The Engagement!

Crazy how my last entry was on anticipation, all the way back in JANUARY! Oh my how things can change. Well, although I never wrote about any of the process (it would have been a whole book!) since my last entry I have met the most amazing man in the world, started dating him, fell in love and got ENGAGED!!! WOW! Talk about some SERIOUS work the Lord did. All in his perfect timing for our lives. He is SO good! And SO faithful! Oh my goodness! So faithful!

WARNING: this is the most sappy thing I have ever written. But it’s because the love of my life is just so darn amazing! (just wanted you to know, I’m fully aware :)

Since I’m sure you don’t want to be bored with me going back and completely recapping everything that has happened, I thought I would just write out the FULL story of how he proposed. Cause lots of people have been asking.

For me, it all started when I heard how AJ Penninga proposed while the Lady Knights swimming and diving team drove back from the St. Mary’s meet (a tradition). It’s a long story, but he sent his girlfriend to a series of destinations throughout the day. She woke up in the morning with a GPS and coordinates wrapped in a t-shirt that said, “my boyfriend is proposing today and so far, this is all I’ve got.” It was that night that I started praying my husband would be thoughtful. Not many guys naturally are. But I SO wanted to find a man that would be.

So when talking about a proposal with Dustin, I explained to him that I wanted anticipation much more than a “surprise.” To me, anticipation is much more fun! (noted in the previous post) So I told him that I wanted him to tell me the day of that he was proposing, but that I didn’t know when. To me, that is SO FUN! And so exciting! (We also both knew he wasn’t going to “catch me off guard” – we had already picked a date for the wedding) Most girls dream about their wedding, I've always dreamt about the proposal story. It was SO important to me. But I didn't let Dustin know that...I didn't want him feel the pressure of it. 

I knew the exact day he was going to propose, and he knew I did. He didn’t have many options. So he started the anticipation even earlier than I thought.

On Wednesday I woke up and a note had been slid under my door. On the front it said, “3 days.” Inside he had written a bunch of extremely sweet things and said that in three days we would be able to start the beginning of the rest of our lives together.

On Thursday I woke up to a clue, telling me where to find a note that he had hid in my room. On the front it said, “2 days...” Ah! I love the anticipation! :) Inside he had written even more sweet things and had given me a significant amount of money. In the note he said that at some point we would need to get engagement pictures taken, and I could use this money to go shopping for a new outfit if I wanted to. He is SO great! I just love him so much! On Thursday he had also told me that I wasn’t going to get to sleep in on Friday because I was going to need to leave the house by 8:30am.

On Friday I woke up to another clue which led me to another note. On the front it said, “1 day!” Inside was another note and two coupons. He had everything all arranged. I had a 9:00am appointment to get a massage, which was a GREAT massage! I then went shopping, then at 2:00pm had another appointment to get a manicure, pedicure and a facial! I was pampered all day long! (and of course he wanted me to have nice nails to show off his KILLER ring! ;) He just loves to spoil me and as strange as it feels sometimes, I’ll take it! :) He is SO thoughtful!

And then the big day FINALLY arrived!!! He had told me that we were going to have to leave his sister’s house (where I live) by 5:15am. So we both got up early and around 5:00 he came to pick me up. Now, this man is not super great at keeping secrets…he gets so excited and just tells me things that lead to me figuring things out, BUT he did a FANTASTIC job keeping the proposal details a secret. I had NO idea what we were going to do that day! Before we left he stopped and started saying things really seriously and telling me how much he loves me and stuff and then pulled out a ring box. In my head I was thinking, “no! I don’t want you to propose first thing! Where’s my anticipation?!” but all that I said was, “really? Are you serious?” He got down on one knee. And opened the ring box. Inside was a piece of paper. That stinker! (I was so relieved!) On the piece of paper it said, “lets go watch the sunrise. In a way you’ve always wanted.”

We then got in the car and he started driving. He had orange juice and fruit in the car for breakfast. (We both LOVE fruit!) We drove for about an hour and then he pulled off on an exit and said, “we’re not at our destination yet, but I need to pull over and tell you where we’re going.” So we pulled into the parking lot of a 7-11 and he parked (in the middle of the parking lot, not in a parking spot). He then told me I had to get out of the car. I was SO confused! I had no idea what was going on. I got out of the car, he set his friend’s gopro (really small, high quality sports videocamera) up on the roof of the car and handed me an envelope. It was from my parents. Ever since I was little I’ve wanted to go on a hot air balloon ride. Like have always, always wanted to go! For my seventeenth birthday my parents gave me a card that said when the weather got nice, I could take a friend and we would all go on a hot air balloon ride. But I’m 24 and we still haven’t gone. Dustin had contacted my parents and my dad wrote me a note that they were finally making true on their gift and Dustin and I were going on a hot air balloon ride!!! Yay! Seriously something I’ve ALWAYS wanted to do! It was so much fun! It was so great and so special and so fantastic!

After we got back to the car, Dustin gave me another notecard. I opened it up and it was two tickets to Discovery Cove, where you get to go interact and swim with dolphins! AGAIN, something I’ve ALWAYS wanted to do! When I was little, for a LONG time, I wanted to be a dolphin trainer. And when I decided to become a teacher instead, I still really wanted to go swimming with dolphins. Yet ANOTHER dream come true! So we headed to Discover Cove and spent the day there. We got to go snorkeling, pet stingray, feed birds, swim around a river, and interact and swim with dolphins! It was SO much fun! We just got to spend the day together, doing new things and enjoying time together.

We then headed back to his sister’s house, showered and changed. Now the anticipation REALLY started to set in!!! I knew the proposal was coming shortly! And I was getting so so giddy and excited!

Next he blindfolded me, put me in the car and we drove off. I am still new to Orlando roads, so got lost and confused rather quickly. We drove around for a while, and I had NO idea where we were going. The only place I had thought of that we might go was to a lake where he asked me to be his girlfriend when I visited in April. I was REALLY hoping that was NOT where we were going. There are just lots of people there, and I don’t have super good feelings associated with that place. (I was a little freaked out about the whole boyfriend/girlfriend thing and didn’t really know what I was supposed to be thinking and feeling, and so all of that just wasn’t the best memory and I was hoping he wasn’t going to take me there.) So we finally park and he leads me out of the car. This is super scary by the way! (Cause I was blindfolded) I was feeling so disoriented and turned around. We walked a little ways, then he stopped me and walked away (he set the video camera up on the ground), then came back and moved me over a little bit.

He grabbed my hands and told me to open my eyes. I looked around and quickly realized we were at the park my sister got married at! Standing where we had our first conversation! I was SO EXCITED! I know this may sound like, “duh, what other special place would he propose at?” But the thought of being there NEVER EVER crossed my mind! (which is crazy cause I’m pretty good at guessing things) It was PERFECT! I was so excited! This was the only moment I almost cried…it was so special to me.

He then told me a ton of really great and amazing things and got down on one knee and asked me to marry him. I said “YES!”

WOOOHOOO!!!!! AHHH!!!!! YAY!!!!! ::so so so great::

I then had my very first kiss EVER!

I then got to get a really good look at the ring and he put it on my finger. Now. This ring. Oh my, was it quite the ordeal. We never went ring shopping, I just told him that I wanted something simple and he ran with it. I don’t know that there is another 21 year old out there who has spent so many hours doing research, learning, designing, or becoming best friends with a jeweler. Dustin designed the ENTIRE ring himself, from scratch on a computer program at work. He agonized over which diamonds to get and wanted everything to be just right, for me. He is so stinkin’ great! How in the world did I get blessed with such a great man?! Anyway, this absolutely gorgeous ring has blood, sweat and tears behind it, along with some other really great significance. The middle diamond is a specialty cut, which is really rare to find. It is a cento-cut, designed in 2003 by an Italian jeweler. So most of the ones that exist were bought first hand and it’s rare to find one second-hand (which he did). The most common diamond cut is a Brilliant cut which has 57 facets (or sides) this diamond has 100, so there are more, but smaller sparkles. The two pear shaped diamonds on the sides were cut from the same stone and have serial numbers that are right next to each other. This may sound cheesy, but I love it!...God is the center diamond, and we are the two on the outside. Designed for each other. That’s the story of the gorgeous ring he put on my finger!

Really cool: since Dustin set up his friend’s GOPRO (thanks Dill! :) we got the whole proposal on video.

So we’re ENGAGED!!! WOOHOO!!! I have a fiance!

Dustin then called his sister who is an AMAZING photographer to come (techinally come back…she was in the bushes, but I didn’t know) and take some pictures of us. So we got some awesome pictures right in the moment of excitement!

Dustin then blindfolded me again! (Yeah, not done yet….) and put me back in the car. I got lost again and had no idea what we were doing or where we were going. He led me out of the car and we went through a door  (I only knew that cause he ran me into it…haha). He then walked away (again!) and as he came back, music started playing in the background. He told me to open my eyes and we were standing in an empty warehouse that was beautifully decorated. There was awesome lighting, candles and red roses all around, and a table for two set with nice China in the middle of the room. It was beautiful! (Thanks to his amazing mom and sister!) There was a table full of food, dessert in the freezer and a comfy couch in the corner. It was awesome! We got to enjoy a meal and just spend the evening together just the two of us. No other customers, no waiters, no one else. Just us.

We enjoyed a delicious meal, hung out and called/texted some family and friends. It was amazing.

I was exhausted and fell asleep on the couch (woops!). And that was the day my amazing man proposed and asked me to be his wife.

That is the story I get to tell for the rest of my life. I am so stinkin excited to be MARRIED! The date is set for December 8^th. An exactly three month (to the day) engagement.

Really awesome side note: the next day after church we hooked his friend’s GOPRO up to the computer and this was the awesome angle we had. The video camera doesn’t have a screen on it, so you can’t see what you’re getting. Dustin just put it on the ground and this is how we ended up standing, with the sun right in between us!!! The Lord is so kind. (this picture is a screen shot of the video)

The Lord is good. And He is faithful. He is faithful on the wanting and waiting side of faithfulness. And He is faithful on the other side as well. And trusting in his faithfulness is SO WORTH the wait, anticipation and sometimes agony. TRUST. Trust in the Lord. He has something so beautifully written. Just. For. You. It’s not gonna look like anyone else (although I love that my sister and I have many small details that are super similar!). There is no formula. The formula is Psalm 37:5. “Commit your way to the Lord. Trust in Him and He will act.” You’re job: commit your self to Him and TRUST in Him. HE will do the acting! It is SO much better that way!

I can’t believe I get to spend the rest of my life with the most amazing man in the world. God created him for me. (a bonus to being the older one ;) haha)

Well, if you’ve made it this far, I hope you’ve enjoyed it. All of it points directly to our amazing Savior, who is currently fulfilling a lifetime of prayers. 

Anticipation and Excitement

There is something about delayed gratification and anticipation that I love. I've recently realized that it is something I often times go out of my way to create. In many situations, I like not knowing. If someone wants to tell me a gift they got me, I ask them not to. I like the anticipation. I even do it in stupid things in my life. (I think this is weird, I'm not sure, do other people do things like this?) But things that don't matter, like when eating my lunch. If there is something I'm really excited about that I packed in my lunch that day, I make sure I eat it last. When I eat fruit snacks, I eat all the colors I don't like first, savoring the ones I do like. If I get an email I'm really excited about from a friend, I will open all my other emails first, delaying the gratification, enjoying the anticipation. If I'm hanging out with friends and get a voicemail, I'll wait until I'm actually home to listen to it, enjoying the excitement and anticipation my whole drive back.

I love surprises!

I love surprising people. Because it's exciting. The anticipation...it just creeps up and gets bigger and bigger in my gut....more and more exciting the closer and closer the surprise gets.

I recently surprised my sister in Florida. SO FUN! And the anticipation is a highlight in all of it. The whole thing was so fun. Buying my ticket before she was even engaged, having to tell her multiple times that I wasn't going to be able to make it, knowing I was going to see her shortly, getting to the airport, figuring out how I was going to surprise her, almost ruining the whole plan, figuring out another plan, calling her and telling her to turn around, all of it is so fun. The days leading up to it, the anticipation builds. The night before I was SO excited! The morning of, my stomach was in knots and I couldn't sit still. That time leading up to the surprise and the short time before it happens, working out the details is an excitement like no other. I don't even know how to put it to words. It's almost like the time leading up to a surprise is the most exciting part. The whole weekend was AMAZING, I enjoyed every minute of it, but the feeling of anticipation doesn't last, because you end up living out what you were so excited about.

I think there are kind of two lessons in this. One, is that we have to remember to enjoy the present when we are living out the excitement. I think it is safe to say that in our culture, we're constantly looking ahead. Constantly hoping for something down the road. Constantly striving for a future pleasure. That once it gets there, we forget to enjoy it. We're already looking for the next exciting thing, or the next life milestone. A promotion, a spouse, a family, a house, more money ... we always want more, that we forget to enjoy the place we're in, the place we worked or waited to be. We have to start living now. We have to start enjoying the present.

And the other thing I think we can learn is that sometimes delaying gratification can make the situation so much sweeter. Enjoy the unknown, the anticipated, the excitement. It is much more fun and makes living it out that much more precious.

I feel like God has been challenging me in these perspectives in many ways. I've been thinking about it since before I surprised my sister 4 weeks ago, and I've been able to relate it to many areas of my life. Trusting in the Lord's faithfulness, the sermon this sunday, realizing things about myself, even in tv shows. (My one tv show that I let myself follow is Biggest Loser and even when they weigh in every week, it is the unknown that makes it so exciting. The contestants can't weigh themselves throughout the week, they have to wait until the end, delay the gratification. The show would be much much less exciting if we could see how much weight they lost each day and just totaled the weights at the end of the week. But the mystery of it all adds to the suspense, the excitement.)

Now that I think about it, this all really goes back to before Christmas for me. One of the things that I prayed about a lot, through the season of advent, was the excitement and anticipation of what the shepherds and wisemen experienced waiting for the birth of their savior. We get so excited for so many things around the holidays. Many things are good things. But do we have the most excitement of all in the fact that He came to earth to save our souls? We're on the other side of the excitement, he already came, but are we able to go back and try to experience the excitement that others had? Are we enjoying the sweetness of living it out? Or even tying it into what the sermon at my church was about this past week, and what we discussed at community group - we're on the anticipation side of the return of Jesus! The coming of the new earth! Getting to experience heaven! Is that what you're excited about? Is that what you're living for? Do you know that experiencing it will be so much sweeter than anything you've ever experienced in this world?! Eternal perspective. So good. I GET TO EXPERIENCE AN ETERNITY IN HEAVEN WITH JESUS! Now THAT is something to be excited about!

I've just been thinking about all of this a lot and thought I would share. Trying to enjoy certain anticipations and excitements in this season of life. But no anticipation could ever compare to the anticipation of seeing Jesus face to face, of joining in to the true community of the trinity, to see no pain, no suffering, no fear. Just sheer bliss, sheer joy, sheer excitement and worship. It's going to be amazing! Are you enjoying the excitements your getting to live out right now? Are you delaying gratification in order to appreciate the sweetness?

Overwhelmed with Jesus - the best kind of overwhelemed to be

There is literally so much, I have no idea where to begin, and unfortunately don't really have the time right now to dive into all of it.

God. Is. Good.

That pretty much sums it up. Passion was phenomenal. Not because of the worship, not because of who was there, not because of the speakers, but because of JESUS!

Yes the worship was fantastic, yes the people there were amazing, yes the speakers are people who have humbled themselves to be used by the Lord, and he used them. But at the end of the day, all I want is for my heart to be screaming the name of JESUS. Because HE is my savior. He and HE ALONE has brought me from death to life. He was at Passion. He came and met us where we were at. He touched lives, he was present, he was active, he is all we need.

I literally don't even know what to say...where to begin....

The Lord has yet again lit my heart on fire. All I want to do is go scream it out for the world to hear.

I had the life changing and amazing experience while at Passion 2012 to watch my dear dear brother go from death to life. (AHHH!!!!!) It is literally something that words cannot describe. I not only love him as my brother, but now am able to love him as my brother in Christ. THAT is the power of the gospel. THAT screams the name of JESUS!

I just sit in awe.

Every detail.

Every. single. one.

Was a miracle.

Neither my brother nor I should have been able to go to Passion.

Down to the fact that I took the teaching job I did, with the amazing principal I have, back in July. The job I didn't want. The one that God said, "go." (and I said, "are you sure?!") The Lord knew. No other job would have let me take 4 days off immediately following a 2 week break. It doesn't make sense. Yet it's exactly what happened.

Because God is THAT awesome.

I have recently been reminded in SO many ways of the Lord's faithfulness. It is all around me. And it is so what I need.

I've been seeing the Lord's faithfulness play out in so many ways in other people's lives. I'm not gonna lie, I get selfish and ask the Lord when my time is going to come for the prayers I've been praying all my life to come to fruition. But then the Lord stops me in my tracks. These things in others' lives, HAVE been my prayers. It is the Lord showing me he is faithful. They are things I have been praying for others for YEARS. And wow! HE IS GOOD. And then it is through those times of rejoicing with others that I gain perspective. He is faithful. Always. And right now, on this side, on the side of prayer and asking and waiting, I KNOW that because of the Lord's great character, HE IS FAITHFUL. He is being faithful to me right now. Even though I am not on the other side, looking back at his faithfulness, it doesn't change the fact that he is being faithful. He is good. He is constant. He is faithful. Always.

This has been an amazing reminder to me. A way of trusting the Lord. His character is trustworthy. And right now he is holding true to his promises. He is forever faithful.

Passion 2012

AHHH!!!!! I'm here again!!! This is amazing! The first session was last night and Louie kicked us off to a great start. You can join us online through a live feed, or you can watch previous videos as well. This is something you don't want to miss out on! Please pray for us. That God would open hearts and we would proclaim the name of JESUS! http://live.268generation.com/

Beth Moore - breakout session

Immediately after Beth's morning session, she did a breakout session for girls. It was amazing. We had just talked about the mind, and now we were going to talk about the heart. She did make it clear that we weren't talking about the heart without the guys because they don't struggle with heart issues. That was not the case. It was just how things fell.

Beth started out by talking about this being a new beginning, that God has a tremendous plan for all of us. Don't let anything ever convince you that God cannot work a miracle out of you. He is a God of wonders.

We looked at Psalm 37:1-9

"Do not fret because of those who are evil or be envious of those who do wrong; for like the grass they will soon wither, like green plants they will soon die away. Trust in the LORD and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn, your vindication like the noonday sun. Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him; do not fret when people succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes. Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret—it leads only to evil. For those who are evil will be destroyed, but those who hope in the LORD will inherit the land."

This is a psalm of David and was written as an acrostic, which means it was meant to be memorized. Beth seriously stressed the importance of memorizing scripture.

We act out of what we believe. (Referring back to the previous talk) If we keep believing the same thing, we will keep doing the same thing. It is not until something strategically changes our belief system that it starts to change our behavior.

Referring back to Psalm 37, we all have desires of our flesh, they can be daily struggles, but we're going to be looking at something deeper. The desire of our hearts. "Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart."

Beth went on to talk about 6 crucial things we need to remember when talking about our hearts.

1. Nothing dictates our lives like our desires.

You will be most driven by what it is you really want. You think, "what I need to do is the right thing - I'm not going to make that bad decision again." You cannot sustain the long term on what you need to do alone - it may help to get you out of a pit, but you won't stay out of it. In the end, we will follow our hearts, we will follow our desires. We will default back into what we want to do. Something in your heart needs to be healed or reformed because something in your heart will continue to lead you astray.

In John 1:38 the first question Jesus asks John is, "what do you want?" These are not cravings, not something you want in the next 2 hours, this is a sustained longing. Something unaffected by mood or surroundings. Psalm 38:9 says, "all my longings lie open before the Lord." What is it you long for? Beth gave an example of her grandson wanting chocolate cake, yelling, "I want CAAAAAKE!" We get fixated. Tunnel locked. I want a man, I want ministry, I want to be perfect, etc. What is is that is driving that?

2. Beneath the desire of our heart is the heart of our desire.

Okay, this gets a little tricky, try to follow, I'll try to explain it well.

In Psalm 37 the Lord says - you delight yourself in me and I will give you the desires of your heart. That is an enormous promise. We often view this as saying to God, "okay, I deserve this and this and I will delight in you and you will give me all of it."

God will either give you the desire of your heart, or the heart of your desire. He will give you one, and you want the heart of your desire to trump.

Some people have dreams of what they want to do or be from when they are very young. Beth shared about her daughter that kept changing what she wanted and where her life direction was. Thankfully, the Lord knows what it is that we really, actually want most.

This was Beth's example: if God did not listen to the heart of our desire, we would have married that guy when we were 13 (because that's what we WANTED!) But God goes beyond the desire of your heart because he knew that guy was not the heart of your desire.

If he is withholding the desire of your heart it is because he will give you the heart of your desire.

3. Delighting in God make our truest desires inevitable.

Psalm 37:4, 23-24 "Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart. If the LORD delights in a man’s way, he makes his steps firm; though he stumble, he will not fall, for the LORD upholds him with his hand."

This is a reciprocal desire. He delights in me.

God is not just a big boss. He is the biggest blast you will ever have!

Luke 10: 17-21, "The seventy-two returned with joy and said, “Lord, even the demons submit to us in your name.” He replied, “I saw Satan fall like lightning from heaven. I have given you authority to trample on snakes and scorpions and to overcome all the power of the enemy; nothing will harm you. However, do not rejoice that the spirits submit to you, but rejoice that your names are written in heaven.” At that time Jesus, full of joy through the Holy Spirit, said, “I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children. Yes, Father, for this was your good pleasure.

Sometimes God makes you do things you don't think you're capable of. God tells you what your capable of doing, but its mind blowing when you actually do it.

Beth Moore is terrified of public speaking.

Don't say you cannot do what you are just scared of doing. There is nothing like doing something you knew you were incapable of doing, because the spirit came and did it for you. Every single time you do something you thought you couldn't do and then the Lord does it with you, Satan falls like lightening from heaven. Some of us owe Satan some big ones. Make him sorry he ever messed with you.

Verse 21 in the Luke passage says, "at that time, Jesus full of joy..."

The Greek word for joy is chara - this is joy on steroids - can't keep this joy internalized. It is characterized by leaping and dancing. Christ is having a physical reaction to his joy.

Jesus delights in me. When I have a big victory, he is cheering right beside me. He is never unmoved. Yet you move him. We are a delight to him.

It's like when babies smile back at you, or laugh along with you. It is the same reaction with the Lord.

God is leaning over you saying, "do you have any idea how loved you are?" He brings us to a point where we smile and laugh back and there is delight. Mutual, beautiful delight.

That's how he feels when you smile back. There ain't no high like the most high! :)

Beth shared about going for walks with her ipod, singing along to the music. One time she stopped and played the air guitar. Sometimes you just can't help it. The joy and delight becomes a physical expression.

4. Nothing external can steal our right to delight.

Nothing circumstantial has the right to steal your delight. Only other emotions can take it from you.

What takes a bite out of delight? (all forms of desire) use the acronym JAW

J- Jealousy (Psalm 37:1)
it undercuts others
really not how we feel about them, but rather how we feel they make us feel about ourselves
something about that person that makes us feel something about ourselves that we do not like
will cheat joy out of your life
you're not meant to be someone else
A- Anger (Psalm 37:8)
we want to feel - be motivated (I know lots of athletes that would motivate themselves out of anger) - but it is meant to be holy passion. Anger is destructive passion.
anger is the antithesis of delight
anger is motivating, but it is destructive
what is it you're so mad about? sometimes we have reasons to be mad - Beth has a past of sexual abuse - she wanted to say to God, "it isn't fair. That wasn't fair." That is the destructive (unfair) side. But on the other side - there is nothing fair about grace. There is more grace to sweep you up in the river of God's mercy than you would ever need in a lifetime. There is nothing fair about the life he has planned.
I want to trade my anger for delight
W- Worry (fret) (Psalm 37:1,8)
worry is all wrapped up in control
at the root of our worry, we think we can control the situation. We can't.
it does not add one single second to our lives
fret - means to eat or gnaw into
our worry says Jesus may be Savior, but he is not Lord
our worry brings him no honor, no delight
trust is the cure for worry

5. To make room for delight, we've got to commit.

Psalm 37:5 "Commit your way to the Lord..."

We think we need to not commit to anything - keep our options open all the time - in order to experience delight

Commit your way to the Lord. The Hebrew word Galal - means to roll over upon, to roll yourself upon

Roll yourself over upon Him - dwell in the shadow of the most high. He's got a plan for your life. Perfectly suited for you. Even with your background, even with your failure in the past. He's got a plan that is perfectly suited for you - Commit!

It is time to commit.

6. Patiently waiting for desire to turn into delight is not passive.

Psalm 37:7 "be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him" - be still, and wait patiently - are not the same thing.

Be still - means shut up, be still, let him speak a word over you

Wait patiently - does not mean sitting and doing nothing. The Hebrew word means to twist or whirl, to dance or writhe in pain. Do it with anguish or delight.

There are times to be still and times to come before him and have a fit. Take every bit of anguish to him, and every bit of delight to him. Pour out your heart before him, he is a refuge for you. That writhing turns into a dance and you're free.

You can't beat life with Jesus for anything else in this world. He will be so good to you. He loves you so much.

Delight yourself in the Lord! And he will give you the desires of your heart.

Update

It is crazy to me that the last time I posted on here was the day before I started teaching. Much has happened. Wow. Tons.

I have hundreds of teaching stories, many that are funny and I would love to share. But I'm not really sure the rules about all of that. Some people know where I work and things like that, and then its putting information about students online. I don't know how all of that works, but I don't want to have it come back to me. So, sorry. Maybe sometimes I'll try to share anonymously.

Teaching as a whole has been...good. Really really hard job, with students that require gobs of patience, but I definitely don't hate it, which is what I thought was going to happen. So it's been good. Good only because God is good. He has been carrying me through every second of everyday.

Man, lots has happened. I started a new job, experienced ups and downs with another job, saw two of my dear dear friends get married, had two students move out of my class on one move in, have made many new friends through church, moved in with a family from church because my brother moved, my sister got engaged!!!!, went on a surprise visit or Orlando, got to hangout in NYC before Christmas while seeing a dear friend who just accepted the Lord!!!, had Christmas with the fam, and have been hanging out in the outer banks. Many stories in there, many fantastic times. Ask me if you want to hear about it :)

A serious miracle that has happened is that my principal is allowing me to go to Passion 2012 in Atlanta!!!! AHH!!! And an even bigger miracle is my little brother is going with me!!! Oh. My. Goodness. Words cannot describe my excitement. I literally can't wait!!!!

Which brings me to one of my reasons for posting. I'm only half way through Passion 2011 on my blog. Such amazing messages, such an amazing experience. I've failed at going through it all. I am going to write some tonight and hopefully a little tomorrow, but I don't think I'll get to them all. Sorry. Life happened. There will be updates over the next two days though. And then I'm off to experience it all over again!!! Love it.

New Seasons

Well, it's been forever. And MUCH has happened. I thought I would do an insanely quick catch up before my life turns into insanity starting tomorrow.

My summer was absolutely fantastic. I did a TON of traveling and got to see SO many friends this summer! Like almost all of them! Which is pretty intense if you knew where all my friends lived. I made multiple trips to Lake Champion, which is always the best. I was even able to make some new friends while being there!

I went to the Outer Banks for a week, did a New Jersey and camp trip twice, went to Shelter Island for a week with the fam, made a trip to Norfolk, went to Grand Rapids, MI for two weddings, got to see SO many dear friends while there, went to Cincinnati to see two of my favorite guys, spent a whole week at Lake Champion, worked, and hung out at the pool. It was quite fantastic.

In the midst of all that I managed to score a teaching job as well. Not exactly the dream job I was hoping for, but it's exactly where the Lord has me. I'm going to be teaching at the school I was aiding at for a couple months this past school year. It's an all special ed school and I'm going to be teaching kids with emotional disabilities. (so dealing with a lot of aggressive behavior) Honestly, I didn't want the job. I almost didn't take it. But after a TON of prayer, I had a huge peace about taking the job. It is definitely where the Lord wants me and I am now very excited about it! I have my reservations, but I'm trusting that the Lord will walk me through, one day at a time.

My first day as a real, live teacher is TOMORROW!!! Exciting, scary, so much to think about! I would love any and all prayers. I want to establish a good routine and clear expectations on my first day. Already praying for my students a lot!

Everything is about to get crazy and I'm trying to work out my schedule to not be overwhelmed. So we'll see how the blogging goes. Since I've already been horrible about it. Somehow, I don't know how, Passion 2011 will get completed before Passion 2012 happens. I still need to go through and listen to the talks again. Such rich stuff, I hope it is blessing you. It's definitely been a blessing to go back and experience it all again.

Well here I go into a whole new world! Always up for an adventure :)

Session 2 - Beth Moore (part 1)

Well, finally, I am here again, and this time, I'm actually going to write about Beth Moore's morning session talk. It's going to be long, and sorry if it doesn't make a ton of sense, I'm writing from the notes I took.

The passage she spoke on was Romans 12:1-2 "Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God - this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - his good, pleasing and perfect will."

God's will is perfect. The Bible says we have to be transformed by the renewing of our minds. Then, and ONLY then, will you be able to discern what the will of God is. We cannot know the will of God, without the renewing of our minds.

Anything that impacts our calling, God has direction for in our lives. He has a will for our lives, and his will is the most fulfilling.

There is no one like our God! There is nothing like him. And he has a will, a plan for your life.

In order to fulfill our callings, we need the Holy Spirit. We cannot do it on our own. We cannot accomplish what the Lord has called us to accomplish on our own. We have to fight for perseverance. It will not come easily and it will not come naturally. It requires a renewed mind.

Hebrews 10:35-36 says, "So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised."

Our minds need to be renewed. Let's just take a second to look at the beauty of our minds. Some facts about the brain (courtesy of Beth Moore)

Our brains are about the size of both fists. About three pounds. (these are three pounds you would NOT want to loose.)

Decisions are made in the front part of your brain. (Funny how people often touch their forehead when thinking about making a decision)

The memory part of the brain is close to your temple. (Again, often touched when trying to remember of something)

There are 100 billion neurons in our brains that make 100 trillion connections. (We can't even comprehend how big those numbers are!)

Off of these neurons are synapses - which kind of look like trees.
Matthew 7:20 says, "Thus, by their fruit, you will recognize them."
Whatever is going on in our minds - produces fruit in the activation of our lives

There is no way to measure the capacity of our brains. (kind of crazy to think about)

Our minds are brilliant. The capabilities of our minds are amazing. Beth told us about a story she saw in the news, or read somewhere about a guy who dove into a pool and hit his head on the bottom. He got a concussion and had some brain damage. When he had recovered, he was at a friends house who owned a piano. For some reason he was drawn to it. He sat down and started masterfully playing the piano. He had never touched a piano in his life. He could play Beethoven, and Mozart beautifully. Our brains are so cool!

The same mind that has the capacity for brilliance, has a capacity for darkness beyond what any of us have ever imagined. Henry Ward Beacher said, "there are materials enough in every mans mind to make a hell there."

Job 21:6 says, "when I think about this, I am terrified; trembling seizes my body." Our thoughts can produce physical results. Our mind controls our body.

God has given us the ability to reason and know what we do and why.

The King James Version of Jeremiah 29:11 says, "For I know the thoughts I think towards you, says the Lord. Thoughts of peace and not of evil. To give you a future and a hope." It may sound repetitive - the thoughts I think towards you - but God thinks thoughts towards us! Part of what separates us from animals is our intellect. The ability to think thoughts.

If we try to zero in on what is going on in our heads, we often think that real change is not even possible. That is a lie. WE CAN CHANGE OUR MINDS!

A word that is used over and over and over in scriptures, which means to change my mind, is the word repentance. Which means to change my mind in such a way that it changes my actions. Our ability to discern and distinguish the will of God is dependent on repentance - the changing of our minds.

Our minds have to be transformed.

I am only just getting started. I didn't realize quite how many pages of notes I took. But in the interest of trying to not loose you in length, I will continue in another post. Just hold tight, the best is yet to come. Don't forget this though.

Session 2 - Beth Moore (part 2)

Okay, so our minds are amazing. And we have the ability to change them. The Bible says that we have to be renewed by the transforming of our minds. This doesn't come easily and naturally. You have to work at it.

2 Corinthians 10:3-5 says, "For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ."

The transformation of our minds is not just going to happen. It is a battle we have to fight and we have to fight it deliberately. We have divine power to demolish strongholds, we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ - another way of saying renewing the mind.

If we reflect and look at what our lives would really be like if we gave our lives fully to Christ - it goes all the way back to the garden in Genesis. We somehow got into our heads that God is trying to cheat us, that we would be freer if we were out from under his control. We think he is about limiting us and taking from us. And we don't even begin to understand that he says - this is where life is beyond your imagination - when you bring your thoughts to me. Not to captivate them, but to give them a focus. To tell you, "this is your direction. This is what you were meant to do."

A stronghold is anything that gets a strong hold on your mind. It has mastery over you. It can be an addiction, greed, pride, forgiveness, lust, insecurity, jealousy, rejection, etc.

Ephesians 4:17-19 says, "So I tell you this, and insist on it in the Lord, that you must no longer live as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their thinking. They are darkened in their understanding and separated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them due to the hardening of their hearts. Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity, with a continual lust for more."

This is basically the New Testament definition of addiction. They had given themselves over...with a continual lust for more.

Our temptation is to think, "I just want to manage it (my stronghold or addiction), I can handle it." But the nature of addictions that it only calls for more and more and more and then the old thing that used to cut it for us no longer works. It then takes over and has a strong hold on us. A stronghold is anything that is pretending to have more power than God. It has exalted itself over your life.

2 Timothy 2:26 says, "and that they will come to their senses and escape from the trap of the devil, who has taken them captive to do his will."

The devil really does exist. The enemy has a plot to destroy God's will for your life. Anything he can do. God has a will for your life, and Satan has a will for your life. And both continually call for more. More and more for the spirit of Christ, or more and more bondage. But we will never be able to maintain where we are. That's not how the mind works. You are constantly moving in one direction or the other.

Okay, so is it really possible to live in mental victory? To live without any strongholds?

Psalm 119:133 says, "direct my footsteps according to your word; let no sin rule over me."

Sanctification (the process of being more like Christ) is an ongoing process. We are fully capable of living life completely victoriously. There is enough power in Christ that we can walk without any kind of sin having dominion over us.

1 Corinthians 6:12 says, "everything is permissible for me - but I will not be mastered by anything." Nothing in this world will have mastery over me. Like Louie had talked about in his talk the night before - we have to chain our lives to Christ. If he is truly our master, nothing else can be.

If we're really going to do what God has called us to do in our lives - it is really going to take some focus on Him. There have always been challenges, there will always be distractions. You have to let distractions go, and zero in on God. If you want a mind for God, if you want to be anointed by His power to do what you could not possibly do on your own - we've got to be able to frequently let go of everything else. To shut the door to every single pipe that is trying to get to us, and have our minds renewed before God. He doesn't yell. He speaks in a small still voice and we are desperate to hear it.

Psalm 27:4 says, "One thing I ask of the Lord, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to see him in his temple."

We have so many distractions. It is scary to think that the greatest minds in the world, the greatest minds of our generation may not make an impact because the mind has not been renewed enough to completely get God's will. One thing - God is a jealous God. He wants to be our one thing. Shut off every other thing to hear the Lord and do just one thing.

It's never been harder to do just one thing. Are we willing to work the mind that God has given us? Not to just watch something, but to read. And read a lot. And with all the capacity we have in our minds - to take captive the thoughts of Christ. Memorize scripture. Memorize chapters of scripture. Memorize whole books of the Bible. You're brain has the capacity to do it! And when it is in your head, you will see results in your actions. Your life will be renewed by the thoughts of Christ.

Luke 2:18-19 says, "and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds said to them. But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart."

Mary treasured the things that she heard from Jesus and pondered them in her heart. Everyone else was amazed, but Mary actually took the time to think things through. We can come together and be amazed. The conference was amazing. But it is pointless if we walk away just amazed. We need it to change our lives. The change comes when we don't stop at amazement, but we think it through. If we shut it down and do the next thing, we're going to miss what God has for us. Don't just be amazed. Think things through. For just one thing.

Session 2 - Beth Moore (part 3)

So our minds are amazing. And with an amazing mind, we can do really great things. We can also do really destructive things. Looking back at what Beth had said earlier in her talk, the same mind that has the capacity for brilliance, has a capacity for darkness beyond what any of us have ever imagined.

We're now going to look at the destructive patterns in our brains.

The really cool thing about our brains is that we can create pathways in our brains. A chain reaction is happening in neurons when we think the same way over and over again. The more we think that way, the more we burn a path in our brain through the neurons. When we think the same way over and over again it paves paths in our minds. These can either be destructive or constructive.

You basically pave a path. Which then turns into a road. And then a highway. If I get in this situation - this is the thing that I am going to think. Automatically. Because you have been thinking that way for so long. After the highway, we get on the toll road with it, and it acquires quite a cost to us. We really do have the right and the capacity to decide how we are going to think, what we're going to use our minds to do and what kind of path we are going to tread. We get to decide that this is going to become the reaction instead of that.

We can begin to think a new thought about an old situation. This is the renewing of your mind.

It is not an overnight fix. You can't just say, "I'm never going to think about this again."

A renewed mind - thinking new thoughts about the old thing - will defuse the power it has over you.

Beth said that people often say to her, "I can't change the way I feel." No. But you can change the way you think, and that will change the way you feel.

We have the capability, we have the invitation to know the thoughts we think. We can change our minds, and that will change our hearts.

Luke 24:45 says, "Then he opened their minds so they could understand the scriptures."

1 Corinthians 2:9-10 says, "no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him - but God has revealed it to us by his Spirit."

In order to hear one thing from Him, we have to frequently close everything out.

If you give him your mind, he will blow it for you.

Yellow Community Group - Philippians 2

So I was here with the intent on finally reflecting on Beth Moore's morning session talk at Passion. I re-watched the message a couple weeks ago and took down more notes. I was all prepared and then I went back to look at the notes I took at Passion and realized that we had a community group meeting that morning before the main session. It was some good stuff, so here it is. Beth Moore will be next.

We were split into smaller community groups to try and create a sense of community at Passion. I was in the Yellow community group which had about 1,000 people in it. But we all broke up into groups of about 6-8 people, got to know them and were able to talk and reflect as the weekend went on. It was a really great way to get to know people and I really enjoyed being able to talk things through and process it all with others who were hearing and experiencing all the same stuff.

That morning we talked about Philippians 2:1-11. Our community group leader was a guy, (I think his name was Aaron, but I don't remember) from New York City. He was really great and I really enjoyed the community group time.

So just a warning. This might be all over the place. I took notes, but I don't have it recorded or anything to re-live it and I don't remember everything. My notes are a little scattered, so sorry.

Okay, so Philippians 2. I'll type it out for you.

"If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, any comfort from his love, any fellowship with the spirit, and tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vein conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also the interests of others.

Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who being the very nature God did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death - even death on a cross!

Therefore, God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father."

I love these verses!

Aaron started off by talking about people who were being persecuted daily, something that I don't think we understand or have really experienced. At least I haven't. To the extent of people in the Bible or people in countries where worshiping God is illegal. Aaron, I think, started talking about people who meet in caves, or underground places. When they met, they knew that there was a good chance not all of them would be there the next time. It was that dangerous. And because of that, each time they met, they preached the gospel to each other.

In chapter 2 Paul turns to the Philippians and encourages them to advance the gospel.

It is hard for us to talk about identifying with Jesus in his humiliation. We don't get it in the same way he experienced it.

We are going to have to give up everything. Lay it all out there. For the sake of the gospel. You have to loose some things in order to gain some things. My life for your life.

Jesus humbled himself - became humiliated in order to become obedient to death. Even death on a cross. I find that I often don't associate being humble and humiliated in as close of context as they are. Jesus was humiliated in his death on the cross.

But Paul reminds the Philippians of the prize. "THEREFORE - God exalted him to the highest place..." Jesus is the prize. God's glory is the result. Humiliation had to happen in order for the resurrection to happen.

Do we understand the God-centeredness of Jesus?

If Jesus is truly God, how do we re-shape our lives? How does that change the way you live your life? What does that look like?

Is he real to you?

Jesus made himself nothing. He made himself a servant. Jesus is God (verse 6). YET willfully gave up all rights and privileges of being God. He subjected himself to the humiliation of death on a cross. He gave up everything.

In the church in Acts they were willing to give up everything for each other. In our society we think we have earned rights to certain things. We feel a sense of entitlement.

Am I willing to give that up?

Verse 9 is the prize. God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name. We are able to celebrate the resurrection of Jesus! But the resurrection isn't possible, if the humiliation didn't happen.

Sanctification (the process of becoming more like Christ) requires hardship.

********************

Looking back at this on Resurrection Sunday, I am yet again refreshed by the gospel. The message at the church I went to this morning was an excellent representation of the gospel. Here it is if you are interested. http://redemptionhill.com/easter-it-matters-part-1/ (just copy and paste, I couldn't figure out the link thing)

Heavy Heart

Today I checked my email at school and sadly got this email from Crossroads, the church I love in Grand Rapids. The church I love.

"Dear Crossroads family,

It is 3:30 in the morning, and I never thought I would be in a situation where I would need to inform Crossroads that I have lost a best friend and Crossroads has lost a pastor. Derek Taatjes and his son Dylan went to be with Jesus tonight.

My heart is numb with shock and devastated. No words can describe the grief of my heart. This is only a fraction of what Charity is experiencing, and their daughters Ella and JoJo, along with Derek's parent's Doug and Linda, and sister, Hillary.

I praise God for this community, because I know we will be Christ to this family and to each other as we mourn together in the loss of our brother and son.

Let me end with one of Derek's favorite verses.

The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away;
may the name of the LORD be praised.²

Derek loved this verse. I know he would love for us to love this verse right now.

Your brother,

Rod"

My heart just sank. I got to know Derek pretty well during my last year at Calvin as he took over the college-aged group, which I was really involved in. I was just at his house a little over a month ago visiting with a dear friend who was babysitting. There was a fire in the house and it is believed that Derek and Dylan succumbed to the smoke and fumes. Charity and the girls were on vacation.

My mind goes in a million different directions. A broken heart. Rejoicing in Derek and Dylan's lives. Rejoicing in the fact that they are in heaven with Jesus. Questioning why. Just a sad and heavy heart. And then thinking about Charity, Derek's wife, and my mind cannot even begin to comprehend. Not even begin. Her husband. Her 6 month old son.

But like one of Derek's favorite verses - may the Lord be praised. God is and will bring great good from this. It doesn't make it easy. It doesn't make the pain go away. But the Lord's name will be praised. Derek touched SO many lives in his life. And I know he will continue to touch SO many in his death.

Sometimes death just puts a reality on life. We tend to get in the mindset that we're invincible. It makes you ask what you're living for and what will people say or remember about you. Do people really know you and what you think is important?

I'm having a hard time being in Virginia. My heart is just SO at Crossroads and leaving that church was the hardest part about leaving Michigan. I want to be there with my church family as they pull together and go through this tragedy as a church. I want to be there this Sunday as they have one big service all together. But the Lord has called me here. Sometimes, in moments like these, I don't know why. But I know he has. And I have to trust that.

Please pray. From so far away that is all I can do. And I have to remind myself that it is something. Praying isn't just the last resort. It is active and powerful. Please join me in prayer for Crossroads and the Taatjes family. Please. Please pray for Charity. For an incomprehensible, indescribable peace that could only come from the Father.

May the Lord be praised.

Fort Worth

This weekend was Passion 2011 in Fort Worth. I prayed for them all weekend and from the blog update of pictures I saw, it seemed like they were having an amazing time. I just kept praying that God would work in the hearts and lives of everyone there, that they would experience the Lord like we did in Atlanta. It was so cool to feel like I was a part of the conference even though I wasn't there. We've all been praying for them since our conference ended. God is so good. I have a close friend that went, so I'm excited to hear how it went. And now I can finally take off this wristband that is falling apart :) Beth Moore talk update to come soon.

Louie Giglio - Opening Session

After amazing worship led by David Crowder Band (I think, if I remember correctly) Louie Giglio, who although I don't personally know him, is one of my favorite people ever, shared a great message with us to kick off Passion 2011 Atlanta.

He opened by telling us it is possible to be free and fully alive. He gave us power, encouraging us that we can change the world. He showed us a Time magazine who named Mark Zuckerberg Person of the Year. Mark is only 26 years old and the creator of facebook. Facebook has changed our lives. It has changed the world. It changed the way we communicate, the way we relate to people and the vocabulary we choose. Most people know what it means when someone takes a picture and they say, "tag me!" Louie shared a little bit about Mark, that people have offered him a billion dollars for facebook and he won't sell it. Because he loves it. A BILLION dollars. The article stated that Mark lives in a rented house, doesn't have a tv, drives an acura, and couldn't care less about material things. On his facebook pages, one of his "likes" is - "eliminating desire, it is so easy to get caught up in the things that don't matter."

May our prayers be, "Jesus drown out the desire in my heart for anything that doesn't really matter."

Jesus is the greatest name in history. The greatest of the past, the greatest of the present and will be the greatest name forever. May we make our lives count for what counts. The thing that matters : to him who sits on the throne, and the lamb be blessing and honor, glory and power forever and ever. Thats it.

We have to eliminate worldly desires.

The date that night was 1.1.11. Louie talked about how it was a new start. A fresh beginning. One beginning, one birth, one start, something new. It is possible to be free and fully alive.

We then looked at the first word of Philippians 1:1.

*side note: when Louie said to turn to Philippians and that we would be diving into Philippians this weekend, I got super excited! Philippians has been a theme for me over the last two years. I really want to memorize the whole book of Philippians and have been working on it on and off for the last two years. I also did a bible study on Philippians last year and it is also what I dove into with my mentor my last semester at Calvin. I only have the first chapter of Philippians memorized and have wanted to work on it more, but it is so hard! I just want to really really memorize it. To where I don't even have to think about the words, they just roll off my tongue. And memorizing is hard work. I'm also someone who never makes new years resolutions. Cause I always think that it has to be something that I do everyday and I know that I can't commit to that, so I don't do anything. But...while at Passion, I decided it would be a good new years resolution to have the whole book of Philippians memorized by next year. Totally doable. So keep me accountable to that. Ask me how I'm doing. I'm currently not too much further. I need to work on it.

Okay, so Philippians 1:1 (sorry, this is going to be really really long. It's good information though, I promise!)The first word of Philippians is "Paul." At first I was confused. Louie was making such a big deal about the first word, and all it was was Paul. I knew it. I'd repeated it hundreds of times. But this is why we have teachers :) This greeting, which is typical in many letters, is actually not Paul just saying, "oh hi, I'm Paul." In that first word he announces that all things can be made new. He's saying, "I used to be Saul, but now I'm coming to you as Paul." Back a couple books in Acts, times were not so good for followers of Jesus.

In Acts, Stephen was filled with the Holy Spirit and proclaimed the name of Jesus. Stephen was a follower of Christ, filled with great faith and boldness. He was filled with the Holy Spirit, the last verse in Acts 6 even says that his face was like the face of an angel. The people of the law at that time hated Stephen. Acts 7:54 says, "when they heard this, they were furious and gnashed their teeth at him." So mad and furious their teeth were chattering. Acts 7 continues the story. Stephen pointed to heaven and said look - the heavens were opening. The men screamed and covered their ears. They took him and stoned him. Meanwhile, the crowd is laying down cloth for Saul to walk on. Stephen prayed that the Lord would receive his spirit. Acts 8:1 "And Saul was there, giving approval to his death." He approved of it! It had his "blessing." And now fast forward to Philippians and Paul (who was Saul) is writing to encourage the church.

God changed his name. God changed his identity. God opened his eyes, gave him a new passion, a new view of life, a new reason to live. He had a new beginning. In one word "Paul" - we get the gospel. God uses his enemies for the greatest things on Earth.

We were all enemies of God. He has reconciled us by Christ's physical body by death. It is because of His grace. God chooses to use his enemies. He wants to use us. He wants to restore our lives. He wants to be a part of eliminating desire in our lives. Jesus made peace for all of us.

Philippians 1:3-6 Paul prays for us. And he is confident that God is not going to quit on the work that he started in us. God is for us. God is committed to making me like Jesus. Jesus and the Holy Spirit are praying for us right now.

In verse 12 Paul says, "now I want you to know, brothers, that what has happened to me has really served to advance the gospel." What had happened?

Paul was arrested and had been put in jail. He was chained to someone. He was not in ideal circumstances. It cost Paul a lot to push for the name of Jesus. Paul is writing this letter to Philippi from jail, with Timothy. He was chained up. In jail. But here he is saying, "oh don't worry, its all good. The whole entire palace guard and everyone else knows the name of Jesus. They know that Christ is the one who changed my life." It's almost as if he's even saying, "we didn't know how we would reach all these people. We didn't know how to share the great news with everyone inside. Well now we have! Everyone inside the palace guard knows the name of Jesus and they know that it is because of him my life is changed." And most of those people probably initially knew Paul as Saul.

We, us, in our culture have become such complainers! Paul understood that circumstances do not have anything to do with our joy and freedom. Circumstances do not have power over us both being free in Christ and fully alive. God does not care about our circumstances - they do not limit Him.

Louie then shared a story of a young guy, John Evans, who had recently died of cancer. He was at Passion 2010; leaving during the breaks to go get treatments. At his funeral his friends and family couldn't stop talking about how much he loved the Lord. Reading from his journal and hearing what people had to say, showed the life he lived. Apparently, cancer can't keep you from being free and fully alive. We preach our own funerals - who we are and what we live for. People cannot say things at our funeral that are not true.

Either our circumstances rise up and chain us there, or we let Jesus set us free. God has a purpose and a plan.

Philippians 1:21 "For me to live is Christ and to die is gain." Paul is saying, "If I live - great! I'm gonna keep shouting the name of Jesus. If you kill me, and I die - great! That is great gain, I get the prize of going to be with Jesus!" Paul basically said, "You have no chains on me."

The opposite happens to us. We say that we're not going to be chained by anything. We're going to do our own thing. Nothing will chain us down. And we think that by doing our own thing we'll find freedom. But doing our own thing equals chains. All doing our own thing does is wrap a chain around our necks in about 5 seconds. Freedom comes from choosing the chain. The chain of Jesus sets us free. I want to choose for my life to be connected to Him. I choose Jesus. The second we choose to connect our lives to Jesus, we are instantly and forever free. We are free from everything the moment we choose to chain our lives to Jesus. You can choose to not chain your life to anything or anybody. Fine. But know that something is coming back at you and will grab a hold of you. There is no option in the middle. Either you choose it, or it will choose you.

Johnathan Edwards had made a New Years resolution - I will choose to live for God - it is a chain. When I choose that, I said no to every other chain.

This is similar to marriage. And why Louie joked it is so hard for guys to commit sometimes. Because saying yes to one girl, means saying no to every other girl in the world. And sometimes that is much harder.

The same goes for choosing a chain. Saying YES to Jesus, means you are saying NO to everything else this world has to offer.

Louie closed with two John Piper quotes,

"God is glorified best in me when I am satisfied most in him."

"The glory of God is man fully alive."

The Plan: to live to the FULL - being free.

When you say, "Yes" to Jesus, he can do everything. No matter what circumstance we are in.

Passion Atlanta 2011

Okay, I'm doing it. After two months of wanting to, but not being sure I could make the commitment, I've just got to do it. I need to sit down and fully reflect on Passion and the amazing encounters with Jesus and Truth that I had. I'm sorry if it's boring, I hope it's not, but it is something that I need to do for me, and if I'm going to sit down and hash things out, I feel like I might as well put it somewhere that maybe someone else will learn from it too. So this is my commitment, that I am going to walk through Passion Atlanta 2011 for you. Talk by talk, session by session. It's going to take a while, there are going to be many posts, but I need to do it.

In our community group on the last day we were all talking about what we were going to say to people when they asked about how Passion was. It's something that you can't really describe. The answer: Jesus. That is what Passion was about, that is what I got out of it. Jesus. He was there. He was present. But to try and flesh that out...someone said that they calculated it out and said that it would take 4.3 billion words to describe the four days of Passion. I'm not gonna be able to do that. Someone else calculated it out that at the average rate of human speech (100wpm) it would take seven weeks to describe Passion 2011. And I'm someone who's long winded :) So we'll see where this goes, I'd love to just write about what each person shared, my experience walking though the weekend and what the Lord has been teaching me. It may take all year. But I really feel like it is something I need to do. So I am publicly stating that I'm going to reflect on Passion. Not that I haven't at all, but I want to make sure that I do it justice in my own walk with the Lord.

I just watched a video on a glimpse of Passion and it made me so excited about it again. I'm planning on re-watching all the talks and recapping them and reflecting on them when I'm done. We'll see how it goes. I hope you learn from it and aren't bored.