out with them! I'm definitely excited to graduate. It's a huge milestone in my life and its been a really awesome journey. The Lord has taught me so much. I am definitely leaving Calvin a different person. So insane how much you can change in four years. I start to look back and it just gets crazy. Friendships that came and went, friendships that will last a lifetime, struggles, victories, teammates, meets, summers that changed me, deep conversations...I could go on forever. It's been good. I've been where God wanted me and I can say that with complete confidence. And I think Calvin has done a great job preparing me for the world. I'm excited to move on. Terrified at times, but excited none the less.

With the excitement of graduation comes the sorrows of lasts. I've already had a lot of lasts, some maybe I haven't completely processed through (like my diving career) but many hard lasts are yet to come. My last Crossroads service has been heavy on my heart. I do not want to say bye to that Sunday gathering. That place has become my family. My last community group. Those people have really become family. And even though we've only been meeting for a short period of time, I am definitely sad to have my last small group. Those girls are so awesome. I have to say bye to so many dear friends, Calvin and Grand Rapids. I'm normally pretty good with good-byes, but so many in such a short amount of time is hard. I don't want to say bye to my dear dear friends.

And here comes loop number one: Nationals. Track Nationals still isn't a guarantee, but it is looking pretty likely that I'll make it. Final results will come out this weekend and I have one more meet to try and get a little higher height. I want to stay dedicated, determined and passionate about vaulting all the way through my season. I have to stay focused. I don't want to get distracted by everything else around me. And I'm also really excited for this experience! Again, so many emotions. This has been a dream of mine for four years and it is so close to happening. The Lord's grace is abounding.

With the excitement and joys of vaulting and clearing 12 feet, I feel like I've hit a "funk." There is a small part of me that feels satisfied. I've wanted to be a 12 foot vaulter since my high school coach told me I could be, and I've finally done it. I feel accomplished. While that is a good thing, I've lost a little drive. A little bit of that competitive edge is gone and I desperately need it back. I need to find it before Thursdays meet and I really need to get things together before Nationals. My mental game for pole vaulting has been struggling.
I think a small part of the distraction comes with loop number two: Interning at Champion. I am so excited! Excited doesn't even describe it. My heart is dying to be there. I get really excited when I talk to a fellow intern or think about getting to camp and then my heart sinks as I know almost everyone is already at camp and I'm still two weeks away. Not only am I not there, but they're all there building awesome relationships with each other. I know I'm missing out.

But then I have to stop. And rewind. Back to reality. I am where God wants me and I want to embrace every moment of it. I am so excited for camp, but I don't want to miss what God has for me in these next two weeks because I'm looking so far ahead. But then its hard, cause at the same time, I want to make sure that I am ready for camp. I want to be prepared; mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically. I want to get there and be able to jump right in.

I'm going to have so much processing to do before then too though. I'm approaching the last days of my athletic career. (At least in college. I can't imagine really being completely done. We'll see where God takes it.)I don't want to jump from Nationals to camp and not process things through. And then all of a sudden half way through first session have it hit me that I'll never be competing on a college sports team again.

So many things to juggle and so many emotions. I want to be able to reflect on the past, enjoy the moment and prepare for the future. In each of these three major things. How do I do all of that at the same time? My head might explode. It's a good thing I serve a fierce and powerful God who can handle anything. I just have to keep reminding myself to hand it all over to him. He is in control and he knows my heart. He will walk me through.