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Anticipation and Excitement

2012-01-14T09:43:00.003-05:00

There is something about delayed gratification and anticipation that I love. I've recently realized that it is something I often times go out of my way to create. In many situations, I like not knowing. If someone wants to tell me a gift they got me, I ask them not to. I like the anticipation. I even do it in stupid things in my life. (I think this is weird, I'm not sure, do other people do things like this?) But things that don't matter, like when eating my lunch. If there is something I'm really excited about that I packed in my lunch that day, I make sure I eat it last. When I eat fruit snacks, I eat all the colors I don't like first, savoring the ones I do like. If I get an email I'm really excited about from a friend, I will open all my other emails first, delaying the gratification, enjoying the anticipation. If I'm hanging out with friends and get a voicemail, I'll wait until I'm actually home to listen to it, enjoying the excitement and anticipation my whole drive back.

I love surprises!

I love surprising people. Because it's exciting. The anticipation...it just creeps up and gets bigger and bigger in my gut....more and more exciting the closer and closer the surprise gets.

I recently surprised my sister in Florida. SO FUN! And the anticipation is a highlight in all of it. The whole thing was so fun. Buying my ticket before she was even engaged, having to tell her multiple times that I wasn't going to be able to make it, knowing I was going to see her shortly, getting to the airport, figuring out how I was going to surprise her, almost ruining the whole plan, figuring out another plan, calling her and telling her to turn around, all of it is so fun. The days leading up to it, the anticipation builds. The night before I was SO excited! The morning of, my stomach was in knots and I couldn't sit still. That time leading up to the surprise and the short time before it happens, working out the details is an excitement like no other. I don't even know how to put it to words. It's almost like the time leading up to a surprise is the most exciting part. The whole weekend was AMAZING, I enjoyed every minute of it, but the feeling of anticipation doesn't last, because you end up living out what you were so excited about.

I think there are kind of two lessons in this. One, is that we have to remember to enjoy the present when we are living out the excitement. I think it is safe to say that in our culture, we're constantly looking ahead. Constantly hoping for something down the road. Constantly striving for a future pleasure. That once it gets there, we forget to enjoy it. We're already looking for the next exciting thing, or the next life milestone. A promotion, a spouse, a family, a house, more money ... we always want more, that we forget to enjoy the place we're in, the place we worked or waited to be. We have to start living now. We have to start enjoying the present.

And the other thing I think we can learn is that sometimes delaying gratification can make the situation so much sweeter. Enjoy the unknown, the anticipated, the excitement. It is much more fun and makes living it out that much more precious.

I feel like God has been challenging me in these perspectives in many ways. I've been thinking about it since before I surprised my sister 4 weeks ago, and I've been able to relate it to many areas of my life. Trusting in the Lord's faithfulness, the sermon this sunday, realizing things about myself, even in tv shows. (My one tv show that I let myself follow is Biggest Loser and even when they weigh in every week, it is the unknown that makes it so exciting. The contestants can't weigh themselves throughout the week, they have to wait until the end, delay the gratification. The show would be much much less exciting if we could see how much weight they lost each day and just totaled the weights at the end of the week. But the mystery of it all adds to the suspense, the excitement.)

Now that I think about it, this all really goes back to before Christmas for me. One of the things that I prayed about a lot, through the season of advent, was the excitement and anticipation of what the shepherds and wisemen experienced waiting for the birth of their savior. We get so excited for so many things around the holidays. Many things are good things. But do we have the most excitement of all in the fact that He came to earth to save our souls? We're on the other side of the excitement, he already came, but are we able to go back and try to experience the excitement that others had? Are we enjoying the sweetness of living it out? Or even tying it into what the sermon at my church was about this past week, and what we discussed at community group - we're on the anticipation side of the return of Jesus! The coming of the new earth! Getting to experience heaven! Is that what you're excited about? Is that what you're living for? Do you know that experiencing it will be so much sweeter than anything you've ever experienced in this world?! Eternal perspective. So good. I GET TO EXPERIENCE AN ETERNITY IN HEAVEN WITH JESUS! Now THAT is something to be excited about!

I've just been thinking about all of this a lot and thought I would share. Trying to enjoy certain anticipations and excitements in this season of life. But no anticipation could ever compare to the anticipation of seeing Jesus face to face, of joining in to the true community of the trinity, to see no pain, no suffering, no fear. Just sheer bliss, sheer joy, sheer excitement and worship. It's going to be amazing! Are you enjoying the excitements your getting to live out right now? Are you delaying gratification in order to appreciate the sweetness?

Overwhelmed with Jesus - the best kind of overwhelemed to be

2012-01-10T19:53:00.002-05:00

There is literally so much, I have no idea where to begin, and unfortunately don't really have the time right now to dive into all of it.

God. Is. Good.

That pretty much sums it up. Passion was phenomenal. Not because of the worship, not because of who was there, not because of the speakers, but because of JESUS!

Yes the worship was fantastic, yes the people there were amazing, yes the speakers are people who have humbled themselves to be used by the Lord, and he used them. But at the end of the day, all I want is for my heart to be screaming the name of JESUS. Because HE is my savior. He and HE ALONE has brought me from death to life. He was at Passion. He came and met us where we were at. He touched lives, he was present, he was active, he is all we need.

I literally don't even know what to say...where to begin....

The Lord has yet again lit my heart on fire. All I want to do is go scream it out for the world to hear.

I had the life changing and amazing experience while at Passion 2012 to watch my dear dear brother go from death to life. (AHHH!!!!!) It is literally something that words cannot describe. I not only love him as my brother, but now am able to love him as my brother in Christ. THAT is the power of the gospel. THAT screams the name of JESUS!

I just sit in awe.

Every detail.

Every. single. one.

Was a miracle.

Neither my brother nor I should have been able to go to Passion.

Down to the fact that I took the teaching job I did, with the amazing principal I have, back in July. The job I didn't want. The one that God said, "go." (and I said, "are you sure?!") The Lord knew. No other job would have let me take 4 days off immediately following a 2 week break. It doesn't make sense. Yet it's exactly what happened.

Because God is THAT awesome.

I have recently been reminded in SO many ways of the Lord's faithfulness. It is all around me. And it is so what I need.

I've been seeing the Lord's faithfulness play out in so many ways in other people's lives. I'm not gonna lie, I get selfish and ask the Lord when my time is going to come for the prayers I've been praying all my life to come to fruition. But then the Lord stops me in my tracks. These things in others' lives, HAVE been my prayers. It is the Lord showing me he is faithful. They are things I have been praying for others for YEARS. And wow! HE IS GOOD. And then it is through those times of rejoicing with others that I gain perspective. He is faithful. Always. And right now, on this side, on the side of prayer and asking and waiting, I KNOW that because of the Lord's great character, HE IS FAITHFUL. He is being faithful to me right now. Even though I am not on the other side, looking back at his faithfulness, it doesn't change the fact that he is being faithful. He is good. He is constant. He is faithful. Always.

This has been an amazing reminder to me. A way of trusting the Lord. His character is trustworthy. And right now he is holding true to his promises. He is forever faithful.

Passion 2012

2012-01-03T07:41:00.002-05:00

AHHH!!!!! I'm here again!!! This is amazing! The first session was last night and Louie kicked us off to a great start. You can join us online through a live feed, or you can watch previous videos as well. This is something you don't want to miss out on! Please pray for us. That God would open hearts and we would proclaim the name of JESUS! http://live.268generation.com/

Beth Moore - breakout session

2011-12-30T09:59:00.005-05:00

Immediately after Beth's morning session, she did a breakout session for girls. It was amazing. We had just talked about the mind, and now we were going to talk about the heart. She did make it clear that we weren't talking about the heart without the guys because they don't struggle with heart issues. That was not the case. It was just how things fell.

Beth started out by talking about this being a new beginning, that God has a tremendous plan for all of us. Don't let anything ever convince you that God cannot work a miracle out of you. He is a God of wonders.

We looked at Psalm 37:1-9

"Do not fret because of those who are evil or be envious of those who do wrong; for like the grass they will soon wither, like green plants they will soon die away. Trust in the LORD and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn, your vindication like the noonday sun. Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him; do not fret when people succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes. Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret—it leads only to evil. For those who are evil will be destroyed, but those who hope in the LORD will inherit the land."

This is a psalm of David and was written as an acrostic, which means it was meant to be memorized. Beth seriously stressed the importance of memorizing scripture.

We act out of what we believe. (Referring back to the previous talk) If we keep believing the same thing, we will keep doing the same thing. It is not until something strategically changes our belief system that it starts to change our behavior.

Referring back to Psalm 37, we all have desires of our flesh, they can be daily struggles, but we're going to be looking at something deeper. The desire of our hearts. "Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart."

Beth went on to talk about 6 crucial things we need to remember when talking about our hearts.

1. Nothing dictates our lives like our desires.

You will be most driven by what it is you really want. You think, "what I need to do is the right thing - I'm not going to make that bad decision again." You cannot sustain the long term on what you need to do alone - it may help to get you out of a pit, but you won't stay out of it. In the end, we will follow our hearts, we will follow our desires. We will default back into what we want to do. Something in your heart needs to be healed or reformed because something in your heart will continue to lead you astray.

In John 1:38 the first question Jesus asks John is, "what do you want?" These are not cravings, not something you want in the next 2 hours, this is a sustained longing. Something unaffected by mood or surroundings. Psalm 38:9 says, "all my longings lie open before the Lord." What is it you long for? Beth gave an example of her grandson wanting chocolate cake, yelling, "I want CAAAAAKE!" We get fixated. Tunnel locked. I want a man, I want ministry, I want to be perfect, etc. What is is that is driving that?

2. Beneath the desire of our heart is the heart of our desire.

Okay, this gets a little tricky, try to follow, I'll try to explain it well.

In Psalm 37 the Lord says - you delight yourself in me and I will give you the desires of your heart. That is an enormous promise. We often view this as saying to God, "okay, I deserve this and this and I will delight in you and you will give me all of it."

God will either give you the desire of your heart, or the heart of your desire. He will give you one, and you want the heart of your desire to trump.

Some people have dreams of what they want to do or be from when they are very young. Beth shared about her daughter that kept changing what she wanted and where her life direction was. Thankfully, the Lord knows what it is that we really, actually want most.

This was Beth's example: if God did not listen to the heart of our desire, we would have married that guy when we were 13 (because that's what we WANTED!) But God goes beyond the desire of your heart because he knew that guy was not the heart of your desire.

If he is withholding the desire of your heart it is because he will give you the heart of your desire.

3. Delighting in God make our truest desires inevitable.

Psalm 37:4, 23-24 "Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart. If the LORD delights in a man’s way, he makes his steps firm; though he stumble, he will not fall, for the LORD upholds him with his hand."

This is a reciprocal desire. He delights in me.

God is not just a big boss. He is the biggest blast you will ever have!

Luke 10: 17-21, "The seventy-two returned with joy and said, “Lord, even the demons submit to us in your name.” He replied, “I saw Satan fall like lightning from heaven. I have given you authority to trample on snakes and scorpions and to overcome all the power of the enemy; nothing will harm you. However, do not rejoice that the spirits submit to you, but rejoice that your names are written in heaven.” At that time Jesus, full of joy through the Holy Spirit, said, “I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children. Yes, Father, for this was your good pleasure.

Sometimes God makes you do things you don't think you're capable of. God tells you what your capable of doing, but its mind blowing when you actually do it.

Beth Moore is terrified of public speaking.

Don't say you cannot do what you are just scared of doing. There is nothing like doing something you knew you were incapable of doing, because the spirit came and did it for you. Every single time you do something you thought you couldn't do and then the Lord does it with you, Satan falls like lightening from heaven. Some of us owe Satan some big ones. Make him sorry he ever messed with you.

Verse 21 in the Luke passage says, "at that time, Jesus full of joy..."

The Greek word for joy is chara - this is joy on steroids - can't keep this joy internalized. It is characterized by leaping and dancing. Christ is having a physical reaction to his joy.

Jesus delights in me. When I have a big victory, he is cheering right beside me. He is never unmoved. Yet you move him. We are a delight to him.

It's like when babies smile back at you, or laugh along with you. It is the same reaction with the Lord.

God is leaning over you saying, "do you have any idea how loved you are?" He brings us to a point where we smile and laugh back and there is delight. Mutual, beautiful delight.

That's how he feels when you smile back. There ain't no high like the most high! :)

Beth shared about going for walks with her ipod, singing along to the music. One time she stopped and played the air guitar. Sometimes you just can't help it. The joy and delight becomes a physical expression.

4. Nothing external can steal our right to delight.

Nothing circumstantial has the right to steal your delight. Only other emotions can take it from you.

What takes a bite out of delight? (all forms of desire) use the acronym JAW

J- Jealousy (Psalm 37:1)
it undercuts others
really not how we feel about them, but rather how we feel they make us feel about ourselves
something about that person that makes us feel something about ourselves that we do not like
will cheat joy out of your life
you're not meant to be someone else
A- Anger (Psalm 37:8)
we want to feel - be motivated (I know lots of athletes that would motivate themselves out of anger) - but it is meant to be holy passion. Anger is destructive passion.
anger is the antithesis of delight
anger is motivating, but it is destructive
what is it you're so mad about? sometimes we have reasons to be mad - Beth has a past of sexual abuse - she wanted to say to God, "it isn't fair. That wasn't fair." That is the destructive (unfair) side. But on the other side - there is nothing fair about grace. There is more grace to sweep you up in the river of God's mercy than you would ever need in a lifetime. There is nothing fair about the life he has planned.
I want to trade my anger for delight
W- Worry (fret) (Psalm 37:1,8)
worry is all wrapped up in control
at the root of our worry, we think we can control the situation. We can't.
it does not add one single second to our lives
fret - means to eat or gnaw into
our worry says Jesus may be Savior, but he is not Lord
our worry brings him no honor, no delight
trust is the cure for worry

5. To make room for delight, we've got to commit.

Psalm 37:5 "Commit your way to the Lord..."

We think we need to not commit to anything - keep our options open all the time - in order to experience delight

Commit your way to the Lord. The Hebrew word Galal - means to roll over upon, to roll yourself upon

Roll yourself over upon Him - dwell in the shadow of the most high. He's got a plan for your life. Perfectly suited for you. Even with your background, even with your failure in the past. He's got a plan that is perfectly suited for you - Commit!

It is time to commit.

6. Patiently waiting for desire to turn into delight is not passive.

Psalm 37:7 "be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him" - be still, and wait patiently - are not the same thing.

Be still - means shut up, be still, let him speak a word over you

Wait patiently - does not mean sitting and doing nothing. The Hebrew word means to twist or whirl, to dance or writhe in pain. Do it with anguish or delight.

There are times to be still and times to come before him and have a fit. Take every bit of anguish to him, and every bit of delight to him. Pour out your heart before him, he is a refuge for you. That writhing turns into a dance and you're free.

You can't beat life with Jesus for anything else in this world. He will be so good to you. He loves you so much.

Delight yourself in the Lord! And he will give you the desires of your heart.

Update

2011-12-29T18:21:00.000-05:00

It is crazy to me that the last time I posted on here was the day before I started teaching. Much has happened. Wow. Tons.

I have hundreds of teaching stories, many that are funny and I would love to share. But I'm not really sure the rules about all of that. Some people know where I work and things like that, and then its putting information about students online. I don't know how all of that works, but I don't want to have it come back to me. So, sorry. Maybe sometimes I'll try to share anonymously.

Teaching as a whole has been...good. Really really hard job, with students that require gobs of patience, but I definitely don't hate it, which is what I thought was going to happen. So it's been good. Good only because God is good. He has been carrying me through every second of everyday.

Man, lots has happened. I started a new job, experienced ups and downs with another job, saw two of my dear dear friends get married, had two students move out of my class on one move in, have made many new friends through church, moved in with a family from church because my brother moved, my sister got engaged!!!!, went on a surprise visit or Orlando, got to hangout in NYC before Christmas while seeing a dear friend who just accepted the Lord!!!, had Christmas with the fam, and have been hanging out in the outer banks. Many stories in there, many fantastic times. Ask me if you want to hear about it :)

A serious miracle that has happened is that my principal is allowing me to go to Passion 2012 in Atlanta!!!! AHH!!! And an even bigger miracle is my little brother is going with me!!! Oh. My. Goodness. Words cannot describe my excitement. I literally can't wait!!!!

Which brings me to one of my reasons for posting. I'm only half way through Passion 2011 on my blog. Such amazing messages, such an amazing experience. I've failed at going through it all. I am going to write some tonight and hopefully a little tomorrow, but I don't think I'll get to them all. Sorry. Life happened. There will be updates over the next two days though. And then I'm off to experience it all over again!!! Love it.

New Seasons

2011-09-05T16:32:00.002-04:00

Well, it's been forever. And MUCH has happened. I thought I would do an insanely quick catch up before my life turns into insanity starting tomorrow.

My summer was absolutely fantastic. I did a TON of traveling and got to see SO many friends this summer! Like almost all of them! Which is pretty intense if you knew where all my friends lived. I made multiple trips to Lake Champion, which is always the best. I was even able to make some new friends while being there!

I went to the Outer Banks for a week, did a New Jersey and camp trip twice, went to Shelter Island for a week with the fam, made a trip to Norfolk, went to Grand Rapids, MI for two weddings, got to see SO many dear friends while there, went to Cincinnati to see two of my favorite guys, spent a whole week at Lake Champion, worked, and hung out at the pool. It was quite fantastic.

In the midst of all that I managed to score a teaching job as well. Not exactly the dream job I was hoping for, but it's exactly where the Lord has me. I'm going to be teaching at the school I was aiding at for a couple months this past school year. It's an all special ed school and I'm going to be teaching kids with emotional disabilities. (so dealing with a lot of aggressive behavior) Honestly, I didn't want the job. I almost didn't take it. But after a TON of prayer, I had a huge peace about taking the job. It is definitely where the Lord wants me and I am now very excited about it! I have my reservations, but I'm trusting that the Lord will walk me through, one day at a time.

My first day as a real, live teacher is TOMORROW!!! Exciting, scary, so much to think about! I would love any and all prayers. I want to establish a good routine and clear expectations on my first day. Already praying for my students a lot!

Everything is about to get crazy and I'm trying to work out my schedule to not be overwhelmed. So we'll see how the blogging goes. Since I've already been horrible about it. Somehow, I don't know how, Passion 2011 will get completed before Passion 2012 happens. I still need to go through and listen to the talks again. Such rich stuff, I hope it is blessing you. It's definitely been a blessing to go back and experience it all again.

Well here I go into a whole new world! Always up for an adventure :)

Session 2 - Beth Moore (part 1)

2011-06-05T17:26:00.002-04:00

Well, finally, I am here again, and this time, I'm actually going to write about Beth Moore's morning session talk. It's going to be long, and sorry if it doesn't make a ton of sense, I'm writing from the notes I took.

The passage she spoke on was Romans 12:1-2 "Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God - this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - his good, pleasing and perfect will."

God's will is perfect. The Bible says we have to be transformed by the renewing of our minds. Then, and ONLY then, will you be able to discern what the will of God is. We cannot know the will of God, without the renewing of our minds.

Anything that impacts our calling, God has direction for in our lives. He has a will for our lives, and his will is the most fulfilling.

There is no one like our God! There is nothing like him. And he has a will, a plan for your life.

In order to fulfill our callings, we need the Holy Spirit. We cannot do it on our own. We cannot accomplish what the Lord has called us to accomplish on our own. We have to fight for perseverance. It will not come easily and it will not come naturally. It requires a renewed mind.

Hebrews 10:35-36 says, "So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised."

Our minds need to be renewed. Let's just take a second to look at the beauty of our minds. Some facts about the brain (courtesy of Beth Moore)

Our brains are about the size of both fists. About three pounds. (these are three pounds you would NOT want to loose.)

Decisions are made in the front part of your brain. (Funny how people often touch their forehead when thinking about making a decision)

The memory part of the brain is close to your temple. (Again, often touched when trying to remember of something)

There are 100 billion neurons in our brains that make 100 trillion connections. (We can't even comprehend how big those numbers are!)

Off of these neurons are synapses - which kind of look like trees.
Matthew 7:20 says, "Thus, by their fruit, you will recognize them."
Whatever is going on in our minds - produces fruit in the activation of our lives

There is no way to measure the capacity of our brains. (kind of crazy to think about)

Our minds are brilliant. The capabilities of our minds are amazing. Beth told us about a story she saw in the news, or read somewhere about a guy who dove into a pool and hit his head on the bottom. He got a concussion and had some brain damage. When he had recovered, he was at a friends house who owned a piano. For some reason he was drawn to it. He sat down and started masterfully playing the piano. He had never touched a piano in his life. He could play Beethoven, and Mozart beautifully. Our brains are so cool!

The same mind that has the capacity for brilliance, has a capacity for darkness beyond what any of us have ever imagined. Henry Ward Beacher said, "there are materials enough in every mans mind to make a hell there."

Job 21:6 says, "when I think about this, I am terrified; trembling seizes my body." Our thoughts can produce physical results. Our mind controls our body.

God has given us the ability to reason and know what we do and why.

The King James Version of Jeremiah 29:11 says, "For I know the thoughts I think towards you, says the Lord. Thoughts of peace and not of evil. To give you a future and a hope." It may sound repetitive - the thoughts I think towards you - but God thinks thoughts towards us! Part of what separates us from animals is our intellect. The ability to think thoughts.

If we try to zero in on what is going on in our heads, we often think that real change is not even possible. That is a lie. WE CAN CHANGE OUR MINDS!

A word that is used over and over and over in scriptures, which means to change my mind, is the word repentance. Which means to change my mind in such a way that it changes my actions. Our ability to discern and distinguish the will of God is dependent on repentance - the changing of our minds.

Our minds have to be transformed.

I am only just getting started. I didn't realize quite how many pages of notes I took. But in the interest of trying to not loose you in length, I will continue in another post. Just hold tight, the best is yet to come. Don't forget this though.

Session 2 - Beth Moore (part 2)

2011-06-05T17:24:00.004-04:00

Okay, so our minds are amazing. And we have the ability to change them. The Bible says that we have to be renewed by the transforming of our minds. This doesn't come easily and naturally. You have to work at it.

2 Corinthians 10:3-5 says, "For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ."

The transformation of our minds is not just going to happen. It is a battle we have to fight and we have to fight it deliberately. We have divine power to demolish strongholds, we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ - another way of saying renewing the mind.

If we reflect and look at what our lives would really be like if we gave our lives fully to Christ - it goes all the way back to the garden in Genesis. We somehow got into our heads that God is trying to cheat us, that we would be freer if we were out from under his control. We think he is about limiting us and taking from us. And we don't even begin to understand that he says - this is where life is beyond your imagination - when you bring your thoughts to me. Not to captivate them, but to give them a focus. To tell you, "this is your direction. This is what you were meant to do."

A stronghold is anything that gets a strong hold on your mind. It has mastery over you. It can be an addiction, greed, pride, forgiveness, lust, insecurity, jealousy, rejection, etc.

Ephesians 4:17-19 says, "So I tell you this, and insist on it in the Lord, that you must no longer live as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their thinking. They are darkened in their understanding and separated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them due to the hardening of their hearts. Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity, with a continual lust for more."

This is basically the New Testament definition of addiction. They had given themselves over...with a continual lust for more.

Our temptation is to think, "I just want to manage it (my stronghold or addiction), I can handle it." But the nature of addictions that it only calls for more and more and more and then the old thing that used to cut it for us no longer works. It then takes over and has a strong hold on us. A stronghold is anything that is pretending to have more power than God. It has exalted itself over your life.

2 Timothy 2:26 says, "and that they will come to their senses and escape from the trap of the devil, who has taken them captive to do his will."

The devil really does exist. The enemy has a plot to destroy God's will for your life. Anything he can do. God has a will for your life, and Satan has a will for your life. And both continually call for more. More and more for the spirit of Christ, or more and more bondage. But we will never be able to maintain where we are. That's not how the mind works. You are constantly moving in one direction or the other.

Okay, so is it really possible to live in mental victory? To live without any strongholds?

Psalm 119:133 says, "direct my footsteps according to your word; let no sin rule over me."

Sanctification (the process of being more like Christ) is an ongoing process. We are fully capable of living life completely victoriously. There is enough power in Christ that we can walk without any kind of sin having dominion over us.

1 Corinthians 6:12 says, "everything is permissible for me - but I will not be mastered by anything." Nothing in this world will have mastery over me. Like Louie had talked about in his talk the night before - we have to chain our lives to Christ. If he is truly our master, nothing else can be.

If we're really going to do what God has called us to do in our lives - it is really going to take some focus on Him. There have always been challenges, there will always be distractions. You have to let distractions go, and zero in on God. If you want a mind for God, if you want to be anointed by His power to do what you could not possibly do on your own - we've got to be able to frequently let go of everything else. To shut the door to every single pipe that is trying to get to us, and have our minds renewed before God. He doesn't yell. He speaks in a small still voice and we are desperate to hear it.

Psalm 27:4 says, "One thing I ask of the Lord, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to see him in his temple."

We have so many distractions. It is scary to think that the greatest minds in the world, the greatest minds of our generation may not make an impact because the mind has not been renewed enough to completely get God's will. One thing - God is a jealous God. He wants to be our one thing. Shut off every other thing to hear the Lord and do just one thing.

It's never been harder to do just one thing. Are we willing to work the mind that God has given us? Not to just watch something, but to read. And read a lot. And with all the capacity we have in our minds - to take captive the thoughts of Christ. Memorize scripture. Memorize chapters of scripture. Memorize whole books of the Bible. You're brain has the capacity to do it! And when it is in your head, you will see results in your actions. Your life will be renewed by the thoughts of Christ.

Luke 2:18-19 says, "and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds said to them. But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart."

Mary treasured the things that she heard from Jesus and pondered them in her heart. Everyone else was amazed, but Mary actually took the time to think things through. We can come together and be amazed. The conference was amazing. But it is pointless if we walk away just amazed. We need it to change our lives. The change comes when we don't stop at amazement, but we think it through. If we shut it down and do the next thing, we're going to miss what God has for us. Don't just be amazed. Think things through. For just one thing.

Session 2 - Beth Moore (part 3)

2011-06-05T17:24:00.002-04:00

So our minds are amazing. And with an amazing mind, we can do really great things. We can also do really destructive things. Looking back at what Beth had said earlier in her talk, the same mind that has the capacity for brilliance, has a capacity for darkness beyond what any of us have ever imagined.

We're now going to look at the destructive patterns in our brains.

The really cool thing about our brains is that we can create pathways in our brains. A chain reaction is happening in neurons when we think the same way over and over again. The more we think that way, the more we burn a path in our brain through the neurons. When we think the same way over and over again it paves paths in our minds. These can either be destructive or constructive.

You basically pave a path. Which then turns into a road. And then a highway. If I get in this situation - this is the thing that I am going to think. Automatically. Because you have been thinking that way for so long. After the highway, we get on the toll road with it, and it acquires quite a cost to us. We really do have the right and the capacity to decide how we are going to think, what we're going to use our minds to do and what kind of path we are going to tread. We get to decide that this is going to become the reaction instead of that.

We can begin to think a new thought about an old situation. This is the renewing of your mind.

It is not an overnight fix. You can't just say, "I'm never going to think about this again."

A renewed mind - thinking new thoughts about the old thing - will defuse the power it has over you.

Beth said that people often say to her, "I can't change the way I feel." No. But you can change the way you think, and that will change the way you feel.

We have the capability, we have the invitation to know the thoughts we think. We can change our minds, and that will change our hearts.

Luke 24:45 says, "Then he opened their minds so they could understand the scriptures."

1 Corinthians 2:9-10 says, "no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him - but God has revealed it to us by his Spirit."

In order to hear one thing from Him, we have to frequently close everything out.

If you give him your mind, he will blow it for you.

Yellow Community Group - Philippians 2

2011-04-24T19:09:00.006-04:00

So I was here with the intent on finally reflecting on Beth Moore's morning session talk at Passion. I re-watched the message a couple weeks ago and took down more notes. I was all prepared and then I went back to look at the notes I took at Passion and realized that we had a community group meeting that morning before the main session. It was some good stuff, so here it is. Beth Moore will be next.

We were split into smaller community groups to try and create a sense of community at Passion. I was in the Yellow community group which had about 1,000 people in it. But we all broke up into groups of about 6-8 people, got to know them and were able to talk and reflect as the weekend went on. It was a really great way to get to know people and I really enjoyed being able to talk things through and process it all with others who were hearing and experiencing all the same stuff.

That morning we talked about Philippians 2:1-11. Our community group leader was a guy, (I think his name was Aaron, but I don't remember) from New York City. He was really great and I really enjoyed the community group time.

So just a warning. This might be all over the place. I took notes, but I don't have it recorded or anything to re-live it and I don't remember everything. My notes are a little scattered, so sorry.

Okay, so Philippians 2. I'll type it out for you.

"If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, any comfort from his love, any fellowship with the spirit, and tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vein conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also the interests of others.

Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who being the very nature God did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death - even death on a cross!

Therefore, God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father."

I love these verses!

Aaron started off by talking about people who were being persecuted daily, something that I don't think we understand or have really experienced. At least I haven't. To the extent of people in the Bible or people in countries where worshiping God is illegal. Aaron, I think, started talking about people who meet in caves, or underground places. When they met, they knew that there was a good chance not all of them would be there the next time. It was that dangerous. And because of that, each time they met, they preached the gospel to each other.

In chapter 2 Paul turns to the Philippians and encourages them to advance the gospel.

It is hard for us to talk about identifying with Jesus in his humiliation. We don't get it in the same way he experienced it.

We are going to have to give up everything. Lay it all out there. For the sake of the gospel. You have to loose some things in order to gain some things. My life for your life.

Jesus humbled himself - became humiliated in order to become obedient to death. Even death on a cross. I find that I often don't associate being humble and humiliated in as close of context as they are. Jesus was humiliated in his death on the cross.

But Paul reminds the Philippians of the prize. "THEREFORE - God exalted him to the highest place..." Jesus is the prize. God's glory is the result. Humiliation had to happen in order for the resurrection to happen.

Do we understand the God-centeredness of Jesus?

If Jesus is truly God, how do we re-shape our lives? How does that change the way you live your life? What does that look like?

Is he real to you?

Jesus made himself nothing. He made himself a servant. Jesus is God (verse 6). YET willfully gave up all rights and privileges of being God. He subjected himself to the humiliation of death on a cross. He gave up everything.

In the church in Acts they were willing to give up everything for each other. In our society we think we have earned rights to certain things. We feel a sense of entitlement.

Am I willing to give that up?

Verse 9 is the prize. God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name. We are able to celebrate the resurrection of Jesus! But the resurrection isn't possible, if the humiliation didn't happen.

Sanctification (the process of becoming more like Christ) requires hardship.

********************

Looking back at this on Resurrection Sunday, I am yet again refreshed by the gospel. The message at the church I went to this morning was an excellent representation of the gospel. Here it is if you are interested. http://redemptionhill.com/easter-it-matters-part-1/ (just copy and paste, I couldn't figure out the link thing)

Heavy Heart

2011-04-15T20:30:00.002-04:00

Today I checked my email at school and sadly got this email from Crossroads, the church I love in Grand Rapids. The church I love.

"Dear Crossroads family,

It is 3:30 in the morning, and I never thought I would be in a situation where I would need to inform Crossroads that I have lost a best friend and Crossroads has lost a pastor. Derek Taatjes and his son Dylan went to be with Jesus tonight.

My heart is numb with shock and devastated. No words can describe the grief of my heart. This is only a fraction of what Charity is experiencing, and their daughters Ella and JoJo, along with Derek's parent's Doug and Linda, and sister, Hillary.

I praise God for this community, because I know we will be Christ to this family and to each other as we mourn together in the loss of our brother and son.

Let me end with one of Derek's favorite verses.

The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away;
may the name of the LORD be praised.²

Derek loved this verse. I know he would love for us to love this verse right now.

Your brother,

Rod"

My heart just sank. I got to know Derek pretty well during my last year at Calvin as he took over the college-aged group, which I was really involved in. I was just at his house a little over a month ago visiting with a dear friend who was babysitting. There was a fire in the house and it is believed that Derek and Dylan succumbed to the smoke and fumes. Charity and the girls were on vacation.

My mind goes in a million different directions. A broken heart. Rejoicing in Derek and Dylan's lives. Rejoicing in the fact that they are in heaven with Jesus. Questioning why. Just a sad and heavy heart. And then thinking about Charity, Derek's wife, and my mind cannot even begin to comprehend. Not even begin. Her husband. Her 6 month old son.

But like one of Derek's favorite verses - may the Lord be praised. God is and will bring great good from this. It doesn't make it easy. It doesn't make the pain go away. But the Lord's name will be praised. Derek touched SO many lives in his life. And I know he will continue to touch SO many in his death.

Sometimes death just puts a reality on life. We tend to get in the mindset that we're invincible. It makes you ask what you're living for and what will people say or remember about you. Do people really know you and what you think is important?

I'm having a hard time being in Virginia. My heart is just SO at Crossroads and leaving that church was the hardest part about leaving Michigan. I want to be there with my church family as they pull together and go through this tragedy as a church. I want to be there this Sunday as they have one big service all together. But the Lord has called me here. Sometimes, in moments like these, I don't know why. But I know he has. And I have to trust that.

Please pray. From so far away that is all I can do. And I have to remind myself that it is something. Praying isn't just the last resort. It is active and powerful. Please join me in prayer for Crossroads and the Taatjes family. Please. Please pray for Charity. For an incomprehensible, indescribable peace that could only come from the Father.

May the Lord be praised.

Fort Worth

2011-04-03T14:54:00.004-04:00

This weekend was Passion 2011 in Fort Worth. I prayed for them all weekend and from the blog update of pictures I saw, it seemed like they were having an amazing time. I just kept praying that God would work in the hearts and lives of everyone there, that they would experience the Lord like we did in Atlanta. It was so cool to feel like I was a part of the conference even though I wasn't there. We've all been praying for them since our conference ended. God is so good. I have a close friend that went, so I'm excited to hear how it went. And now I can finally take off this wristband that is falling apart :) Beth Moore talk update to come soon.

Louie Giglio - Opening Session

2011-03-27T15:16:00.006-04:00

After amazing worship led by David Crowder Band (I think, if I remember correctly) Louie Giglio, who although I don't personally know him, is one of my favorite people ever, shared a great message with us to kick off Passion 2011 Atlanta.

He opened by telling us it is possible to be free and fully alive. He gave us power, encouraging us that we can change the world. He showed us a Time magazine who named Mark Zuckerberg Person of the Year. Mark is only 26 years old and the creator of facebook. Facebook has changed our lives. It has changed the world. It changed the way we communicate, the way we relate to people and the vocabulary we choose. Most people know what it means when someone takes a picture and they say, "tag me!" Louie shared a little bit about Mark, that people have offered him a billion dollars for facebook and he won't sell it. Because he loves it. A BILLION dollars. The article stated that Mark lives in a rented house, doesn't have a tv, drives an acura, and couldn't care less about material things. On his facebook pages, one of his "likes" is - "eliminating desire, it is so easy to get caught up in the things that don't matter."

May our prayers be, "Jesus drown out the desire in my heart for anything that doesn't really matter."

Jesus is the greatest name in history. The greatest of the past, the greatest of the present and will be the greatest name forever. May we make our lives count for what counts. The thing that matters : to him who sits on the throne, and the lamb be blessing and honor, glory and power forever and ever. Thats it.

We have to eliminate worldly desires.

The date that night was 1.1.11. Louie talked about how it was a new start. A fresh beginning. One beginning, one birth, one start, something new. It is possible to be free and fully alive.

We then looked at the first word of Philippians 1:1.

*side note: when Louie said to turn to Philippians and that we would be diving into Philippians this weekend, I got super excited! Philippians has been a theme for me over the last two years. I really want to memorize the whole book of Philippians and have been working on it on and off for the last two years. I also did a bible study on Philippians last year and it is also what I dove into with my mentor my last semester at Calvin. I only have the first chapter of Philippians memorized and have wanted to work on it more, but it is so hard! I just want to really really memorize it. To where I don't even have to think about the words, they just roll off my tongue. And memorizing is hard work. I'm also someone who never makes new years resolutions. Cause I always think that it has to be something that I do everyday and I know that I can't commit to that, so I don't do anything. But...while at Passion, I decided it would be a good new years resolution to have the whole book of Philippians memorized by next year. Totally doable. So keep me accountable to that. Ask me how I'm doing. I'm currently not too much further. I need to work on it.

Okay, so Philippians 1:1 (sorry, this is going to be really really long. It's good information though, I promise!)The first word of Philippians is "Paul." At first I was confused. Louie was making such a big deal about the first word, and all it was was Paul. I knew it. I'd repeated it hundreds of times. But this is why we have teachers :) This greeting, which is typical in many letters, is actually not Paul just saying, "oh hi, I'm Paul." In that first word he announces that all things can be made new. He's saying, "I used to be Saul, but now I'm coming to you as Paul." Back a couple books in Acts, times were not so good for followers of Jesus.

In Acts, Stephen was filled with the Holy Spirit and proclaimed the name of Jesus. Stephen was a follower of Christ, filled with great faith and boldness. He was filled with the Holy Spirit, the last verse in Acts 6 even says that his face was like the face of an angel. The people of the law at that time hated Stephen. Acts 7:54 says, "when they heard this, they were furious and gnashed their teeth at him." So mad and furious their teeth were chattering. Acts 7 continues the story. Stephen pointed to heaven and said look - the heavens were opening. The men screamed and covered their ears. They took him and stoned him. Meanwhile, the crowd is laying down cloth for Saul to walk on. Stephen prayed that the Lord would receive his spirit. Acts 8:1 "And Saul was there, giving approval to his death." He approved of it! It had his "blessing." And now fast forward to Philippians and Paul (who was Saul) is writing to encourage the church.

God changed his name. God changed his identity. God opened his eyes, gave him a new passion, a new view of life, a new reason to live. He had a new beginning. In one word "Paul" - we get the gospel. God uses his enemies for the greatest things on Earth.

We were all enemies of God. He has reconciled us by Christ's physical body by death. It is because of His grace. God chooses to use his enemies. He wants to use us. He wants to restore our lives. He wants to be a part of eliminating desire in our lives. Jesus made peace for all of us.

Philippians 1:3-6 Paul prays for us. And he is confident that God is not going to quit on the work that he started in us. God is for us. God is committed to making me like Jesus. Jesus and the Holy Spirit are praying for us right now.

In verse 12 Paul says, "now I want you to know, brothers, that what has happened to me has really served to advance the gospel." What had happened?

Paul was arrested and had been put in jail. He was chained to someone. He was not in ideal circumstances. It cost Paul a lot to push for the name of Jesus. Paul is writing this letter to Philippi from jail, with Timothy. He was chained up. In jail. But here he is saying, "oh don't worry, its all good. The whole entire palace guard and everyone else knows the name of Jesus. They know that Christ is the one who changed my life." It's almost as if he's even saying, "we didn't know how we would reach all these people. We didn't know how to share the great news with everyone inside. Well now we have! Everyone inside the palace guard knows the name of Jesus and they know that it is because of him my life is changed." And most of those people probably initially knew Paul as Saul.

We, us, in our culture have become such complainers! Paul understood that circumstances do not have anything to do with our joy and freedom. Circumstances do not have power over us both being free in Christ and fully alive. God does not care about our circumstances - they do not limit Him.

Louie then shared a story of a young guy, John Evans, who had recently died of cancer. He was at Passion 2010; leaving during the breaks to go get treatments. At his funeral his friends and family couldn't stop talking about how much he loved the Lord. Reading from his journal and hearing what people had to say, showed the life he lived. Apparently, cancer can't keep you from being free and fully alive. We preach our own funerals - who we are and what we live for. People cannot say things at our funeral that are not true.

Either our circumstances rise up and chain us there, or we let Jesus set us free. God has a purpose and a plan.

Philippians 1:21 "For me to live is Christ and to die is gain." Paul is saying, "If I live - great! I'm gonna keep shouting the name of Jesus. If you kill me, and I die - great! That is great gain, I get the prize of going to be with Jesus!" Paul basically said, "You have no chains on me."

The opposite happens to us. We say that we're not going to be chained by anything. We're going to do our own thing. Nothing will chain us down. And we think that by doing our own thing we'll find freedom. But doing our own thing equals chains. All doing our own thing does is wrap a chain around our necks in about 5 seconds. Freedom comes from choosing the chain. The chain of Jesus sets us free. I want to choose for my life to be connected to Him. I choose Jesus. The second we choose to connect our lives to Jesus, we are instantly and forever free. We are free from everything the moment we choose to chain our lives to Jesus. You can choose to not chain your life to anything or anybody. Fine. But know that something is coming back at you and will grab a hold of you. There is no option in the middle. Either you choose it, or it will choose you.

Johnathan Edwards had made a New Years resolution - I will choose to live for God - it is a chain. When I choose that, I said no to every other chain.

This is similar to marriage. And why Louie joked it is so hard for guys to commit sometimes. Because saying yes to one girl, means saying no to every other girl in the world. And sometimes that is much harder.

The same goes for choosing a chain. Saying YES to Jesus, means you are saying NO to everything else this world has to offer.

Louie closed with two John Piper quotes,

"God is glorified best in me when I am satisfied most in him."

"The glory of God is man fully alive."

The Plan: to live to the FULL - being free.

When you say, "Yes" to Jesus, he can do everything. No matter what circumstance we are in.

Passion Atlanta 2011

2011-03-13T13:14:00.003-04:00

Okay, I'm doing it. After two months of wanting to, but not being sure I could make the commitment, I've just got to do it. I need to sit down and fully reflect on Passion and the amazing encounters with Jesus and Truth that I had. I'm sorry if it's boring, I hope it's not, but it is something that I need to do for me, and if I'm going to sit down and hash things out, I feel like I might as well put it somewhere that maybe someone else will learn from it too. So this is my commitment, that I am going to walk through Passion Atlanta 2011 for you. Talk by talk, session by session. It's going to take a while, there are going to be many posts, but I need to do it.

In our community group on the last day we were all talking about what we were going to say to people when they asked about how Passion was. It's something that you can't really describe. The answer: Jesus. That is what Passion was about, that is what I got out of it. Jesus. He was there. He was present. But to try and flesh that out...someone said that they calculated it out and said that it would take 4.3 billion words to describe the four days of Passion. I'm not gonna be able to do that. Someone else calculated it out that at the average rate of human speech (100wpm) it would take seven weeks to describe Passion 2011. And I'm someone who's long winded :) So we'll see where this goes, I'd love to just write about what each person shared, my experience walking though the weekend and what the Lord has been teaching me. It may take all year. But I really feel like it is something I need to do. So I am publicly stating that I'm going to reflect on Passion. Not that I haven't at all, but I want to make sure that I do it justice in my own walk with the Lord.

I just watched a video on a glimpse of Passion and it made me so excited about it again. I'm planning on re-watching all the talks and recapping them and reflecting on them when I'm done. We'll see how it goes. I hope you learn from it and aren't bored.

Jobs

2011-03-11T17:57:00.004-05:00

I didn't realize how far behind I was. I didn't update about the job situation. But I started the overnight job and it's going really well. And then I got the job at the school! So yay! And...here we go...

I just finished my first week of two jobs and I'm...tired. It's going to be a lot, it's gonna be crazy busy, but it's manageable. It's definitely a lot to take in, and will take some time getting used to, but I'm just gonna try to enjoy it. My big stretch is from Monday night to Thursday afternoon. I work around the clock. One job to the next with a thirty minute break to go back home and make my lunch for the next day.

It just seems like I can't have a schedule that is somewhere in the middle. I either have no plans, or am insanely busy. Nothing in between. Which honestly, can be quite frustrating. When I have nothing going on, I get nothing done. Which is so annoying. Like if I have one thing to do, but all the time in the world, it never gets done cause I can always do it later. But when I am insanely busy, I don't have time to get anything done! And my schedule just never seems to be somewhere in the middle.

I really like both jobs though and they're both too good to pass up. It's going to be a busy couple of months, but hopefully it will be great. A time to trust the Lord and rely on him for strength. This is the schedule and the jobs he has laid before me and I'm ready to embrace it. New places, new relationships and another opportunity to trust the Lord. May his will be done...

Weekend of Motherhood

2011-02-27T13:25:00.008-05:00

It's been a while since my weekend with the boys, but it was tons of fun! I did most of my updating through facebook, but here are some pictures. It was a great weekend, lots of fun and quality time with my amazing nephews :)

We lounged...

And Laughed...

Played "peek-a-boo"...

Went for a walk...

Went to the mall...

And wished Aunt Janelle a Happy Birthday!

Motherhood Trial?

2011-02-11T10:04:00.002-05:00

This weekend JJ and Katie are getting time away! Yay! Hopefully it will be a great time of relaxation and time with adults. The result of this: I get the boys! Yay!

Starting this afternoon I get a small taste of what this whole motherhood thing is like. I'm excited. Four days, just me and the boys!

I'm not sure how adventurous I'll be, but we'll see. I'm debating church on Sunday, it may depend on how Saturday night goes. Hudson is still waking up multiple times during the night (thats the only part I'm not looking forward to). But we may venture out to the Children's Museum or the mall, or maybe even the park, it's supposed to be nice this weekend.

But here goes a shot at being a stay at home mom! :) I'll try to keep you updated on our adventures.

The job search took a nice turn. I've had two interviews for two different jobs and am waiting to hear back from both. Both seemed like they liked me and gave the impression that I was at the top of their list. One job is staying overnight at someone's house with her daughter while she is on call as a nurse. (Getting paid to sleep, yes please!) The other is at the school I interviewed at a while ago. I didn't get the teaching job, but they are looking for an aide in a class and called me back. This could potentially be the most perfect two jobs, if I am offered both of them. Or, I could have to choose because of a half hour commute. One ends at 8am and the other starts at 8am, but they're 30 minutes away from each other. I'm going to ask about any flexibility in the times, but we'll have to see. I also haven't been offered either job, so it may not even be an issue. Please pray things end up working out, I really want a job! And if I could do both it would be perfect!

Crossroads, Stop Signs and Blinders

2011-01-30T13:04:00.002-05:00

I'm currently at a crossroads in life.

My path, my journey, the Lord, has led me here. Why? For what? What lies ahead?

I have absolutely no idea.

I'm here, standing at this point and there are thousands of roads surrounding me. There are so many choices, so many options, so many directions. I know that I am at a crossroads, but sometimes it feels like God has me at a huge stop sign and has put blinders on me. I don't even know where to begin because I can't see anything. I don't even really know what my options are. I have so many, yet I have none.

The job search is getting discouraging. The church search is overwhelming. I long for fellowship and community, but how do I meet new people?

I have thousands of thoughts running through my head. Sorry this is all over the place. I thought I was going to blog about churches. Maybe not.

I go back to my analogy of the road and I get frustrated with God. All I want is to do His will. All I want is to walk down His path. All I want is to make His name famous in the world. And I have NO idea what that is supposed to look like in my life right now. I'm blinded to everything. It's not like He's showed me three paths and I have to choose. I'm standing there, (*) stopped in my tracks and have no idea what lies ahead. Because I can't see anything, my first instinct is to feel abandoned by God, that because He is not showing me, He is not leading me. But that's a lie. I have to remind myself of the truth God proclaims. That He will never leave me or forsake me.

And when I turn it around, I am thankful for the blindness. Because if I saw a thousand roads in front of me, I would surely be overwhelmed. The Lord is protecting me.

I have to constantly remind myself of His truths. He is for me and not against me. He is with me. He has the best possible plan for my life. He will never leave my side. He knows what is ahead, and it is good. He is trustworthy.

And as I was sitting here typing, right when I got to the (*) that I put up there, was when my phone rang. A call from someone I had emailed about a babysitting job. Because the Lord is faithful. It definitely put things into perspective. I had set up to meet with the lady, but once I looked up where they live, it turns out it isn't going to work out. She just needed someone next week to walk her son to and from school, and they live too far away for it to be worthwhile. So I had to call back. Bummer. BUT... it was definitely a reminder of who is in control. The Lord knows my heart. He knows what is ahead, He knows where He wants me. And He WILL make it work out. May His will be done.

Job Update

2011-01-28T20:48:00.002-05:00

Well, I didn't get the job.

Kind of stinks cause I think that I would have really liked it, and I think it is something that I would have been really good at, but oh well. I'm not super bummed. The whole thing came out of nowhere, so I never really had my heart set on it or anything. I guess it's just not where the Lord wanted me, which I am so okay with.

Honestly, I don't even feel rejected. I know I didn't mess the "interview" up. I was qualified for the job. They didn't really have anything to base it off of, so, I'm fine.

And...the job hunt continues. I've applied for more teaching positions, both as the teacher and as an aide. I've also emailed tons of people about babysitting or nannying jobs in the area. I haven't heard back from anyone yet, so we'll see where things go. If you have any job ideas in the Richmond area, let me know.

I would love any prayers about this too. I just keep praying that the Lord would put me exactly where he wants me and with the people he wants me to be with. Still in a season of unknown, but really trying to embrace it. The Lord SO has a plan. And it's the BEST plan I could ever imagine! Heck yeah!

The Interview and Shoe Catastrophe

2011-01-27T10:45:00.001-05:00

(Janelle, this blog is for you.)

Okay. So this interview. Let me first start out by saying every single part of this job interview/process has been weird. Just weird. Not in a bad way. It's just been crazy. Like the ONLY way to explain it, is God. Like things have just come out of nowhere, been crazy, unconventional and just weird. And I really don't mean that in a negative way at all. I really think the Lord has just been blessing me a lot.

So I get a call on Tuesday and set up an interview for Thursday morning. Lisa and I were in the car, on our way to James' house in Georgia for the night. Then we were driving all day Wednesday. So I set up the interview, and I'm excited. Lisa was great and really excited with me! And then about 15 minutes later, I turn to her with the realization that I don't have ANY interview clothes to wear. All I had with me were jeans. Everything I own is in my grandma's basement in NJ, so when I got to Richmond, I still wouldn't have any more of my clothes. I had one pair of dress pants with all the stuff I had since Chicago, but when I packed for Lisa and my trip at the beach, I left them with the stuff that I gave my mom to take to NJ. I could always just go buy some clothes, which is what I figured I would do. But, when? James' school is in the middle of nowhere and we were going to be in the car, basically until my interview. Lovely. Lisa said that she had a pair of dress pants that I could try, but she thought they would be too big. We were going to figure it all out once we got to James' house.

At this point I was thinking that I would wake up early on Thursday and try to go to Target before my interview. But that seemed to be pushing it a little bit. What if I didn't find anything? I needed dress pants and a nice shirt. I thankfully had some shoes I could work with. Brown flats and black flats.

So we get to James' house and are hanging out. I found out that I didn't know I applied for this job, couldn't find any information online about the school, and decided I should figure out what I was going to wear. I tried Lisa's pants on. I needed a belt, but they pretty much fit. They were a little baggy, but that was the style of the pants. The problem though: they were REALLY long. I definitely couldn't wear my flats. Luckily, (or maybe not so luckily) Lisa had a bunch of dress shoes that we had been carting around in her car. They had just been in her car the whole trip. So we go out and get a pair of round toed boots with heels and a pair of pointed toed shoes that had like 3 inch heels. I went for the boots first. They weren't quite high enough, but I could make them work. I tried the other heels on and they looked a lot better. They were dressier and high enough for the pants.

Okay, so let me tell you. I DON'T wear heels. Like never. If I do, their the little half inch heels and I only wear them for whatever outing I'm going to, so only a couple hours. Stiletto's are NOT my thing.

So I put these shoes on and try to walk across the room. James and Lisa BUSTED out laughing! I looked like a fool. My ankles were shaking, my feet were slipping out of the shoes and I looked like I was walking with a stick up my butt. Seriously. They were laughing out loud at me. I told them I never wear heels. The shoes looked a lot better, but I was planning on going for the boots. I borrowed Lisa's pants, both pairs of shoes, a nice shirt and a cardigan. Still not sure what I was going to wear, but I had an option. (Thanks Lisa, you're the best!)

Okay so fast forward to Wednesday night. Lisa and I had just spent the day in the car and I arrived in Richmond right before dinner. I hadn't decided what I was going to wear. I could either go to Target that night, go the next morning, or wear Lisa's outfit. I was going to put on Lisa's outfit for Katie and see what she thought. If she thought it worked, I was just going to stick with it.

I put the outfit on with the boots and showed Katie. She said that it worked, but the other shoes would look better. I put them on and it definitely looked better. But again, that problem of 'I stink at wearing heels' came up. I also have a problem with dress shoes in general. My heels are really narrow, thanks to my dad's side of the family, and so shoes slip off the back of my feet really easily. Which makes me buy dress shoes in smaller sizes so my foot is more squished and my heel doesn't slip. (I know, this is one of many reason's I'm not a fan of dressing up) So Lisa and I have the same size feet, but these Stiletto's were definitely too big. But definitely made the outfit look more dressed up. And I wanted to dress to impress.

So I decide that I am going to stuff the front of the shoes with toilet paper to make them fit and just bite the bullet and wear them. They were going to look a lot better AND this was just an interview, right? All I had to do was walk from the car to the school and back. They weren't going to judge me on my high heel walking abilities, and they weren't going to see them either. (or so I thought)

I wore the shoes to the interview.

As I was walking out the door, for some reason, just felt like it was a bad decision. I went to get into the car and literally thought, "how the heck am I going to drive with these things on." I ended up making it to the school in one piece. Thankfully.

I made my trek into the school and got there in one piece. (Phew!) I checked in with the office, someone came and got me and walked me to where the principal was. I felt like a fool walking. Seriously. I do not look graceful in stilettos.

I talked with the principal and she told me all about the school. She didn't really ask me any questions. She said that they were going to give me a tour of the school, let me sit in on a class if I had time, and then we would talk again. Okay, cool. But...crap...a tour of the school? That requires walking. In heels. Arg.

So I walk with this guy all around the school praying that I don't trip and fall! I was walking SO slow cause the shoes were slipping off my feet and I was walking on my tippy-toes. The whole thing was just not a good combination. The more I walked, the more the toilet paper in the toe of my shoes was getting scrunched. So the more I walked, the bigger the shoes were getting. I seriously just kept praying I wouldn't fall over and make a fool out of myself!

After the tour, I went in and observed a class. For two and half hours! This was not your typical interview by any means. It was great to be in the class though, I really felt like I got a feel for the school and the students. I took my feet like half way out of my shoes while I was sitting in the class. And I have to admit, I may have also pulled the toilet paper out of the toe of the shoes, unscrunched it, and put it back. Yeah, that's embarrassing.

Someone came and got me, I met with the principal and a couple other people again and asked them a million questions about the school and the job. I kept waiting for them to interview ME and ask ME questions. It didn't happen. We talked for a while and they answered all my questions, and then I left. I safely made it to the car. (whew!)

As I drove home, I realized that this was the weirdest interview ever! Cause they didn't interview me. Like I said, this whole thing has just been WEIRD. I did really like the school though and I think I would like the job. It was a perfect first job.

I haven't heard from them yet, but I'm pretty sure I didn't get the job. No one has called me, but from my application online it looks like they hired someone else. Oh, well. I'm not crazy bummed about it. I definitely wanted the job, but it came out of nowhere and was just kind of crazy in and of itself, that I wasn't really ever completely "set" on getting it. The whole process was weird, and totally from the Lord. That's the only way I can explain it. But if he can plop an interview down in my lap like that once, He can do it again.

Lesson Learned: NEVER WEAR STILETTOS

Here is a little visual.

Joy's version of wearing heels (and sometimes even this is a sacrifice)

The kind of shoes I was wearing

...because God is THAT cool!

2011-01-15T14:44:00.001-05:00

So while I was on this crazy road trip, Lisa and I met TONS of new people. And when you meet someone new, they ask you your name and where you're from. Well, I know my name. But when it comes to where I am from, I'm never quite sure what to say. Do I say Charlottesville because that's where I grew up? I don't live there anymore and honestly, don't really have any consistent ties there either. I no longer consider it home. But, then if we're talking "where do you consider home?" thats a completely different question. The place I feel most at home: is actually Lake Champion. Kinda weird, but so true. Once I get on that property there is this huge sigh of relief that I'm home and where everything makes sense. But a camp? That's not really where I'm from. It's not even home, even though it feels like it. While I was at Calvin, I refused to say that I was from Michigan. I am NOT from Michigan. I love the people of Grand Rapids, but those are not my roots. Norfolk was starting to feel like home, but now there aren't any ties there anymore. My typical response became "Virginia." "Where are you from?" "I'm from Virginia." Virginia is home. I don't know where in Virginia, but I so love that state! Perfect weather, mountains, lakes and beaches; it's got it all. I love identifying myself with Virginia. But then people would say, "oh yeah, where in Virginia?" My quick and easy response, "I grew up in Charlottesville, but now my parents live in Norfolk." Once my parents moved to NYC I wasn't sure how to respond. I typically would either just say "Virginia" or, "I grew up in Charlottesville." And then if asked would explain that I went to school in Michigan, my parents moved twice while I was in college and are now living in NYC. Which would always get an interesting response.

But on this road trip, I had no idea how to respond. I was living no where. I was living wherever we were in our trip. I left Chicago on Dec. 10th and our road trip ended Jan. 12th. I lived out of a suitcase for a month, just traveling around. It was awesome! I loved it for sure, but never knew how to answer the many questions when you first meet someone. Like, "where are you from?" "So what are you up to now?" "So where do you live?" "what do you mean you don't live anywhere?" I think I told a couple people I was homeless. Granted, I'm not really, and I explained, but throughout the whole road trip, I had no idea what was going to happen, come Jan. 12th. I have been praying and praying about where God wants me. I want to be close to family, but thats just a preference. I just want to be where God wants me. I'm not tied down, I can go anywhere. It really doesn't matter to me. I had lots of offers, lots of options, and it basically came down to either NYC with my parents or Richmond with my brother, sister in law and two nephews. Both places I would be crashing on the couch. Originally I didn't think Richmond would be an option, but my brother offered before Christmas, so that was on the table now.

Leaving the beach with my family to start Lisa and my road trip, I had no idea where I was going to be. I had looked at nanny jobs in NYC and teaching jobs in Richmond. Had applied for a few jobs in Richmond and hadn't heard from any of them, but it was still the holiday season. I have been praying about this next season for probably close to a year. And it was kind of the thing that I was bringing to Passion to really pray about and hope that the Lord called me somewhere. I was continuing to make Richmond connections, as well as NYC and even new connections of places I could go. Like thinking about even Charlottesville, or helping out with Young Life in the Virgin Islands, or being near Janelle in Orlando. The possibilities are endless. I just want to be where God wants me.

I had talked to J.J. (my brother) about living with him and Katie. I was thinking that was where I wanted to be, but still didn't feel like I got a huge thumbs up from God. The craziest thing through all of this, over the past year, is that the Lord has poured out his peace on me like I've never experienced before. None of it has been stressful. I haven't been freaking out. I've actually been LOVING it! I love the idea of the unknown. I love knowing that the Lord knows exactly where he wants me and that his plan is by far the best plan I could ever imagine! I've been loving the adventure of not knowing, but knowing whatever it is, it will be amazing. A huge thing I learned at Passion, is that it really doesn't matter where I am. As long as I go there with the Gospel, God is going to use me. It doesn't matter where I am, as long as I have the right equipment.

So while we were in Orlando, JJ called and wanted to confirm that I would be living with them. I wasn't really ready to make the commitment to it, cause I still didn't know what the Lord was doing, but I knew they needed to know, and I felt like I needed to start walking in a direction. So I told them that was the plan, it could change, but that's what we were going to count on. I just said to the Lord, "okay, God, I'm going to start walking, I'm going to walk in this direction, please open and close the right doors." I didn't know what the Lord wanted me to do, and I don't think he calls us to wait around for a huge sign telling us which way to go. So I just started walking and left my hands open. We made a plan to go get my stuff in New Jersey and I was going to be crashing on the couch until I found a job, a car and a place to settle.

On Tuesday, as Lisa and I were in the car driving to Georgia I got a call from a number I didn't know. It was an 804 number, which is Richmond. I thought maybe this was a job prospect and answered. I was right. It was a principal and she wanted to interview me! I set up an interview for Thursday morning. Okay so a couple things. One, this job dropped out of nowhere! God is awesome. I applied to a ton of schools and positions, so didn't even know which one it was. I was going to have to do research once we got to James' house. Two, I have no idea what I was thinking in setting up an interview for 9am on Thursday morning. Lisa and I were planning on getting in late Wednesday night, so I wasn't going to have time to prepare much. I haven't done a lot of interviewing and I needed to do some research about the school. Oh yeah, and you know how I was living out of a suitcase for the last month? I did NOT have ANY interview clothes with me. All I had was jeans! Lisa said she had a pair of pants I could try, or maybe I was just gonna go shopping.

So that night at James' house I tried to research the school. The website had a letter from the principal for the 2004-2005 school year and the principal had changed since then. So I really didn't find anything out about the school. I did find out though that it was a Henrico County Public School and not a Richmond City Public School. So this was a HUGE shock to me, cause I didn't even know I applied for this job! It's kind of long and complicated, but I didn't finish the paperwork and so didn't know I applied for the job. Crazy! But seriously, it just makes me think about how COOL God is! I don't know what I'm doing, this interview comes out of nowhere, with great timing (I didn't even waste a day!) and I didn't even know I applied for the job! Talk about God plopping a huge plate right in front of me, spoon feeding me, and even chewing for me! Okay, weird analogy, but really, I didn't do ANYTHING!

The interview went well. I think. It's hard to know. It's kind of another whole story, and this is long, so that will have to come later. Moral of the story: God is awesome, totally in control, and knows what he's doing! :)

Pictures!

2011-01-14T19:30:00.018-05:00

Leaving the Outer Banks. Ready for an amazing road trip!

Lisa and Grandma

Walmart stop in Charlotte

Breakfast at Lisa's Grandparent's house

Matt ShorTT! Such a dear friend!

The first of MANY Chick-fil-a stops

We went to downtown Atlanta to watch the Peach Drop for New Years

Rachel and Laura - I did summer staff with these girls four years ago!

Love this picture, and LOVE these guys! Matt and Tucker

Kaitlyn, me and Lisa - dinner downtown before midnight

They were giving out free Coke!

Mini Intern Reunion! Love these folks :)

This is how we brought in the new year. We couldn't even move there were so many people. Like literally, could NOT move.

Yellow Community Group and Purple session schedule

Hanging out right after we registered

David Crowder Band Concert

Waffle House was a staple of the trip :)

LOVE HER!

Lisa and I up front for worship

We ran into JAMES!!! SO MUCH FUN!

Playing games while waiting in line to get into the arena

"Do Something Now"

Our room at Sharp Top

Laundry time

The Original Chick-fil-a!

The awesome basket Charlie's mom left on the bed for us :) such great hospitality!

Lisa, her sister and brother in law. The crazies who ran the marathon!

Sisters are the best!

So there are more pictures, but Lisa has them, once I get them I'll add them.

Best Road Trip Ever!

2011-01-14T14:40:00.004-05:00

Hanging out in Orlando continued to be so much fun! Lisa ran the marathon with her sister and FINISHED! Yay! They ran it in 4 hours and 26 minutes. (That is far too long to run if you ask me) But I keep hearing, that if you're gonna run a marathon, run Disney's cause there is lots of excitement and things to keep you entertained while dying. It was great to hang out with my sister, meet some more people in her life and stay with the Morgan's. They were fantastic!

We left Orlando and started our drive back to Virginia. We made a stop in Georgia and stayed with a friend, James. It was lots of fun. James was a summer staffer when Lisa and I were interns. He was our honorary waterfront person cause he was a landscaper, but always helping us out. We randomly ran into him at Passion (SO CRAZY) and he invited us to crash at his place on our way back to Virginia. We met tons of his friends, hung out and played lots of mafia. It was a blast.

The next morning we finally headed back home. Well, kind of home. I currently don't have a home and where I was going to be next was a bit up in the air. More to come on that later, but I was headed to Richmond for now. We made good time, sang lots of songs, had some great talks and finished up our road trip. Was it epic? ABSOLUTELY!

Lisa and I spent two weeks road tripping around the east coast and I wouldn't have wanted to do it with anyone else! I can't even explain how much fun it was! And thank the Lord, we didn't get sick of each other :) We managed to stay in 3 different states, 6 different locations, drove through 5 states, spent roughly 36 hours in the car together and managed to find 42 of the 50 states' license plates (we even got Alaska!). We rocked out to some amazing music, had great conversations, spent time with dear friends, made tons of new friends, learned together, worshiped together, laughed a lot and created unforgettable memories. It. Was. A. BLAST!

A photo montage will be up shortly, once I get the pictures up.

Road Trip Update

2011-01-09T23:22:00.004-05:00

Okay, so I've been horrible at blogging through this road trip. Once Passion hit, I got so overwhelmed and knew I wouldn't be able to keep up. We got like no sleep, so I definitely didn't have time to write and there is WAY too much to write about. BUT...I promise I'm going to come back to it. Way too much truth and way too many things to talk about and process through to not talk about it. But it may take a whole year to process through. I'm not even kidding, and I'm praying about actually doing that. We'll see.

So, we'll put Passion on hold. It was amazing. Phenomenal. Words can't describe. An encounter with Jesus.

After Passion, Lisa and I drove north to Sharptop Cove which is a Young Life camp. Her mom was working there for the staff training. It was my first time there, so I was excited to see another camp. We helped out in the bakery, hung out and caught up on some much needed sleep. It was a lot of fun. We played mafia both nights we were there with some of the area interns and it was a blast! I forgot how much I loved that game. I got to be the town mayor, which I love. It was fun meeting people, making Young Life connections and just hanging out at a Young Life camp. Oh how I love them.

Friday morning we left Georgia and drove down to Orlando. On the way we stopped at one of the first ever Chick-fil-a's which was awesome. It was called the Dwarf House. You could sit down and have someone come take your order. It was fun. We had time to kill on our drive, so took the time to go there. Loads of fun. We made another stop at Waffle House, which was the third time that week, but it's cheap and fast, so it works.

We got to Orlando and hung out with my sister for a bit. Then we headed to Charlie's house where we stayed the night. Charlie was another intern from Champion two summers ago, when Lisa and I met. We stayed the night at his parent's house, which was great. His mom was awesome. So hospitable. She left a basket on the bed with girly magazines, granola bars, chocolates and bottled water. It was great.

The next day we went out to lunch with some of Lisa's family and I met up with Janelle afterwards. It's been so fun to spend some sister time together! We've just been catching up, hanging out and seeing people. So fun. We had amazing homemade pizza and watched a movie with Emily and Chris (the family my sister lives with). So fun to finally meet them!

This morning we went to church, which was amazing. So fun to be back and see all of Janelle's (or JJ or Jage to the people here) friends. We then went out to lunch afterwards, hung out, went to a dollar movie, and then went to an engagement party! Janelle (a different Janelle, hence the nicknames) and Eric got engaged tonight and we all went to celebrate with them! So fun! Their families did such a great job honoring them, their relationship and the Lord. It was so fun to be there.

And thats a short version of the update. I'm having so much fun enjoying life and this season right now. A huge season of an unknown future, but absolutely LOVING it! I love not knowing. The Lord has a plan. And I am so confident in that! He has given me such peace. And I'm excited to see his plan unfold. It's the best plan ever! I'm just trusting the Lord, walking slowly and saying, "okay God, I think this is where I might be going. Stop me at any point. Open and close doors." And that's where I'm at. I'm slowly walking towards living in Richmond with my brother, sister in law and two nephews. That's the plan for now. It could very well change. It is so in his hands.

North Carolina

2011-01-01T12:46:00.004-05:00

Thursday morning Lisa and I left the Outer Banks and headed for Charlotte. We took back roads the whole way, which ended up being fine. We drove through some small towns, but other than that, things moved along quickly. It took us a little over 6 hours and we only stopped once for gas. My kind of road trip :)

We arrived in Charlotte and went to Lisa's aunt and uncles house. I got to meet them and her cousin and we hung out for a little bit. Then we went to her grandparents house where we stayed the night. Her grandparents are adorable and were so sweet and welcoming. We helped her grandma out with a couple odd jobs like setting up her wireless internet and printer and helping her move some clothes around. We had a great dinner, made a trip to walmart, and crashed for the night.

Friday we met up with Matt, Laura and Rachel to caravan to get Tucker and then head to Atlanta. On our way to meet them Lisa gave me a crash course in driving stick. I was scared. I only stalled when we were parking, so it wasn't as bad as it could have been.We drove to South Carolina, picked up Tucker and continued on to Atlanta!

We got here yesterday, checked into our hotel and went downtown for New Years. We went to the Peach Drop! It was fun. Crazy crowded, but it was fun.

Today we're off to go check in for registration and Passion starts tonight. I can't wait! I'm so super excited! I'll try to keep you updated!

Pictures are on Lisa's camera. I'll add some later.

Update

2010-12-30T21:58:00.002-05:00

Well I am finally an official COLLEGE GRADUATE! Kinda scary. Chicago semester finished off amazingly. Things slowed down with school at the end and I was able to really enjoy the city. I was glad to be done with the work, but sad to leave my students and the city. I definitely miss my kiddos!

My amazing dad road tripped out to come and get me. He's the best. We went from Chicago to NYC. One big city to the next. I was in the city for 5 days with my parents. Hanging out, experiencing the city and helping my mom out at work (she's a nanny).

After a few days in the big city, I went to Virginia for a reunion with some of my summer staffers from this past summer. We managed to get 7 out of the 11 of us there, which I thought was a pretty good turn out. We rented a little cottage in the middle of nowhere, hung out, played games, cooked food, went for a walk by the river, attempted to pet cows, and built the most amazing fort ever! It was a complete blast! I love all of them so much!

After the reunion I was off to Richmond. I hung out with my brother, Katie and the boys for the week leading up to Christmas. It was awesome. I was able to help Katie out with the boys, which meant I got to spend time with them, which is the best thing ever! I seriously love my nephews so much. Like words do not explain it. Every time I see them, I love them more. I can't even imagine what it is going to be like when I have my own kids. They are the cutest kids in the entire world. Being an aunt is so much fun!

We had Christmas with the whole gang in Richmond and that was great as always. The day after Christmas our family was off to the Outer Banks for our now annual week at the beach. We ended up driving through the terrible snow storm that came through. Well...actually, to be honest, it wasn't all that bad of a snow storm. But...since the entire state of Virginia does not own a single plow, we drove on the worst roads I've ever been on. Our 3 hour drive took 6. Boo :(

I spent like 4 days at the beach with my family just hanging out. It was great and relaxing. We went outlet shopping and I got some serious deals, which is always a plus. Wednesday evening I also ended up having two visitors! My best friend Nick came to visit. I hadn't seen him since last Thanksgiving! It was so great to see him and catch up. Lisa also came Wednesday night so we could leave early this morning. We all got to hang out, play pool, card games, bananagrams and just catch up. It was such a blast!

The first half of my month of adventures is over, and I'm moving on to the next page...which I'm super excited about! OUR EPIC ROAD TRIP! More to come...

Chicago

2010-12-05T20:49:00.010-05:00

Okay, so I've been absolutely horrible at blogging this semester. And so many fun things have happened. My Grand Rapids visit seems like forever ago.

Chicago has been amazing! Such an awesome experience, and I'm so glad I'm here. I wouldn't change any of it. The Lord has taught me so much, I've built relationships during my time here with both old and new friends, I've had tons of new experiences, most amazing, some I could have gone without :), I've lived in a big city, love public transportation and have really experienced Chicago. I love it!

The past 4 weeks have been amazing. Like, possibly life changing. I don't know, thats a pretty bold statement, but they've been incredible! Too much fun for someone to handle. I've had really high highs and really low lows. But all of it is awesome. The lows have been the Lord breaking me, which makes me more and more desperate for him, which turns into high highs. Amazing.

Here's a quote from my fabulous sister, so true and so real:

"Whenever God is about to bring you to a higher platform of spiritual life, you always first get thrown down. He makes you hungry before He feeds you; He strips you before He clothes you; He makes nothing of you before He makes something of you."

I've experienced this in the last month, but it's really been absolutely incredible!

I wasn't going to catch up right now, but I guess I will. Knowing me, I probably won't come back to it. Basically, I had four awesome weekends all in a row. It was so much fun! (granted, it was during the four weeks that I was teaching my unit to my students, so it did get stressful at times and I worked really hard all week long, but it was so worth it!)

It started with an awesome visit by Elizabeth and Abby! I love love love those girls so much! They came for the weekend and we had a blast! We did lots of fun touristy things and also just spent time together catching up. It was fantastic!

The next weekend I flew to Virginia. I got to see my brother and sister in law and my two absolutely adorable nephews! I then went to Harrisonburg and was planning on seeing one of my summer staff girls from this summer. Turns out, I got to see FOUR of them!!! Three of them came and surprised me! It was the BEST surprise EVER!

It's the only time I've been surprised by people and it was SO much fun! They came from across Virginia, Tennessee AND ARIZONA! Oh my goodness I love those girls so so much! It was awesome. We hung out and caught up, went out for dinner, bought bulk candy, I got to see Chocklett, which was awesome, and the next day we went up on a mountain and took pictures. It was so fantastic!

AND THEN...I went to the wedding, which was the point of my visit. One of my best friends from Summer Staff, Amy, got married! (To Nathan, who we met that month, who she went out on her first date with, when she came to my house for Thanksgiving. I love it!) The wedding was absolutely beautiful! I got to see some old friends, and Amy was the most gorgeous bride ever!

Which, granted, wasn't too hard because she's drop dead gorgeous all the time. The ceremony was the best one I think I've been to. Pete did such an amazing job honoring Amy and Nathan. He captured their personalities and the ways they love each other and others love being around them. It was beautiful.

The next weekend...I can't even explain. It was quite possibly the best weekend of my life. It was SO much fun! One of my dear dear friends Mike came to visit. I know Mike through young life. He was one of my summer staffers two years ago and we've just been in touch since then. He's one of my favorite people in the world. He came with his friend Matt who I hadn't met but had heard a lot about. Matt is fantastic. We instantly became friends. Mike's been sharing the gospel with Matt recently and there have been some amazing stories. God is at work and I LOVE seeing it! We had some great conversations and the whole weekend was such a blessing. We went to the skydeck, got Chicago deep dish pizza, saw the festival of lights, went to Blue Man Group and had WAY too much fun. Both of them are such dear friends. I could go on and on about the weekend. Just ask about it if you want to hear more.

Favorite Picture of the Weekend!

And then the next weekend was THANKSGIVING! I flew back to Virginia and got to spend time with my family. I got to see my sister, who I haven't seen since Christmas. It was FABULOUS to catch up with her! We were up until the wee hours of the morning chatting. So good. Plus, I got to see lots of family, eat delicious food and make gingerbread houses!

Overall, life has been awesome. Hard at times, but great none the less. Hard because everyone lives so far away :( The Lord has been teaching me and blessing me like crazy. I only have one week left in Chicago, and then I'm off for lots more adventures! I'll share about that later :)

Grand Rapids!

2010-10-17T17:39:00.006-04:00

Last weekend, I had the awesome opportunity to go up to Grand Rapids and visit my amazing friends! We didn't have school on Monday, so it was a long weekend for me. Actually getting there was quite an adventure with missed trains, cars not starting and errands to run, but I made it and it was a phenomenal weekend!

I got in late on Friday night and stayed at Abby's apartment. I woke up early and joined the divers for practice on Saturday. It was so good to see everyone and meet the new freshman. It was fun to get back on the boards again too :) I don't miss it like I miss vaulting, but it was definitely good to be back. I hadn't touched a board since Nationals in March, so it had been a while. But I can still do a front two and half pike, so I was okay with that, even though it wasn't that pretty.

I got to catch up a little bit with Sam, one of the divers after practice. I miss her so much! It was so good to just chat and hear about the team and everything.

I then went back to Abby's and Elizabeth came over. I essentially spent the whole weekend with the two of them and it was AMAZING! I love them so much and we had so much fun! It was great to catch up on the summer and life in general. Oh I miss them!

We packed some lunches and headed to Reeds Lake. It was the PERFECT weekend to go to Grand Rapids! It was truly a fall weekend! The weather was gorgeous! We sat out on a blanket and just chatted and ate lunch. Then, of course, we had to go to Jersey Junction to get some ice cream! Probably the low of the weekend was that they didn't have Chocolate Almond. My favorite. (but not too shabby of a low for the weekend)

We then went bargain shopping and got a couple things. It wasn't as successful as I was hoping, but it was fine. There aren't too many thrift shops around Chicago, so I miss them. We had some good finds though.

Then we headed back to Abby's for dinner and met up with our guy friends to play some games. It was good to see everyone! I miss those guys a lot.

Sunday morning we went to Crossroads. Oh my goodness I can't explain the love I have for the people there and that community. Such amazing worship and rich fellowship. It's sometimes painful how much I miss it. It was so good to be back. Yet it makes me want to go to Grand Rapids every weekend. I feel like Crossroads is the one thing that would ever keep me in Grand Rapids, but sometimes I think it would be worth it. Rod didn't preach, so that was unfortunate, but it was still a great sermon and so good to be back.

After church, we headed straight to an apple orchard and went apple picking! So much fun! We got there right as they opened, which was perfect timing.

We picked lots of apples and had to search for them. It was a bad crop this year, but it was fun to have to climb for them :) Then we got donuts, which is always a plus.
Love these girls!

We then headed to Chris' house and made apple crisp with our freshly picked apples. YUM! Zack and Tim came over too and we just chilled. We watched a movie and ate goodness. Sunday night we just hung out, tried to go bowling, but it didn't work out and then crashed. I was exhausted.

Monday I slept in, then went to Calvin's campus and had lunch with my old suite-mate. It was so good to catch up with her! I hung out at Calvin for a while and ran into a bunch of people, which was so fun! It was so weird being back there, yet it felt so normal.

Then I headed back to Chicago and got in around dinner time. It was a spectacular weekend, really, couldn't have gone better! The weather was absolutely amazing, I got to see my dear friends, and we had so much fun! Now, everyone has to come visit me... :)

Amazingness!

2010-09-30T21:49:00.002-04:00

Well, I just signed up for Passion 2011!!! I'm PUMPED!!! I'm gonna need to get a job cause I feel like I've been spending way too much money, I'm not sure how this road trip thing next semester is going to work out, but I'm excited none the less. Road Trip Epicness is actually happening!

My amazing friend Lisa, who was my partner in crime last summer (2009), has committed herself (for some crazy reason) to an almost two week road trip with me!!!! Oh my goodness it can't come fast enough! It's going to entail driving to Atlanta, being a part of the amazing Passion Conference (which I am CRAZY stoked about!) then heading to a young life camp to do workcrew for a few days, and then down to Orlando where I'm gonna watch Lisa run the Disney Marathon! And then we'll make our way back to Virginia. AHHH!! I can't wait! And I just bought my ticket...so it's actually happening!

My Constant

2010-09-27T20:11:00.003-04:00

So, recently I've realized, that I'm someone who hates to pass up an opportunity. I'm not tied down to anyone or anything enough to say no when an opportunity arises. I love the adventure of something new and when opportunities I like arrive, I tend to be a "go-getter." Leaving things behind and going into complete unknown places without anyone I know, is exciting. I like the thrill of it. I love thinking about meeting new people and hearing their stories, I love investing in relationships and going on adventures. Seizing an opportunity is basically how I ended up here. And interning at Champion. And going to Calvin. The last four years have been a result of jumping on board when God told me to go. Maybe it was even the fact that my parents moved. I didn't have the familiarity to go back to anyway. The Lord has been pushing me in new directions and has been filling me with his joy in these journeys. They've been hard, but so much fun!

There are many moments though, especially at the beginning of a new adventure, that I want to turn around and go back. The thrill and excitement start to fade as I settle in to a new place and realize that I am completely surrounded by unknowns. As fun as meeting new people is, it's a ton of work. And in this, I miss my friends. A lot. Just having someone know me like my friends do, not having to explain myself in certain situations. This hit me last weekend. I was just really missing people. It was like I wanted to "go back home," but I didn't know where home was. I wanted to be back at camp, but none of my friends are there anymore. I wanted to be back at Calvin, and granted most of my close friends are still around there, we've graduated, so things are different. And in all of this I realized that every single one of my close friendships is a long distance relationship. Every single one. And they always will be. That's what Young Life camp does to you. And going to school a million miles from what was once home. At camp you meet the most amazing people in the world, become great friends, and then they get spread all across the country. Or even world. Not gonna lie, it pretty much stinks. Everything is over the phone or computer. There's just this longing for that rich fellowship. I just miss them a lot. But God has been teaching me in these times.

It has been so great to realize that God is my constant. He is literally my only constant, but he is by far the best constant to have. As I move from place to place and have to start relationships all over, while still trying to keep the old ones too, my relationship with the Lord does not change. I don't have to start over. He doesn't live at camp and I had to say bye to him. He's been on all of my journey's with me. He knows the depths of my soul. He never leaves my side. He is my comfort and my source of strength. I couldn't do any of it without him. What a blessing that I don't have to! I never have to say bye to my best friend. How amazing.

Plus...having friends all over the country...means...ROAD TRIP! We'll see if it happens, but I'm hoping to spend a semester driving around visiting all of my dear dear friends, wherever they are. Epic road trip number one is already happening! Can't wait!

Chi-town

2010-09-26T15:27:00.003-04:00

Chicago has been so much fun! It's been really different than I thought it would be, but I'm definitely loving it. It's still taking some time getting used to everything and figuring out where things are, but for the most part, I'm catching the hang of it. I, for the most part, finally understand the transportation system. Today I actually changed my transportation route without having to look it up and I got home perfectly. I was proud of myself.

I am really enjoying student teaching as well. I like my teacher a lot and I love my students! They're adorable! It has been such a blessing being in first grade. The Lord absolutely knows what he is doing. First grade has a great team of teachers who work together and stay out of the schools drama. They have been really great. I'm starting to get more and more into taking over the class. I've taken on two subjects and this week will probably pick up a third. It's busy and a lot of work, but I'm enjoying it, so it makes it worth while.

I love the girls that I'm living with and I think I've found a church. Things are going really well and the Lord has been teaching me a lot. A lot about prayer and pursuing my relationship with him. I'll make that one another post. Just thought I would update, things are going great and I'm really enjoying it!

He is in control

2010-09-04T09:29:00.003-04:00

God keeps reminding me that He is the one in control and I'm just along for the ride. Which is actually a great reminder and makes life much more care-free. He knows what He's doing and wants the best for me, so I don't have to worry about any of it.

The Lord keeps changing things from the way that I think they will go. It's not even that I want them to go a certain way, or have an expectation of it, but it's just the way I pictured it. Or He shows me what my true purpose of being somewhere is when I thought it was something else. This happened a lot this summer. Sometimes things end up way better than I had pictured, and other times it's just really different and I have to change the way I think about it. It happened this summer with what I thought was going to be easy and what I thought was going to be a challenge. God flip flopped them and it threw me off for a little bit. But of course, in the end, I learned so much and everything turned out the way it was supposed to.

This has happened a couple times in Chicago. What it is going to be like, who I've become friends with, where I'm living...lots of things I thought would look like one thing, and then the Lord has just said, "nope, it's going to look like this instead." Well, I got to my school on Thursday morning and this happened yet again.

The school I'm student teaching at has been through a lot this summer. They just got a new principal, they've remodeled some stuff with the school, teachers have changed classrooms, and there seems to be a bit of relational drama in the school as a whole carried over from last year. So with everything being crazy, I'm pretty sure they completely forgot I was coming to student teach. I got there and found out that no one asked the teacher I was placed with if she wanted a student teacher. And she didn't. So the assistant principal walked over to a bunch of first grade teachers and asked if any of them wanted a student teacher. One said she did, so I'm now with a new teacher and in first grade instead of third.

I know that this is totally the Lord. I really really like my teacher a lot and the team of teachers in first grade are completely awesome, work really well together and are drama-free. So I'm so thankful for that. First graders are great. I really love them. They're so cute and really fun to teach. So I am excited.

But at the same time, this is not what I wanted, or why I thought I was coming to student teach in Chicago. I wanted to be in a 4th or 5th grade classroom because I wanted the experience with older students. I've already had 1st graders in one of my placements. One of the reasons I wanted to come to Chicago was so that I could get some experience dealing with rough situations that come up in an urban setting. I wanted to see how teachers dealt with behavior issues and I was hoping it would kind of give me more of a "backbone" when it comes to those situations. I think I want to teach special education in an urban high school, but the oldest grade I can teach for this semester is 5th, so that's why I wanted 4th or 5th. To get experience with behavior issues.

But obviously, that's not what God had in mind. So I'm not sure what He's doing, but I trust Him. I'll have so much experience with younger kids, it makes me wonder if that is where He's calling me instead. I have no idea. I feel like this has been happening with my thoughts about ministry as well. I keep saying that I hope to lead Young Life one day, but I honestly have no experience with High Schoolers. All the leadership positions the Lord has called me into has been leading other college students. I guess I'll just have to wait and see what the Lord has in store.

I'm excited about this semester though. I'm still not really sure why I'm here, but I'm enjoying it and definitely experiencing new things. I'm excited to meet my students and see what the first day of school looks like in a first grade classroom. Students show up on Tuesday!

Welcome to Chi-town!

2010-09-01T22:09:00.006-04:00

A camp post will be coming. One about the theme of lessons for the summer, but for now, we'll move on to my new chapter of life.

I got to spend a few days in Virginia with the absolute cutest nephews in the entire world! And then I was off to CHICAGO!

Love these little guys!

This is what you get when you say, "Jack, say 'cheese!'"

Of course Jack didn't like me the whole time I was there...until I was at the train station leaving...
I told him he better remember me at Thanksgiving :)

I took a 24 hour trip from Richmond to Chicago. It was a really long train ride, but I survived. I tried to pack as light as I possibly could. I was able to carry everything I brought for the semester. I have to say, I was quite impressed with myself. But just for the record, I would not recommend this. Even though everything fit into my bags, they were still extremely heavy. I had a carry-on sized suitcase on my back, a medium sized suitcase with my laptop bag on top and pillow on top of that in one hand, and a large suitcase that almost became the death of me in the other hand.

I thought I could check my bags once I got to D.C. Well apparently you can only check bags that weigh less than 50 lbs. Those are the bags I wouldn't have minded holding onto, I just wanted to get rid of the big bag. But, they wouldn't let me. So I had a three hour layover in D.C. and was sweating and in a lot of pain carrying around my suitcase, laptop bag and pillow. I'm gonna guess it was at least 150 pounds all together. Yeah, I wouldn't recommend it, but I survived. I ended up getting some lunch and camping out at a cafe, cooling down and catching up with a dear friend. The time flew by.

Now, I'm here and I'm alive! There were many times on the train and in my first two days of being here that I just look around and ask God, "what am I doing here? and how did I get here?" I'm living in Chicago. I've never been to Chicago before. I'm here, getting thrown into a brand new city, a big city, and am doing it with 60 other people, most of whom I don't know. Crazy. The first two days seemed like chaos. So much being thrown at me, so much going on with finding housing and roommates and stuff, it was pretty overwhelming. But at the same time, I had this peace. I know this is where I'm supposed to be. I don't know why I'm here, but I know this is right. So that is a good feeling.

We got all of our housing stuff figured out yesterday, and that was COMPLETELY by the grace of God. It all worked out perfectly. I'm living in a four bedroom apartment, yes, four bedroom, with three other girls. Yes, that means I have my own room! I've only had my own room for like 3 years of my life! I'm so excited! And this is so crazy because coming into it, I was planning on sharing a one bedroom apartment with two other girls. My living situation is super sweet! I'm so thankful it all worked out and the Lord totally gets all the glory!

I head to my school tomorrow to meet my teacher. Student's don't start until Tuesday, but I'm gonna be going in on Thursday and Friday, but I'm not really sure what its going to look like. I went to the school today, I didn't go inside, but I wanted to make sure I knew how to get there. Its a bit of a commute, but could be worse. I thought it was going to be an hour and half, which is what it said when I looked it up, but it should only be 45 to 50 minutes. I'm anxious to meet my teacher and I just keep praying things work out. I'm in a third grade classroom and am definitely excited to get started. I'll let you know how it goes!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LISA!

2010-08-27T14:21:00.005-04:00

Lisa is such a dear dear friend. She was my Partner In Crime last summer. She was the other waterfront intern and she is CRAZY! (Crazy? I was crazy once. They put me in a room. A rubber room. With rats. I hate rats. They drive me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once...) There is a voice that goes along with that one, but it is courtesy of Lisa :)

I went into last summer with lots of doubts and worries about working so closely with a girl all summer long. I was sure I was going to be completely sick of her. I actually started the summer with the mindset that I would try to hang out with Lisa as little as possible outside of our job. As long as we worked well together, I was fine with us not being friends outside of work.

Well the Lord blessed me abundantly with Lisa. She became such a dear friend. We spent SO much time together and I never got sick of her. I knew right from the beginning we would get along. We were already friends by our camping trip before the summer started. Anyone who knows Lisa, knows that one: she's Crazy! and two: she's so much fun to be around! We spent so much time together it was insane, and I loved every minute of it!

She brought such life and energy to the waterfront and our intern group. She loves adventure and is always up for a challenge. She's such a hard worker and loves serving people. She also has such a passion for our Savior. She is such an encouragement in finding the Lord all over the place and pointing Him out.

She is a woman of God who loves loving others and does such a good job of it. She constantly seeks to serve others and help out in any way possible. She is joyful and has such a positive attitude. I have been so blessed by our friendship and the way she takes the time to stay in touch. Lisa has continued to be such a great friend and I am so glad the Lord brought her into my life.

I love you Lisa! I hope you have a great day!

Summer came and went...

2010-08-26T14:37:00.003-04:00

Well, I essentially went the whole summer without blogging. I'm sorry. There is way too much to catch up on to even try to begin. I'll try to give an overview.

Looking back on it, my summer was beyond amazing. The Lord blew me away in so many different ways. I learned SO much. I met so many incredible people and the Lord blessed me daily.

I have to be honest and say that at times things were rough. Really hard. Right after first session left, I'd say I hit rock bottom of the summer. I was struggling a lot with relationships. Something for some reason, I wasn't expecting to struggle with. The things I was expecting to struggle with were easy and the things I thought would be easy were really hard. God reminded me daily that He is in control, not me.

But things turned around for sure. The Lord taught me so many valuable lessons through other people as well as in my quiet times. I'll try to blog about the over-arching theme for the summer later. I had three absolutely amazing sessions of summer staffers and I can honestly say, they had an immense impact on my summer. I approached them differently this summer and made an extra effort to invest in them, and the Lord blessed those relationships greatly. I miss them. A lot. Even just thinking about them makes my heart ache. Such amazing people, such sweet times.

My relationships with the interns grew significantly as well. I miss them dearly. They have a special place in my heart. They taught me so much, loved on me and challenged me. All of them in their own ways. I learned so much about myself this summer and how I approach friendships. So many amazing lessons for the summer.

I had an absolute blast this summer. It flew by. So fast. I miss everyone so much. My heart aches to be back there. But God has new plans for me. He blessed me immensely this summer and will continue to bless me. I am off to Chicago on Sunday for a semester of student teaching. Hopefully more summer blogs will be on their way. At least one for sure.

Camp

2010-06-21T20:44:00.003-04:00

The days of the week, dates, schedules, and time in the world disappear at camp. Everything becomes camp time, schedules and days of the week. I never know what the date is or what day of the week it is. My days are now numbered, day one, day two, day three, etc. up to day seven. Then repeat.

So much has happened since my last post. We went on some fun intern outings, went camping, had our intern training, worked for a couple more days and then summer hit! We're now half way through week two of camp and so far it has been AMAZING!!!

I love it here. I love my job, I love the people I work with, I love this camp, I love my summer staff, I love the campers. God is everywhere and constantly showering me with his love and blessings. I have already learned so much and I know I have so much more yet to learn.

I'm slowly building relationships with interns, which is always a process with some and I'm able to jump in with others. And God's already taught me a lot about myself in this area. I've had some great conversations with some unexpected people. Sometimes things are really challenging, and other times they are so sweet.

I love my summer staffers this session and am so excited about continuing to get to know them. They are all really hard workers and have awesome attitudes. They're just really awesome people too. I'm trying to soak up all the time I have with them while they're here.

The Lord has been at work in so many ways, I can't even begin to list them all. He's broken me some days, lifted me up others, but all of it is good. He is here at this camp and I love it. I am at home here. This is where I belong right now.

Photo Update

2010-06-01T15:12:00.008-04:00

Quick recap of the last week, which was crazy fast and so much going on!

First I graduated...

My parents came! yay!

And I graduated on their 28th anniversary!

Yay for friends!

Then I packed my life in Big Haus...

I do have to say, that I am quite proud of my packing abilities...

Then, off to Nationals! This was at the banquet the first night

After Nationals, I headed to PA to spend the night at Abby's house. So much fun!

Then drove to New Jersey and dropped everything off in my grandma's basement. My awesome cousin came and helped me!

Then I FINALLY headed to camp! The last 30 minutes of my drive I was going crazy. I was so excited!

I'm here now and loving it! We were supposed to go canoeing today, but it rained, so we went on a scavenger hunt around camp and the surrounding towns. Tons of fun. Now we're off to go camping. Hopefully the rain stays away.

The Big Dance

2010-05-28T00:14:00.002-04:00

Well it came and went.

Today was an absolute blast and I soaked up ever single second of it! God is so good and so gracious. Vaulting went well.

It was really hot out, which I'm not used to. Michigan has made me a complete wimp with the heat. Warm ups went well and then it was time to start!

My first goal for the meet was to clear opening height. I didn't want to get all the way to Nationals and no height (where you don't clear any bars). Opening was 11'5 which is the highest opening height I've ever come in at by far. I normally come in around 10'4ish, depending on the heights at the meet. But I knew I could clear 11'5, so just had to go for it. I missed on my first attempt, but made it on my second. Thank you Jesus! Goal one accomplished.

I was also having so much fun! I was soaking it all in and constantly reminding myself that I was having a blast. It was so awesome.

The bar then went up to 11'10. I missed my first and second attempts and that was scary. I knew I had more in me and I definitely didn't want to be done yet. I consciously gave it all I had and cleared it on my third attempt. Thank you Jesus! That one was seriously a miracle. And my coach told me that was the best jump I had today. It definitely felt good.

I took three jumps at 12'2 (which would have been a personal record) and didn't clear any of them. My second attempt was really close! I barely hit the bar, but it fell. And by my third attempt, my coach said I was just tired. I had taken so many jumps and with the heat, I just wasn't running as fast as I needed to. Close, but no cigar.

I'm happy with today though. I jumped well, it was the second best meet of my career, and I was really close to getting a personal best at Nationals. It would have been sweet to have actually done it, but I jumped well and am pleased. I also seriously had a blast. It was so much fun! I absolutely love pole vaulting and don't really have any intention of being completely done with it. I love it too much. I'll have to find a club team around somewhere or something. But I'm definitely happy with how things went today. It was a great way to end my collegiate career.

I ended up 16th, which I'm happy with. I moved up on the list, so that is good. Place doesn't matter a whole bunch to me, but I'm proud of that.

This has seriously totally been the Lord. My whole senior year. All my sports and everything. All completely the Lord. It is only by his talent that I am able to do anything and he absolutely gets all the glory. It is so not about me, it is all about him.

Just thinking about the miracles that happened this year...its insane. That is going to have to wait for another post. I need to get some sleep. Thank you so much for all your prayers! I'm really happy with how things turned out and I had so much fun! So much fun! To Him be the glory.

Nationals

2010-05-27T00:05:00.004-04:00

Lots to catch up on, but not much time to type. I need to get in bed.

The day has arrived. I am in Cleveland for Track Nationals. This is real. I am living a dream. There have been multiple times while I've been here that I just stop, and remind myself that I'm at Nationals. And I think of where the Lord has taken me, the journey I have been on for so long, and am so incredibly thankful. And humbled. It is so not because of me and He gets ALL the glory. This reality often seems surreal.

Tomorrow is the Big Dance. (well, today now that its super late). I'll be vaulting at 1:00pm on Thursday. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE be praying. That is seriously what I need. The times I've had people praying the hardest are the times I've competed the best. Because when it is the Holy Spirit doing the work, I am able to fade into the background. Pray for confidence and angels. Side note: My mom's taught me to pray for angels. I don't think many people pray for them, but she's taught me how. Every single night before bed while we were growing up she would pray for armies of angels to protect us. Angels got me over that 12'1 bar in order to get me here. I have no doubt in my mind about that. So yeah, pray for angels. Anyway, I covet your prayers. Please pray for physical strength as it is going to be a very hot day, and there is a chance of storms, so pray those away too.

It's been a long road and quite a journey, but I feel ready. I definitely have another meet left in me and am ready to bring it everything I've got. With confidence. Not in myself, but in the talent God has given me. He is the source and he is the recipient of all the glory. May his name be glorified through my performance tomorrow. I am here. And I am ready.

Random piece of information: I painted my fingernails black tonight for the first time in my life. It's a Calvin Nationals tradition. It feels really weird. I don't like it. But I'm all about tradition. Gotta take one for the team.

Oh, also...I am the first Calvin athlete competing in the meet, so I really want to set a good pace for the team. Please pray that this is encouraging and exciting for me and not an added pressure.

Turmoil

2010-05-22T23:21:00.003-04:00

The last 24 hours have been all over the place.

Today was graduation. Yay! It was fun. I guess. Long and boring, but a huge life milestone, so that was good and yes, that makes it exciting.

But all last night and all today I couldn't get pole vaulting out of my head. The unknown was killing me and I was having a really hard time with the extreme possibility of not going to Nationals. My head was in constant turmoil.

I've been through every situation and scenario in my head. I've also prayed like crazy. Definitely an opportunity to trust in the Lord and his will. So much easier said than done.

Tears have already been shed as I tried to envision this dream crashing before my eyes. It was so painful to imagine. Last night I cried out to the Lord and begged him to work out the details and for me to get to Nationals. I don't want Nationals to be an idol in my heart, and I truly do not think it is, but it is something I've wanted with such passion for so long. I just cried out to God that he would get me there. He was clearly the one who got me to Nationals for diving, I knew he could do it again. But at the same time, I knew I just needed to trust. Trust in his will and his planning. If he didn't want me at Nationals, I didn't want to go. And if he wanted me there, he would get me there. As hard as it was, I had to completely commit it into the Lord's hands.

Its been tough. I practiced today, just in case, and it went really well. It was a blast and my parents got to come watch me, so that made it extra special. But I just had fun and was doing my thing and it felt good. After practice, the Lord had given me this peace. I didn't know what was going to happen, but I had a peace about it. I knew that if I didn't make it to Nationals that I would cry, it would be extremely hard, I would have lots of questions, but ultimately it was what God wanted. I wouldn't understand, but it's not my job to understand, so I was going to have to deal with it. I also knew, that if I made it, this whole experience and turmoil was exactly what I needed to get my drive for vaulting back and I would be excited all over again.

So many questions, so few answers, and just a time of waiting.

I'm pretty impatient when it comes to waiting on things like this. I get antsy.

As my parents and I were driving home from dinner, we again talked about how God is completely in control and he knows what he is doing. My dad was reminding me that whether I go to Nationals or not, God gets all the glory, and the same amount of glory. He doesn't get more glory if I go. Or if I don't go. As long as his name is being glorified, that is all that matters. And that is so in the depths of my heart. It sometimes gets clouded by this world, but my true hearts desire is to bring God glory in everything that I do. It is so not about me, but ALL about him.

Well, the unofficial entries came out tonight. They are finalized tomorrow, but often times there aren't changes. They just leave a time for people to "challenge" the list. Not completely sure of the details of that, but it often doesn't change. And the results of those unofficial entries...

I'M IN!!!

Completely and totally by the grace of God. My height was the last one to make it and they took 20 female vaulters. God is so so so good! This was not something I did, it was something the Lord did. And because of the unexpected circumstances, I truly believe it screams Jesus' name even more! May his name be lifted higher.

Well I'm definitely SO EXCITED! This is all becoming a reality and I love it! This struggle and turmoil, as much as I hate to say it, was exactly what I needed if I was going to make it to Nationals. It was a strange answer to prayer. I had been struggling with my passion and excitement for vaulting. Being so close to not going, made me realize how bad I wanted it. My drive is back. Now I definitely didn't enjoy going through this, it was hard and I was desperate, but thats the best place to be right? But I'm glad it happened. God needed to break me, and I'd say I was pretty close to rock bottom. Utterly desperate. And thats when he picks us up.

Now I definitely understand that this is easy for me to say, since things turned out the way I had hoped. This entry would probably look a bit different if I had gotten cut. Different reactions and different emotions. But I know that I have learned a lot through this. Huge lessons in the last 24 hours. I know this is where I am supposed to be and I know God has a plan. This was what I needed. I now feel ready for Nationals. My excitement is back, my passion is back, my drive is back.

Please pray that I keep my head on straight. I've been a head case and getting really mental the last couple weeks. Please pray that away. That I would be confident and aggressive these next couple days of practice and then at the meet. It's so soon. Thursday I compete. That's only five days away! So crazy!

Thank you for all your prayers! Our God is so good.

So close.

2010-05-21T23:09:00.003-04:00

Latest update on vaulting...thought I would check the ranking list before bed. Not good news. Earlier today I was in a three way tie for 13th place. Now, I'm in a three way tie for 17th place. Not good.

The minimum field is 15, so they are required to take at least 15 vaulters. They typically take 18 or 19. Talk about being on the bubble. And they'll cut it off at a height, which effects the tie. There are only so many athletes that are invited to the meet, so it is always tight on numbers. But being in a three way tie, means either they take all three of us, or none of us. So if they're tight on numbers, most likely we'll get the boot. Or if someone hasn't turned in their entries from this weekend, and they have gone higher, I'm out.

This is pretty scary. I really don't want to see this dream crash and burn right in front of my face. I've wanted it for so long and am so close. So close.

I just have to keep praying that the Lord would be in control. May his will be done above all else. That is the true cry of my heart. But at the same time, this is something I've wanted for so long. It's seriously been a dream of mine. And the height above me, is one centimeter above me. One centimeter. I do not want to see this taken away by one centimeter.

Please pray God would work an amazing miracle somehow! He did it for diving, he can do it again. It is all completely in his hands and I have to rest in that. It doesn't make me want it any less, but it is comforting to know, that I will survive whatever happens and he will still be my King. Tears would be shed for sure though.

Reflecting on the past, enjoying the moment and preparing for the future.

2010-05-18T23:34:00.006-04:00

I am in such a strange season of life right now. So much transition; so many emotions. I'd say that I have three pretty huge things happening in my life in the matter of two weeks. Sometimes its overwhelming, sometimes exciting, sometimes sad, and everything in between.

Graduation is this weekend. Yay! (initially) but then it gets sad too. My parents are coming and I am super stoked to see them and hang out with them! I'm definitely excited to graduate. It's a huge milestone in my life and its been a really awesome journey. The Lord has taught me so much. I am definitely leaving Calvin a different person. So insane how much you can change in four years. I start to look back and it just gets crazy. Friendships that came and went, friendships that will last a lifetime, struggles, victories, teammates, meets, summers that changed me, deep conversations...I could go on forever. It's been good. I've been where God wanted me and I can say that with complete confidence. And I think Calvin has done a great job preparing me for the world. I'm excited to move on. Terrified at times, but excited none the less.

With the excitement of graduation comes the sorrows of lasts. I've already had a lot of lasts, some maybe I haven't completely processed through (like my diving career) but many hard lasts are yet to come. My last Crossroads service has been heavy on my heart. I do not want to say bye to that Sunday gathering. That place has become my family. My last community group. Those people have really become family. And even though we've only been meeting for a short period of time, I am definitely sad to have my last small group. Those girls are so awesome. I have to say bye to so many dear friends, Calvin and Grand Rapids. I'm normally pretty good with good-byes, but so many in such a short amount of time is hard. I don't want to say bye to my dear dear friends.

And here comes loop number one: Nationals. Track Nationals still isn't a guarantee, but it is looking pretty likely that I'll make it. Final results will come out this weekend and I have one more meet to try and get a little higher height. I want to stay dedicated, determined and passionate about vaulting all the way through my season. I have to stay focused. I don't want to get distracted by everything else around me. And I'm also really excited for this experience! Again, so many emotions. This has been a dream of mine for four years and it is so close to happening. The Lord's grace is abounding.

With the excitement and joys of vaulting and clearing 12 feet, I feel like I've hit a "funk." There is a small part of me that feels satisfied. I've wanted to be a 12 foot vaulter since my high school coach told me I could be, and I've finally done it. I feel accomplished. While that is a good thing, I've lost a little drive. A little bit of that competitive edge is gone and I desperately need it back. I need to find it before Thursdays meet and I really need to get things together before Nationals. My mental game for pole vaulting has been struggling.
I think a small part of the distraction comes with loop number two: Interning at Champion. I am so excited! Excited doesn't even describe it. My heart is dying to be there. I get really excited when I talk to a fellow intern or think about getting to camp and then my heart sinks as I know almost everyone is already at camp and I'm still two weeks away. Not only am I not there, but they're all there building awesome relationships with each other. I know I'm missing out.

But then I have to stop. And rewind. Back to reality. I am where God wants me and I want to embrace every moment of it. I am so excited for camp, but I don't want to miss what God has for me in these next two weeks because I'm looking so far ahead. But then its hard, cause at the same time, I want to make sure that I am ready for camp. I want to be prepared; mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically. I want to get there and be able to jump right in.

I'm going to have so much processing to do before then too though. I'm approaching the last days of my athletic career. (At least in college. I can't imagine really being completely done. We'll see where God takes it.)I don't want to jump from Nationals to camp and not process things through. And then all of a sudden half way through first session have it hit me that I'll never be competing on a college sports team again.

So many things to juggle and so many emotions. I want to be able to reflect on the past, enjoy the moment and prepare for the future. In each of these three major things. How do I do all of that at the same time? My head might explode. It's a good thing I serve a fierce and powerful God who can handle anything. I just have to keep reminding myself to hand it all over to him. He is in control and he knows my heart. He will walk me through.

Yay!

2010-05-06T23:34:00.003-04:00

I was going to blog this morning, and now I so wish I had. Today was the big day. Our MIAA Conference Championship meet was today and tomorrow. I don't have lots of time to write. I will hopefully reflect and put up pictures later, but...IT WENT REALLY WELL!!!

Our female vaulters took one, two, three and four! We swept the field and it was so great! I ended up clearing what I think I need to actually GO to Nationals! God is so good! It seriously was all because of him! I cleared 12'1 and it feels great. I've been wanting to clear 12 feet for four years and it finally happened! Jesus is seriously amazing. I never ever could have done it without him.

I had so many people for me as well. I never could have done it without my amazingly supportive teammates who where jumping and cheering with me. I couldn't have done it without my coach, even though he wasn't able to be there to see it, and I couldn't have done it without the Hope coach who told me I needed to push my standards back further. And she totally didn't need to do that for me. Calvin and Hope have a huge rivalry. I also couldn't have ever ever done it without my prayer warrior team! I text my mom, dad and sister at every meet and ask them to pray for me. If it wasn't for those prayers, I know I couldn't have done it. Lisa's prayers too. She got an extra text message to pray cause I was really needing it. Thanks to all of you! And I absolutely 100 percent couldn't have ever in a million years done it without my Savior. He changes my attitude, changes my heart and gives me angels to throw me over the bar. He is so good!

More to come later, I need to sleep. Big day full of cheering tomorrow!

Healing, Demons and Disabilities

2010-05-03T10:06:00.001-04:00

Okay, so I am currently leading this small group with church. It is me and a few other college girls and we started about a month and a half ago. It's been awesome. The girls are so great and I love them dearly. It's definitely a humbling experience as I have no idea what I'm doing, but I just keep praying and the Lord keeps showing up, so all is well. I have been so encouraged by the girls and their hearts for the Lord. It is seriously awesome. A couple weeks ago we got talking about reading the Bible which led into the girls wanting to make a commitment to be in the word everyday. They are so great. So we decided to go through the New Testament in 40 days. It's been great. Hard, but great. It definitely takes me a long time to read, but am plugging away and I've really been enjoying it. As I've been reading through the gospels all at once and all after each other, I've definitely been learning a lot.

One thing that has really stuck out to me is how often Jesus heals people. It is all over the gospels. And the healing that has had me thinking a lot lately is when Jesus would cast demons out of people.

There is part of me that thinks our science and technology of today has reasoned out the power of healing. I definitely believe in the power of healing. I don't know that I have ever personally witnessed it, or been healed myself, but I know it is possible. There are hundreds of stories of people being healed in todays age and I have a walking sister to prove it as well. But with our advancing science and technology, we seem to reason too quickly. Since it can be explained, we can treat it in a certain way and because of the norms God has put on this earth, we will get a certain result.

The people in Jesus' day didn't think this way. If you were sick you were sick, if you were born a certain way, you would stay that way. Of course unless you could get close enough to Jesus or even one of his disciples. Then you could be healed. And all over the gospels Jesus constantly turns people back to their faith. It is their faith that heals them. Has science taken over our need for faith? Do we reason past faith?

Sorry if this seems all over the place. There is cohesion in this blog somewhere. I'll try to find it.

As a special education major, I have had many conversations in classes about disabilities; how they come about; why people have them; how we are supposed to view them; etc. Now I don't have my opinion on this one completely fleshed out, but I believe that disabilities are a result of our fallen world. It is not because of the parents sins or anything like that, but because of sin, the condition, and because we live in a fallen world, things happen in the womb and as a result, some people have disabilities. Now I absolutely think these people are amazing gifts from God who have exceptional talents and are children of God, just like me. The way we utilize their gifts and abilities as well as care for their disabilities is for another whole blog. Not the point for right now.

Anyway, I distinctly remember having this conversation in one of my special education classes last year. One argument was that God intentionally created people with disabilities. That God purposed for them to have a brain dysfunction or a chromosome missing, or an extra chromosome. I don't know. Part of me isn't thoroughly convinced. Did God initially create us as sinners? Was that his originial intent? I think the answer is no. Which would then lead me to the conclusion that I am not even created as God had originally intended. His original intent was for us to be without sin. But that changed in the Garden. Which is why I would argue that disabilities are the result of a fallen world. People with diabilities are absolutely created in God's image, just like I am. They are to be loved and cared for with the utmost patience.

So then I think back to Jesus' approach. How am I to view people with diabilities? What did Jesus do? Well first off, Jesus loved them. He was drawn to them. But then the stickler...he also healed them. Does there need to be something "wrong" in order to be healed? Are we to heal people with disabilities as well?

I'm not convinced that all people with disabilities should be healed. There is so so so much that we learn from people with disabilities that I'm not sure we would learn otherwise. But at the same time, we are to be like Jesus, and God did give us the Holy Spirit and the ability to heal people. Even though it seems to be a rarity.

But at the same time we read a story in our class about a man with a disability. He and his mom were contstantly praying for healing. His church was praying for him and his pastor just kept telling him to have more faith. He needed more faith in order to be healed. To prove the faith he had in the Lord's healing, the man stopped taking his necessary medications becuase he believed God would heal him. He ended up dying as a result. So then what do you do with that?

As I've been reading the New Testament, when I come to a story of casting out demons, I wonder why this doesn't happen today? Have demons become extinct? I don't think so. The devil is still alive and still all over the place. Spriritual warfare is still prevelant. So then, my question is, what were these demons? Maybe our science and technology has labeled it something else. The convulsions that Jesus describes in demon possessed people, what were those? Would we label it epilepsey? or a brain dysfunction? Are we to be "casting out these demons?" Do we have an explanation, so don't feel the need to pray for healing? Do we just try to fix things with medicine or certain treatments? We look at someone who has Down Syndrome and explain it by an extra chromosome in every cell of their body. Would Jesus have looked at it differently? Did the people of that day look at it differently? Maybe we're too passive in accepting our scientific reasoning. Maybe we're not.

I don't know. This is just something that I've been thinking about. I've been wrestling with it in my head. I don't have the answers. Just lots of questions. I'd love any thoughts.

Heavy Heart

2010-04-03T16:37:00.002-04:00

This week was great. Better than expected. The Lord is so faithful and so good. I had a track meet today, but pole vaulting got canceled because of the rain. Lots more has been going on, but right now my heart is so heavy.

As I was leaving the track meet I checked my phone and had some text messages. I got news that one of my dear dear friends from this past summer just lost his younger brother in a car accident last night. My heart is so broken for him.

I can't even imagine.

I try to put myself in his shoes and I don't even know what I would do or what would be going through my head.

My heart aches for him.

I hate that I can't do anything. I wish I could fix it. I wish I could make it go away. I wish I could say something that would make him feel better. But I can't.

This is a time when I have nothing left but prayer. And I know that prayer is powerful. I have a quote on my desk that says, "Prayer is the most aggressive, pro-active, offensive, invasive action one can take in any situation...prayer reaches into the spiritual realm and accesses all the power of heaven for the circumstances of earth" - Jennifer Kennedy Dean. I absolutely know that it is true. Sometimes it is just hard to believe. I want to talk to my friend. I want to go see him. I want to DO something! I feel like sitting here, 1,000 miles away, and praying isn't doing anything. But at the same time, I know that is a complete lie. Prayer is probably the best thing for him and his family right now.

My heart is just so heavy right now.

It is literally breaking for him.

I feel like I've recently had a lot of people share bad news from their lives with me. Its hard. And selfishly there is a part of me too, that says, "okay, when's my turn? when is this going to happen to me and how am I going to deal with it?" I hope and pray so bad that it would force me to cling to the cross like I never have before, but man, that is so much easier said than done.

I just can't imagine the pain he is in and that breaks my heart. Such a dear dear friend. I don't want him to hurt. I didn't know his brother, I never met him or anything, but I can't imagine what my friend is going through. 16 year olds aren't supposed to die! Uh. I don't know. This sucks. My heart is so heavy for my friend. I just need to keep praying. That is all I can do.

Please please pray for my friend and his family. (I haven't really talked to him yet, so names may come later) Pray for amazing peace and for the Lord's name to be glorified through this whole situation. The Lord can bring good out of everything. I know that to be true. Even though this is a terrible situation.

Exhaustion

2010-03-28T21:12:00.005-04:00

Well I have a TON of catching up to do. Continued reflections of diving, Nationals, ending a career, and transitioning right into track and going on spring break are yet to come. Hopefully. If I can find the time.

Just wanted to check in and say that I am alive and well. We got back to GR at 7:30 this morning after a 20 hour bus ride. Lots of fun :) I'm exhausted, even after a five hour nap after church today, and extremely behind in school. Slightly overwhelmed, but it will all pan out. I'm also getting sick, so that doesn't help.

It is good to be back. I need routine. After being gone for two weeks, eating at restaurants, sharing beds, sleeping on couch cushions and being completely surrounded by people 24/7, it is good to be back to daily life. As much as I'm not ready for it, since it is still insanely busy, I like having a familiar routine.

I really need prayer this week. That I will keep my eyes focused on Jesus and not on the things of this world. I've been pretty apathetic due to exhaustion lately and feel pretty ready to throw in the towel. Which I don't want to do. Please pray for strength, energy and a positive attitude this week. I also need to remind myself to not follow my emotions, but the knowledge I have in the Lord. I need to continually repeat scripture to myself this week.

All done...

2010-03-18T18:43:00.005-04:00

Well, its over. I don't have time to write and will continue later, but wanted to just get a little bit out there. I definitely won the prize for out-funning everyone! I loved it! I had so so so much fun this afternoon! It was a truly amazing experience and I am so glad I was able to be a part of it. So glad the Lord brought me here.

My diving...started out great...didn't end well though. I had a really good warm up and start to the meet. I did really well in my first four dives. I nailed by front two and half pike which was awesome. I think it was the highest scoring single dive of the meet this morning, but I'm not positive on that. Things were going really well. I was in first after the second round and 2nd after the fourth round (so says my dad, I'm not sure if that was after my dive or the whole round.) But anyway, it was awesome.

I then bombed my next two dives, which was a bit unfortunate. By back had a good start, but I came out early and both feet were hanging off the board on my reverse. I did pretty well with what I had, but got docked a lot for it by the judges. My easy dives then went pretty well. The first two were great, last three not so hot. The other girls in the meet had really really awesome vols, so I just couldn't keep up.

I ended up in 19th place, which is totally fine. I don't care about my place at all. I was a little disappointed in my diving though. I have to be honest. It started out great, but had a bad finish. Not too much I can do about it now. I just wish I had done better. It wasn't my best meet by any means. I had so much fun today though and need to just focus on that. I've been thinking a lot about how disappointed I am and need to stop. I just know I am capable of doing better. I need to just think about my first four dives and then I feel better.

Anyway, I'll write more later but need to head back to the pool for the night session. Thank you so much for all your prayers. May the Lord's name be lifted higher!

Today is the Day

2010-03-18T09:32:00.005-04:00

It's here. The day has arrived. All of the long practices, the early mornings, long days, big meets, time and energy. It comes down to today. In some sense. Part of me says that I've done all of that for more than this, which is true. I've built relationships along the way, the Lord has taught me SO much through the process and I have found such joy in my diving. But all of it has lead me here. This meet doesn't define my diving career, but to me, it's the icing on the cake. This is the end, the finished product of seven years of hard work. I am where the Lord wants me and I find such amazing peace in that. This is where I am supposed to be. This is where he has called me.

Today, my goal is to win the prize for being the girl at the meet that has the most fun. I want to out-fun everyone :) I just want to go to the pool and enjoy myself. Find the Lord's joy in the small things. I want to consciously enjoy each dive, reminding myself that I am having fun. I have to make myself be light-hearted and care-free. When I get anxious and nervous, I don't dive well at all.

As I was writing in my prayer journal this morning there was kind of this juggle between trying not to care, but also truly caring. I have to not worry about place. It doesn't matter what I get ranked today. That is the world trying to define me. I want to go out there and dive my best. How other girls do in comparison to that, won't affect my joy or the Lord's glory. While not caring about the world's label put on me, I do want to dive well. Which is a good thing. I have invested a lot into this sport and if I were to not care at all how today went, it would mean its all been a waste. I have to treat today like a practice. Just me on the boards, doing my thing.

It usually takes me a couple dives to get into a meet and calm down. I get nervous and as much as I don't want to, what do you do when it happens? It takes a couple dives to have those nerves go away. My first couple dives are my best ones, which is a blessing and burden at the same time. It's good that even if I have a bad hurdle, I can do the dives well enough that I can make it work. It kind of stinks though cause I know that I can do them so much better. I am going to do everything possible today to be nerve free. It's just a practice.

The best news: my salvation is not determined by how well I dive today! Thank you Jesus! Man would that be nerve racking if it was. Once I get Kingdom focused, this measly national meet becomes nothing. Nothing can come close to comparison of sitting at the feet of Jesus. Today is just an opportunity. An opportunity to spend time with my savior, being utterly dependent on him for every ounce of energy, and every thought that crosses my mind. To him be the glory today. This is not about me. It is all about him!

I would love prayers today. Prayer for calm confidence and resting in his peace and joy. And that I'll dive well, to the best of my ability. I'll let you know how it goes!

If you want, you can watch it live online. Go to www.ncaa.com then click on the tab at the top that says "Championships." Scroll down and find Women's Swimming and Diving. Click on the "Championships Home Page" for Division III. Under the picture of the pool there is something that says, "watch live." Click on that and you should be good to go. I'll be diving during Session III at 1:00 this afternoon, but that is Central Time. So it would be 2:00 Eastern Time.

Day Two

2010-03-17T23:25:00.003-04:00

Well it's late and I don't really have time to write. Nothing too exciting happened today. Actually...that is totally not true. My dad came tonight! Yay!

We got on the boards and practiced this morning. Everything went fine. It was a really long day at the pool. Casey and I stayed and watched the boys three meter in between the swimming sessions. My back hurts from sitting in bleachers all day. But watching the boys definitely got me excited to dive tomorrow. The boys performance this afternoon was less than impressive. Most of the guys you could tell were getting really mental and thinking way too much. As a result, many didn't do as well as they could have. It was a great example for me to stop thinking and just have fun!

I'm definitely excited for tomorrow and just praying that I am able to keep my nerves under control and just enjoy diving in my last meet. I'll try to update tomorrow morning.

Day One

2010-03-16T23:08:00.008-04:00

Today I was able to wake up early and spend some solid time with the Lord. So what my soul needed. I just get overwhelmed by the Lord's greatness every time I think about being here. It is 100% because of him and I am so thankful to have this opportunity. It has already been a ton of fun!

We got up and went to breakfast as a team at a little bagel shop. It was good.

I was able to get on the boards today, which was great. I am someone who takes a while to adjust to other pools and boards, so having two days to practice before I compete is great. Today we just played around in the morning. Did easy dives, lots of jumps and standings. The diving well here has a really dark blue bottom, which is different from our light blue pool back home. It has taken me longer than I would have thought to get used to it. Spotting is a little different. When you see the dark blue you are actually seeing the bottom of the pool, whereas in our pool, since it is lighter and looks brighter, you end up seeing the water, not the bottom of the pool. So the spotting of my dives is a little different. Its just taking some time to get used to, but it hasn't been too bad. Practice as a whole went well this morning. Nothing spectacular, but just getting a feel for the new surroundings.

Casey and I then came back and chilled at our hotel for a little while. I was able to email some friends and just relax. We then went out to lunch with the team to Chipotle, which is always a good option. I ate my entire burrito, which was delicious.

We then came back to the hotel and chilled some more. Then Casey and I went back to the pool and got on the boards again, this time doing our harder dives. Things went well again. Still adjusting, but nothing terrible.

Being at the pool has definitely started to make this a reality. I still feel like competing is so far away since its not till Thursday, but everything is starting to set in. I've been still kind of feeling inadequate. I just feel like I'm not a good enough diver to be able to say that I competed at a National Championship. I'm just an ordinary girl. There's nothing spectacular or magical about me. I'm not really all that good of a diver. That's a pretty honest statement. I just keep thinking, "I'm not really that good." And I don't really think this is a super negative way either. I love diving, I've definitely improved a significant amount over the past two years, but I'm nothing special. I don't win meets or beat a lot of people I dive against. I don't have a bunch of medals (or even any for that matter) or honors in diving. I'm just your average girl who loves to dive and for some reason can rip the water pretty well.

But sometimes I have the flip side as well. As much as I hate comparison, it is hard to watch girls from other teams and not mentally think about if you can do the dive they just did better than that. The whole, "sizing up your competition" thing. I don't like doing it, and its not something I think about a lot, but there definitely are those passing thoughts. And honestly, after today, I know that if I dive to the best of my ability I can beat some people. This kind of encourages me for a second, but then things start to go downhill. I then start thinking about places and scoring points and getting to repeat my dives and wanting to do well and then I get nervous and try too hard and then I look like I've never dove before in my life. So it turns into bad thinking. I am here to have fun. I am here to embrace this opportunity. I will dive for the Lord's glory and his glory alone. I am here to learn what the Lord has to teach me.

After our second practice Casey and I grabbed some smoothies, which were excellent. Man, I love smoothies! And then headed back to our room.

Tonight we had the kick off banquet. Everyone got dressed up and we had a formal dinner with an Olympic swimmer as a speaker. The food was pretty good and it was fun to officially start things off. It is truly an honor to be here. I feel so unworthy. I am unworthy. The Lord gets ALL the glory. He got me here. I don't know how many times I've said that, but it is completely the truth. He got me here and he is going to walk me through this week. What a faithful Father I have. He is so worthy. I just have to trust in him. He knows the results, he knows what is going to happen. He has a plan. I'm just along for the ride :)

Oh yeah, and my dad gets here tomorrow!!! WHOO HOO!

And so it begins...

2010-03-15T23:05:00.003-04:00

Well it is late and I don't have a ton to say, but I'M HERE! This is so crazy! We had an easy and safe flight and all the luggage made it. Thank you Jesus! We are staying in a nice hotel right by the pool. We got here, grabbed some dinner and have just been laying low. Here are some pictures!

Waiting at the airport!

(This isn't all the girls, there are 8 of us)

Less than 24 hours

2010-03-14T23:28:00.003-04:00

Reality is setting in. I still can't believe it. The Lord is so amazing. I am pretty much done packing and finishing up the last minute details. I'm off to Minnesota tomorrow afternoon! It'll be my first time there too.

When I sit down and think about it, my mind just gets boggled with all that the Lord has done. I can't believe it. I can't believe he picked me. I can't believe the journey he sent me on. Struggles, trials, triumphs, joys, tears, heartaches, excitement. It's been a long road, but I couldn't ever imagine a better way to end it.

Thats another whole story too. The end of my journey. There will be much to reflect on that as the days continue. I'm sure I'll be doing a lot of blogging over the next week. Once I figure it all out I will post how you can keep up with Nationals if that is something you'd like to do. You will be able to watch it live online and see the results of how things are going. I dive on Thursday afternoon. I'll put the links and details up once I get them squared away.

I'm definitely excited and the anticipation is starting to build. Once we're off to the airport I know its going to really sink in. I just want to embrace this opportunity. This experience. I'm not looking at it as a meet or competition. It is a life experience and one that few people get to experience. It is all because of the Lord. I just can't take my eyes off of him. He got me to this place. That .25 or whatever it was at conference that qualified me in order to send in a tape, the whole process, the last 4 years, really 7 years... All of it screams out Jesus! He has given me this opportunity and I will not waste it. May I be completely filled with his joy this week; in constant communion with our Father.

My goal for the week: HAVE FUN! I don't care how I do. I would like to dive to the best of my ability, but if I bomb a couple dives, it's okay. I am completely content in getting 22nd. In fact, that is what I am expecting. Being the 22nd girl in the nation is fine by me. Anything above that would just be extra icing on the cake with all the glory pointing straight to Jesus. I am going to go there and take in the experience and have a blast with it!

I'll keep you updated on everything. Please pray for safe travels and no lost luggage!

Down to One

2010-03-08T19:51:00.004-05:00

Well I'm down to one sport. Okay completely honestly, not the sport I would choose, but I'm trying to not be a brat about it. I'm taking a little break from vaulting while I focus on diving at Nationals.

I am officially not going to Indoor Nationals. Pretty disappointed just because I really wanted to go, but it's okay. I still have Outdoor. The list came out today. Three and a half inches. I missed the cut by three and a half inches...again! Thats how much I missed it by last year for Outdoor. Arg!

But I'm enjoying being a one sport athlete for now. I'll have two weeks of it, so hopefully that will be nice. It's been a while since thats been the case. I keep having to remind myself that God is in control and he has a plan. I'm not the biggest fan of the plan, but have to keep telling myself to stop being a brat when I think about it that way. I get to go to Nationals and that is awesome. And I'm going to the Nationals meet God wants me at. And its going to be really fun and an amazing experience! I really am excited. Tired, but excited.

My emotions towards diving Nationals is a daily roller coaster (if you couldn't tell). On one hand this season has been so long! I just need a break from diving. I've been on the boards and in chlorine every single day since the middle of September. September! That was like 6 months ago! Thats a long time. And I've been doing the same 11 dives on one meter for the past two years. Everyday. The same dives. I just need a break. I'm sad about ending my diving career, but right now I need a break from it. Lately I've been getting to practice and just don't really want to be there. I'm out of energy.

But then at the same time, when I start talking with Aaron and Casey about Nationals and actually going and the whole experience I get really really excited! I often forget that this is a reality. That I'm really getting on a plane, going to Minnesota and competing at a National meet! That is so insane! I'm definitely excited, just struggling for the energy to get there. It's only a week away! I'm just excited to go and soak in the whole experience. This is where God wants me, so I just have to trust in his will and rest in his peace.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GILLIAN!

2010-03-07T11:18:00.006-05:00

I would say that Gillian has been an unexpected blessing in my life this year. She is a fantastic roommate and before this year, we really didn't know each other very well. This year I have so enjoyed getting to know her better and living with her.

Anyone who knows Gill knows that she is a servant. She loves serving people and she does it so well! She is constantly looking out for the needs of others which is such a blessing. She literally takes care of me. For real. I would definitely be stressed if I didn't have Gillian in my life. Almost daily she feeds me! What an awesome friend! I'll come home from being gone all day and get back late from practice and dinner will be on the table waiting for me! And this is another college girl who's got so much going on, yet takes the time to cook me meals and love on me. There are plenty of nights I would go without dinner if it weren't for her.

Even just the other day, my schedule was completely packed. I had practice till 6 and class at 6:30 so I was just planning on packing a dinner and eating it in class. Gillian didn't want me to have to eat another sandwich so offered to make me dinner and have it in a tupperware all ready for me so I could run home, grab it and leave! How AMAZING is that?! She is constantly serving me and has been such a blessing in my life. Oh yeah, and the best part...she's a really good cook! She's really a baker at heart and is amazing at that as well, but definitely cooks some amazing dinners.

There are countless times Gillian has gone grocery shopping for me or offered to help me out in any way to make my schedule a little less hectic. She has become such a dear dear friend.

Gillian is also hilarious. We have great laughs and enjoy sitting down for dinner and talking over our days. It is because of her that I, along with countless others, now have the word "scrumpins" in our everyday vocabulary. She has also introduced me to the emotion "muhrrr" which is just as it sounds. Through living with Gill my wardrobe has now doubled and we often pick out "professional outfits" for each other to wear.

It was amazing to have someone to partner with during the diving season. Gill is a swimmer and so we were able to share in the joys and pains of the season. It was great to hear the swimmer side of everything as well.

I can't even explain what a blessing Gillian has been in my life. She has become such a dear friend so fast. Her servant's heart, outgoing personality and willingness to listen has truly blessed me.

Have a HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY GILLIAN! Love you!

Continued theme of Trust

2010-03-06T12:37:00.003-05:00

Well last night was a bit of a dissapoint. Okay, well maybe a lot. I ended up vaulting terribly. I no-heighted, which means I didn't clear any bars. It stinks. It was a huge bummer. I haven't vaulted that bad in a long time, and to do it during my last chance to get to Nationals was hard.

I just have to keep reminding myself that the Lord is in control. He has a plan and he knows what he is doing. It's definitely not my plan, but His plans are so much better. I'm on my plan C, but I guess this is God's plan A. I qualified for Nationals in diving, so I can't complain at all. I just wanted it so bad! Uh. Oh well. I'm going to be the first height cut on the list most likely, which is just frustrating. So close, yet again. I just seem to always be 2-3 inches off getting to Nationals for vaulting.

But again, I have to keep reminding myself that God has a plan. I have to trust in his ways. Like I said before the meet, he knew what the results would be. He knew I was going to do terrible and I have to just be content with it. I can still bring the Lord glory through all of this. He can see the big picture. I don't understand and I don't see it, but the Lord is totally in control.

If you would like to pray for a huge miracle, pray that for some insane reason they decide to take more vaulters than normal. I think the official list comes out tomorrow. If they were to take my height it would be 19 girls total since some of us share a height. They only have to take 11, but last year took 16. So, yeah. It's not going to happen, I'm not getting my hopes up. But then again, God can do anything, right?

Well this is definitely a time for me to trust in the Lord and trust in his will and plans for my life. It's small steps, but sure is requiring my trust. And I do trust in him.

Trust in His will

2010-03-04T21:19:00.008-05:00

So the other day I was thinking and praying. This whole two sports thing is busy. I absolutely love it, I enjoy every minute of it, but it's busy. I haven't gotten a chance to really hang out with my friends in a while and my schedule is just so full. Student teaching all day. Diving practice. Track Practice. Dinner. Night event of some sort. Sleep and repeat. I have seriously been loving it though. Just hard to keep in touch with people. Anyway, I was thinking and praying about this whole waiting game. I knew I would find out this week about diving and I was talking to the Lord about it.

I definitely wanted to make it to Nationals, but I just didn't see it as a reality. There was part of me that was looking forward to finally being down to one sport. Diving season is so long and got lengthened by qualifying, and then the potentiality of it being even longer because of making it to Nationals. I was ready for things to slow down. But as I was praying about it, I really prayed that the Lord's will would be done. Whatever he wanted to have happen, I would be okay with it. I was perfectly content on not making it. In fact, I was expecting it.

But...God had different plans. As of today, I am going to Nationals for diving! AHH! It is so crazy. So many things sprinting through my head. I was shocked. Completely shocked. I wasn't expecting it at all. I felt like everything was against me with only doing one meter. I didn't think I really had a chance. But...God works miracles! I can't even explain how much this screams out God's Glory! It is only because of him that I made it and he gets all the glory and praise. I can say with confidence that I know it is the Lord's will that I made it to Nationals. It is because of him. 100%. And I have to trust in his will. This is where I am supposed to be.

I am really excited and just feel like this is a really big honor. Something I wouldn't have EVER dreamed up in a million years. Honestly, I'm feeling quite inadequate, but I know that's not of the Lord, so have to trust in him. Just thinking back on my diving journey, especially since high school, it is insane. I have learned so much and come so far. And honestly not because of anything that has to do with me. The Lord has revealed so much to me and he gets all the glory. I've also had awesome coaches and teammates. I can honestly say that if it wasn't for Aaron, I may have quit diving my freshman year. I tried, but he didn't let me. And I seriously owe SO much to Erica. If it wasn't for her, I for sure wouldn't still be diving. She was such an encouragement to me my sophomore and junior year. All of my teammates have had a tremendous impact on me as a diver. Each one over the course of the last four years. I've needed all of them.

At practice today, standing in our brand new state of the art Olympic sized pool, Casey and I were reminiscing about the good ol' freshman days. We had a tiny pool dungeon and 10 divers. I couldn't do half of the dives I do now and I hated three meter. Well, I do still hate three meter, but the fact that I don't do it anymore, doesn't make me hate diving. Man, it has been such a journey. But I would say that qualifying for Nationals my Senior year couldn't be a better ending. My goal is go to Nationals and HAVE FUN! I want to take in the whole experience and just enjoy it. I don't care how I do. If I'm last, I'm totally okay with that. I'll take being the 22nd best girl diver in the Nation at a division three school. That is fine by me. 22 is a great number anyway :) My parent's favorite. So, the season isn't over and my diving career isn't over, but it is headed in a great direction. I couldn't ask for more. May the Lord's name be glorified. It is all because of him. ALL of it.

Well tomorrow still brings an important day for me. Thank you to all of you who prayed about the Last Chance Meet. The coach okayed it and we're heading to Wisconsin tomorrow. This is my absolute final chance to qualify for Indoor Nationals. I'm really excited about getting another opportunity to vault and have left the results in the Lord's hands. He knows what tomorrow brings. He is the one who will bring tomorrow. I just have to trust in him. I want to have fun and vault like I know how. I'm not going to allow negative thoughts to enter my mind. I have to keep telling myself that. I need to vault with confidence and no matter what the results I will choose joy. No matter what happens tomorrow the Lord's name will be blessed. It is for him and his glory that I do this. I mean that from the bottom of my heart. May his name be lifted higher and higher. Please pray for me tomorrow! Pray for safe travels (we'll be driving back late at night) and good performances for everyone going! There are 7 of us competing and one coach going. Thankfully, it's my coach. Mike is awesome. Please pray for my heart. That I would long for Jesus more than qualifying. The results are in his hands. Thank you Jesus!

Peace in the midst of Chaos

2010-02-27T22:19:00.003-05:00

This past week was crazy. Now I am typically a very busy person, but this week, was insane. The past three days I've only been at my apartment to sleep, and now that I think about it, that was the case for almost every day this week, with the exceptions of a few dinners here.

I started student teaching this week! It has been a ton of fun. I am student teaching with the Ready for Life Academy which actually meets on Calvin's campus. It is awesome. Ready for Life (RFL) is a transitional program for college age students with disabilities. I am only one week in, but I am really enjoying it. It is definitely different from a typical classroom setting, but I know I will learn a lot and I have already loved getting to know the students. It has been really fun, but is certainly time consuming. Adding in full time work to the two sports schedule has been interesting.

The Lord has continued to teach me in this "waiting season." I trust him and I trust his will. I am also ready for it to be over. Just sitting in the unknown is hard. I will find out on Thursday or Friday about diving, and I'm not sure when about track. (more details on track to come)Now that I think of it, maybe it is a huge blessing that I've been so busy. It has definitely made the waiting more bearable. I'm so busy I don't have time to think about it.

I won't bore you with the schedule of my week, but I had student teaching, practice and a night event every day this week. The past three days have been especially crazy. Thursday I left my apartment at 5:50am and got back a little after 8:30pm. Friday I left at 5:30am and got back around 9:30pm. Today I left at 6:40am and got back at 9:30pm. Thursday was full of three practices, student teaching and a scholarship dinner to raise money for Ready for Life (where I'm student teaching). Friday I went to Chicago for the day to do a Chicago Semester Visit. I'm planning on doing my elementary student teaching in Chicago next semester. It was really fun, but an extremely long day. We visited some schools and talked about the program. We then drove back in a blizzard, which is always fun when your extremely tired and have a track meet the next day. Today was the track meet.

It went well. Not spectacular, but I was happy. I had a TON of fun! So that is always good. I felt great and was jumping well. I put the bar at 12 feet, 1 and 1/2 inches and was SO close to clearing it! I had the height, but didn't turn and knocked the bar down with my shoulder. (bad form) But I jumped well and got on a bigger pole, which is always a good thing in vaulting, so that was great. It's not what I was hoping for, but I definitely can't complain. I absolutely love pole vaulting! I can't even explain it. I had so much fun today! It didn't go as planned, but I just have to trust the Lord and his will. Pray that my coach will let me go to a last chance meet next weekend! It would give me one more shot to get to Nationals, and I know I can do it! But he's not sure he wants us going.

Through all of this chaos the Lord has been with me. He has walked every step by my side and I am so grateful for that. Last Sunday I was really overwhelmed with what this week looked like, but I got through it and actually had a blast. The Lord has been teaching me to choose joy throughout my day. Yes it is a lot, and yes there is always more, but I am learning to enjoy and love what I am doing at that moment. And I can only say that because of the Lord. It is his strength and peace that get me through. He is my comfort and source of refuge. He is my peace amongst chaos. And honestly, I am able to be saying all of this, not only through my prayers, but mainly because of my mother's prayers. Mom's prayers are amazing and so powerful! Moms - pray for your kids! It will change their lives. Thanks mom for your continued prayers and the way you allow the Holy Spirit to work! Love you!

No matter what the circumstances...

2010-02-20T16:04:00.004-05:00

The Lord just keeps teaching me new things through my sports. That's where he really gets me. He gets my attention there and when I'm diving or pole vaulting, that is where I feel the Lord's presence. I do in other areas of my life as well, but when I'm doing sports, I'm worshiping. I am so thankful that the Lord has brought me on this journey. Doing sports as worship was something that people around me would just talk about. They would say it could be done and leave it at that. No one ever seemed to dive into, "what does that look like?" The Lord continues to teach me and grow me through sports. I love them! I really really do. If you couldn't tell. I find so much joy in diving and pole vaulting!

Over the last week there are quite a few things God has taught me or revealed to me through sports. The first is: that I'm really bad at being patient. Okay, I already knew that, but this whole waiting game thing for diving and being so close in pole vaulting has been really hard. And it all comes back to trust. Do I really trust that God knows what he's doing? Do I really trust that his will will be done? Do I really trust that he is in control? Well of course I do. I know it, but I don't always have my eyes set on him. I just have to trust. I have to believe that he knows the outcome and it is part of his plan. My job is to trust.

This is going to be a huge thing for me this week and next weekend. Next Saturday I have my last opportunity to improve my spot on the Nationals list. I'm gonna need to clear at least 12 feet. Which I can do. I know I can do it. I've done it in practice, I just have to make it work in the meet. But since I only have one opportunity left, my head freaks out and makes a huge deal out it. I get stressed and anxious. I want it so bad! But then I have to remember to trust. The Lord knows how bad I want it and he knows what the outcome is. When I get this perspective, I can vault because I love it; because I'm having fun. It takes away the stress of trying to qualify when I know that the Lord knows what is going to happen and he is in control. If he doesn't want me to make, then I absolutely don't want to. He knows what he is doing and he has such a huge understanding, while my understanding is so small. He is in control and through knowing that, I can rest in peace. I do not have to be anxious or stressed. I can be patient and wait upon the Lord.

The other thing that the Lord has been teaching me that I was able to apply to vaulting yesterday was worshiping the Lord and blessing his name in all circumstances. Earlier this week I was told a story where a couple in a time of crisis with an unborn baby didn't sit and pray for healing, but prayed for the Lord's will. The wife prayed, "Lord no matter what happens in this situation, I will bless your name." Now that is that attitude we need. I've also been digging into Philippians with my mentor just a little bit and Paul just keeps coming back to the theme of rejoicing in the Lord and giving him praise no matter what the circumstances are! This theme keeps coming up in my life. No matter what happens, no matter what the situation is, I will glorify the Lord and bless his name. Okay, so I know this is a petty example and definitely not the same as losing a baby or being beaten and thrown into prison, but I was able to pray this yesterday when I vaulted. Bad comparison, I know. I just want to go to Nationals so bad and everything was looking really good yesterday. I was jumping at a good height, had a great warm up, I was ready. But I had to pray before the meet started that no matter what happened, no matter what the outcome of the meet was, I was going to bless the Lord's name.

The meet didn't go quite as hoped. I cleared 11'8, but not 12'1 like I was hoping. It was a little disappointing, but at the same time, I have nothing to complain about. I vaulted well and had some good attempts at 12'1. It just didn't all come together. But the Lord still gets the glory! It is still through him and his strength that I am able to pole vault. I will still bless his name! He is still my king and my savior, so I have nothing to be disappointed in! He knows what this next week will bring, and no matter what happens, I will still bless his name.

Recap

2010-02-19T20:36:00.007-05:00

Well, it's taken longer than I hoped to get back to my writing. It's been busy. I can't believe it's only been a week since Conference for diving. So much has happened.

So...I'll back up for you for a second. Friday, Conference, things went well. Not quite the dives I was hoping for, but by the Lord's grace, I snuck in to a second Nationals qualification. I was really happy. As the meet was over I just couldn't stop thinking about how amazing our God is. He wanted me to be able to send in a tape. Hands down. There are no other explanations. He is so good and so worthy of our praise! .2 is nothing. It literally was a miracle.

As I was marveling at the Lord's kindness, I was also getting excited for Saturday. Saturday I was going to pole vault at another indoor track meet. I need to get a higher height in order to actually go to Nationals, so was looking forward to doing that. But, back to Friday, after I was done diving in the morning, I ended up going to pole vault practice, since I was going to be vaulting the next day. Diving was done since I couldn't come back at night, so was transitioning over to vaulting. I went to practice and things went well. I was a little tired, understandably so, but pushed through and had a decent practice. I went straight from track practice back to the pool to cheer for the night session. And then this is what happened...

I'm sitting at the diving table, with the computers and everything for the scoring talking to Al, when Joe walks up. Joe is one of my favorite people ever. He's a diving coach (well...we all joke that he's "just and EX-high school coach"... which he is, but he's a really really good coach who knows a TON about diving) and he comes and helps us out a lot. We met him while we had to practice at the high school while our amazing pool was being built the last two years. Anyway, he's awesome and we get along really well. He's always causing trouble...one of those... :) Well, when Joe found out that I wasn't scoring points for the team, lets just say he was less than thrilled... So back to the story...he walks up to me and says, "do you have your suit here?" I said, "Joe, I'm not diving." Again, he asks, "do you have your suit here?" I asked why and told him again that I wasn't diving. A third time, he asked if I had my suit. I looked at him like he was crazy and said "yeah."

I was really confused, but, whatever. Joe is crazy. So as I'm talking to Al I see Joe walking around and talking to all the diving coaches of the other teams there. He was up to something, I knew it. Joe is always up to something. So I start to get the idea that Joe wants to make something work so that I can dive at night. I REALLY didn't want to. I walked into the locker room and just started to pray. I was tired, I had just pole vaulted after diving all morning, and had COMPLETELY checked out of the meet mentally. I whinned to God for a little bit telling him how I didn't want to dive, and then got over myself and just said, "ok Lord, if you really want me to dive tonight, I will." Yeah...you say that, and then 3 seconds later you eat your words.

So I come out of the locker room and my coach Aaron is there. He says, "you need to go talk to Joe." So I find Joe and he sits me down. He tells me that he's talked to all of the diving coaches and all of them have agreed. If I want to, I can dive tonight, as a ninth diver, still not counting for points, but as an opportunity to try and qualify for Nationals again and get a better meet tape. He said it was totally up to me. He didn't care either way. They had to run it by the Conference Committee, but they didn't want to ask them if it was okay if I didn't want to do it. Now, I really really did not want to dive. Did I mention that? But at the same time, I knew I would be crazy to pass up an opportunity. Especially one that caught me off guard (which means I didn't have time to freak out about my dives) and one that completely didn't matter. How I dove that night, didn't matter at all. I had already gotten my two qualifying scores and I wasn't counting for points. So I said I would do it.

The committee voted and unanimously decided to let me dive again that night. Which was really awesome, because like I had said earlier, that was the real reason I was sad I didn't count for points. I now had that opportunity back.

Oh yeah, and all this happened in about 3 minutes, while all the girl divers were warming up. Turns out we didn't need to warm up that early cause swimming took forever, but it was fine. It was just hard because we kept warming up thinking we were up soon. Warming up so many times was just draining my energy. I had already been diving all morning and then went to track and was now diving again. It was all too crazy.

Well, I dive a lot better without any pressure or expectations, so that was good. I was able to improve my score from the morning by a couple points, and I ended up qualifying again! So it was a successful night. And the Lord gets all the glory! I am so blessed to have people looking out for me and so willing to make things work for my benefit. It really is a huge blessing.

So after a very exhausting day, I came home and blogged for a little bit, but wasn't able to get all of that down before. So there was my Friday last week.

Saturday I vaulted. I was feeling pretty good, definitely tired, but really wanted to jump well. It was a really really big meet that we were at and there were 36 girl vaulters. Thats a lot. That is a lot of people to have warm up and vault. It takes a really long time. Because there were so many girls, and because I skipped the first couple heights (you can decide when you want to come in) I had a while to wait. The whole waiting game is hard. Again, like the night before, I kept having to warm up. Once I started vaulting, there were many times that I had 30-40 minutes in between my jumps. That meant that I had to sit down and wait, and then warm up again. Every time I warmed up I just kept getting nervous about the amount of energy I was using. I just knew I didn't have a lot. My whole body hurt. And I was beyond exhaustion. Needless to say, the meet didn't go as well as I had hoped. I cleared 11'4, which isn't terrible, but didn't get 11'10 like I had the meet before and didn't even have the opportunity to jump at 12'4 which is what I was hoping to clear. My last three vaults I literally had to tell myself to put every ounce of energy I had into it. I had nothing left. I actually ended up calling my mom on my drive back because I didn't want to fall asleep, and this was like 4 in the afternoon. My body had just had enough.

So I then headed back to the pool to cheer for the final night session. Conference is such a long meet! Well... the Lady Knights came out victorious! We got first for the 6th year in a row! We're trying to break the record for consecutive wins...our rivals have it at 10...so we're working towards at least 11. Hopefully we'll see that day come in the future. It is exciting to be on such a good team. I don't know what it is like to not win Conference. Actually in either sport. It was a fun and good meet, but too long if you ask me. I was utterly exhausted by the end.

Sorry for my sports ranting. It is such a huge part of my life right now. Sorry if I am being really boring...

Today...

2010-02-12T22:48:00.007-05:00

Just a warning, this post is probably going to be pretty long. If you don't want to read it, there is a short summary of everything at the bottom of the post. :)

So today was the day for diving. I was already pretty nervous last night. While I am a pretty competitive person, when it comes to diving, I'm not a very good competitor. I get nervous and tense in meets, which results in dives that are way worse than normal. Not very fun. So last night I was already feeling anxious. I just kept doubting myself. It almost wasn't even that I was doubting my dives, but doubting that I would get the Nationals cut I needed. I was already getting scared of coming home the next day disappointed. I think that was a big thing for me, I just didn't want to end my diving career unhappy with my last performance. But yet it was this fear that would probably make me dive poorly. Vicious cycle of the mind.

I had already qualified for Nationals earlier this season, but to get to Nationals for diving is quite complicated. You have to qualify twice, then send in a tape and then get invited to the meet. Because I had only qualified once, I needed to do it again in order to send in a tape. And this was my last chance.

I just kept praying and talking to the Lord. I had to remind myself that he is sovereign. He knew if I was going to qualify or not. And he was in control of the whole situation. If he wanted me to qualify, he could make it happen. If he didn't, then I was going to have to be okay with that. I could still be glorifying him and giving him the praise. I kept telling myself I had to have a good attitude no matter what.

So this is how my meet this morning went. I was anxious. I really wanted to do well. I don't dive well at all when this is the case so just kept trying not to think about it. First dive: front double (two somersaults) pike. My hurdle was horrendous and I essentially did it from standing (not typically a dive you do from standing) Anyway, it was far from my best. Not a great way to start off the meet. I tried to get past it and just think about my next dive. My front two and half pike. Again, terrible hurdle and I left it short. (Translation: not good) Those are the two dives I can do in my sleep. They're the ones I count on to start me off on a good note. I just kept trying to tell myself to have fun. But in the back of my mind I couldn't stop thinking about how I was slowly throwing away my opportunity to make it to Nationals. My third dive didn't go so well. Again, a horrible hurdle, which just sets you up for a bad dive. After that they started to pick up a little bit. My inward one and half was pretty good and things started to click a little better. The rest of the meet was fine. It wasn't anything extremely grand and exciting, but it wasn't awful either.

At Calvin we have a great score board where we can see our scores for the dive and our total score by that point in the meet. I didn't want to look at my total scores cause then I just start doing math and try to figure out what I need to do on each dive in order to get enough points. When that happens, I end up thinking about the points more than what I need to do in order to get them. So I didn't look at my total score. I looked after my 6 dives to see if I qualified, and I was about 15 points off. I knew I didn't make it, I didn't dive that well. So I now just had to hope my 11 dive score was enough.

I did my last dive and looked up at the scoreboard. My total before that dive was in the 360's. The judges scores hadn't come up yet and knew that I had to have done well on that dive in order to make it. I didn't know if it was good enough. It felt good, but...and then 395.20 pops up on the screen! Talk about cutting it close! I needed 395 to qualify and I did it by 0.20!

THAT is what I call JESUS! You just don't get closer than that. In diving 0.20 is nothing. Had one judge given me a half a point less on one of my dives and I wouldn't have made it. That just screams out the Lord's power! He wanted me to make it. 0.20 short of 395 would have been really hard. But like I said earlier, the Lord is sovereign. Had that have happened, I would have known the Lord did not want me to make the cut. But in his grace, I made it by the skin of my teeth! It was so relieving. That weight just lifted off. I get to send in a tape. And my tape doesn't have to be from today, it can be from any meet this season. God is good! He gets all the glory! It is truly truly only because of him that I made it today.

To His name be the glory and praise! Only by his grace, only through his strength.

So that was just the first half of the day. Lots more happened. Lots. It was all really crazy. Really crazy. I was hoping I could write about it tonight, but I just don't have time. I'll have to do it tomorrow. I need to get some rest, I have a track meet tomorrow. I'd really like to get something over 12 feet tomorrow. Please be praying. 12 feet 7 and 3/4 inches is the automatic height. That would be really super awesome, and would take away this crazy waiting game cause I would be in for sure, but it is also a bit ambitious. I know I can do it though.

Sorry to have to run. Also, I hate doing this, but if I don't I get people who are mad at me for not telling them. I was in the Grand Rapids Press this morning. Here is the site you want to read it. (Just copy and paste this into the browser, sorry I couldn't figure out how to put in in as a link) http://www.mlive.com/smallcolleges/grandrapids/index.ssf/2010/02/calvins_joy_leach_looks_to_qua.html

Summary Version:
Diving today didn't go as well as I had hoped, BUT I did still get a National qualifying cut! Just barely. I needed a 395 and I got a 395.20 - Praise Jesus! Also, track meet tomorrow, pray it goes well.

More to come, I promise...

Competitive Christian?

2010-02-10T20:15:00.003-05:00

Is that an oxymoron?

Is being competitive a sin?

When you compete you want to beat someone. Is that okay?

Sports require competition. Period. You can't have sports without it.

But with competition often comes pride; lifting yourself higher than others. Pride is a sin. Pride is not of the Lord. So can a Christian really compete?

These are the kinds of questions that have been running through my head. What does it mean to be humble, do sports for God's glory, but also be a fierce competitor?

I think there is a fine line between being competitive and being prideful. I think there is a place for competition. There has to be. There is a place for sports in a God glorifying Christian lifestyle and sports require competition. If there wasn't any competition in sports, they would be pointless. You play for a final result. There are others reasons as well, but if at the end, if there isn't a team that wins and a team that doesn't, what is the point of the game?

I've been struggling with this as I've been mentally preparing for Conference. It starts tomorrow! Crazy. I don't dive until Friday afternoon.

But for me, sports is 95% mental. For real. There is strength and technique in diving and pole vaulting, but so much of that has to do with the way you think. Confidence is a big thing for me. I have to be confident in my dives and vaults. I have to know that I know what I'm doing. I've done it before. A million times. As meets unfold this is something I am constantly coaching myself through. The second I doubt myself and my abilities, my hurdle messes up or my step gets off.

A huge part of sports is what you believe you can accomplish. I have to go into Friday's meet knowing that I have the ability to make it to Nationals. Yes, this is absolutely a God given ability. It is not through me and my efforts, but what he has done and can do through me. I have to go in, knowing that there are girls that I can beat. That's how the mental game of sports goes.

If you come to a race and while standing at the starting line, look to the athlete next to you and think, "your better than me and are going to beat me" you have just given that person the victory. There is no way you could beat them going into it with that kind of mindset. So where does humility fit in?

With this, I'm really not quite sure. I feel like it depends on how you see humility. Is it making yourself less to others? Lifting others above yourself? Or does it really just come down to your relationship with the Lord? Do we just need to be humble before the Lord and that will end up coming out in the way we live? I don't know. I've been wrestling with this for the past couple weeks. I've talked to a lot of people and still feel like I haven't found an answer that captures all of it.

If humility is making myself less in regards to others, it is really hard to pair that with a confident attitude. It also seems to lessen who we are in God's eyes. Who he has created us to be. He didn't create us to have everyone become less than the people around them. If that were the case we wouldn't have bold confidence. Leaders would be scarce. We are supposed to celebrate in the people God has created us to be. Not for our glory, but for His. God has given me talent. He has given me this absolute love for sports. He has given me the discipline and determination to go to practice day in and day out. I am to use these gifts! Not in pride, in humility. But what does that look like?

If humility is having confidence in yourself, but putting others ahead of you, then we come back again to the idea of thinking others will be better than you in sports as well. Maybe that is bad logic, I made a couple jumps, but hopefully you get the idea...

And then if humility is just between us and God, what does that look like to others? We are to pursue humility. When we say that someone is humble, it is not because they are always humble, but because they actively pursue humility (information courtesy of the sister:)) So what does actively pursuing humility look like while being a strong competitor?

I think its a pretty complicated question and I don't have the answer. Insights are gladly appreciated.

Sorry if that was boring and complicated. Just a rant I had to go on...

We're all just little pencils

2010-02-04T22:14:00.005-05:00

I would say that things are looking up since last night. Praying about all of this and spending time with the Lord has helped a lot. Putting things into perspective. Big Picture: it doesn't matter in the least bit. I just have to continually get over myself. It stinks that I have to do that continually. You'd think you would learn after a couple times. Nope, it is rooted in who I am.

I didn't get much sleep last night and woke up just feeling overwhelmed. I wasn't done dealing with everything and still had some thinking and sorting out to do. We started our class with a little devotional. It was an interview someone had with Mother Teresa. At one point she said, "It is his work. I am like a little pencil in his hand. That is all. He does the thinking. He does the writing. The pencil has nothing to do with it. The pencil has only to be allowed to be used. In human terms, the success of our work should not have happened."

I like that image. We are just pencils; instruments. God is in control, he is writing our stories. He is creating the story. We are just to allow him to use us. That's what I want. I just want to be used by God. I also like the idea she suggests about success. The success of our work shouldn't have ever happened, had it not been for God. He is the reason. He is the source. So why do we consider this success for ourselves?

Every gift is from God. We are just pencils in his hand. He is the author. The creator. He knows where the story is going. He wants to use us though. We have to be willing. We have to allow him to use us.

Once I step back and look at this whole situation with diving, it all becomes so small. It doesn't really matter. So I don't count for points. Big whoop. That does not define me. It doesn't define my impact on the team or the potential for my capabilities. I want my heart to be buried in Christ, not in the recognition of the outside world. I dive for him. For his glory. May his name be praised in all that I do.

Opportunities cut in half

2010-02-03T23:40:00.010-05:00

Every year on the swim team there are "technically" more people on the team than can have. At our conference championship meet you are only allowed to have 18 people count for points, even if other people could get points as well. This is a grueling task that Dan, our head coach, faces every year. There always seems to be drama or arguments when it is decided who scores points for the team and who doesn't. Everyone is a part of the team and when one girl scores points, it is because of her teammates pushing her, that she was able to do so. We all know this, but at the same time, of course everyone wants to be someone who gets to count for points.

God just really hit me. I had an absolutely amazing night at Crossroads College Group Kick Off. It was awesome. The Lord showed up and moved in hearts. I got back and checked my email.

I don't get to count for points this year.

That hit me pretty hard. Honestly, harder than I thought it would. I was a little shocked. Not flabbergasted or completely blind-sided, but shocked. I knew that it was a possibility, but didn't see it as a reality. It's all complicated and I don't completely feel like explaining it, but essentially, divers count as 1/3 of a person. So 3 divers only take up one spot. We have four girl divers though, so that would be two spots. I only do one board. Part of it makes sense.

I have had just about every emotion hit my body and every thought go through my head. At first I was kind of mad. Then a little upset, which surprised me. I kept telling myself that I know Dan made the best decision for the team. But the really sucky part for me: I only have one opportunity to try and make it to Nationals now. The four possible ways, have been cut to two ways. My first six dive score, or my total eleven dive score, which really only leaves one shot. If my first six don't go well, it effects both totals and I don't get to do them over. If I make top eight, it doesn't matter. I don't get to dive that night, and I can't place in the meet. I'll be honest. This sucks. Standing on that podium is no longer an option. I feel like what I've been working towards the last 6 months just got pulled out from under me.

Next emotion/thought process: prove them wrong. The next thing that came through my mind was, "okay Dan, I'll show you that you made a bad decision." Terrible, I know. Just trying to be honest. This fire built inside of me and I just wanted to say, "wait and see what I can do." There is still a part of me that had that drive. "Yeah, watch and see how the girl that didn't even count for points, ends up on the team that goes to Nationals."

And then I have to re-evaluate. Why am I so upset about this? Am I doing it for the spot on that podium? Do I feel that I have to compare myself to others? I didn't think so, but then why am I so bothered? Definitely makes me look at my purpose and intentions again. I thought they were set straight. Maybe not. A positive aspect to it, is that there is no longer any pressure! I hate pressure and do really awful under pressure, so at least that is a good thing.

Uh. I'm frustrated. So many thoughts going through my head. I don't know which ones are okay and which ones I need to change. This whole idea of coming out as a fierce competitor and proving that I can do it, is that okay? I only have one opportunity to say, "this is the place I would have gotten, had I counted for points." Is that pride or is that believing in myself and my capabilities? I don't know. I'm sure there is pride rooted in it. I hate that. I hate pride. I am so sick and tired of myself. Why do I always have to think of myself first? How disgusting.

But there is part of me that has to convince myself to keep going. I do have talent, it is all from God, and I do have something to show the world. There is just this side of me that wants to give up. What's the point? This season is so long and takes such a tole on me. I was already having trouble staying in it mentally. And now this. I've poured so much into this, and now it doesn't even matter? BAD! Bad thinking Joy!

I do have talent. It is from God. And the purpose of me doing this sport is to bring him glory. Can I still glorify him at conference? Absolutely! Does God care that I don't count for points? Not one bit! Can I still glorify God in my attitude and work ethic? Absolutely!

It's not about me. It is all about him. I have to continually repeat this to myself. I can still make it to Nationals. And if I don't, its okay. God still gets the glory and hopefully his name will be lifted higher either way. Enough about me. I'm so sick and tired of me. It's not about you, Joy! Get over it!

Do I not trust the Lord? Do I think he doesn't know what he is doing? How arrogant. Of course he knows what he is doing. For one, I already know that he is really digging into my heart to see if I am actually doing this for His glory. Lord I trust you. I trust you. I trust you. I trust you. You know what you are doing. You have my heart. Take it. Use me. This is not my life to live. You have bought me, you have paid the price. Do with me what you will.

I know this is where I need to be. I'm not completely there quite yet, but I'm getting there. I will be there soon. This is an opportunity to embrace humility. Wow I'm bad at doing that. Please be praying. That God would capture my heart and I would let go of the things of this world. Podium places, point values, recognition. I don't want any of it. That is deep within my heart and it needs to come bursting forth. I covet your prayers.

Dutchmen Defeated - Check

2010-01-31T20:24:00.003-05:00

Our meet yesterday went well. We beat Hope! So that is always a good thing. It was a pretty good meet for me personally. I dove well, not quite as well as the day before, but I bombed one dive, so my score was far from close to a Nationals cut. I was "hanging ten" as we like to say (my feet were half off the end of the board) on my reverse dive, so just had to chuck it and hope I didn't fail the dive. It was legal, but it looked horrendous. Oh well. Other than that dive, I was happy with how I did. My fronts weren't as crisp as the day before, but they were fine. My score didn't reflect how I felt about the meet, but thats okay.

I now have one more chance to qualify for diving Nationals. We have our Conference meet in two weeks and I can qualify then. There are several ways I can qualify (kind of). I either need to qualify in an eleven dive meet (get a 395 or higher) or I can qualify for a second time with six dives (255 or higher). I have to do eleven dives at Conference, but if my six dive score in those eleven qualifies, it counts. Or I can do it with all eleven. If I do well in the afternoon (top 8) I'll make it back for the night session. In that case I would do six more dives(optionals, our harder dives) and could qualify there. They also take the five easy dives(voluntary)from the morning and add it to those 6 and could qualify with an eleven dive score. Sorry thats all really confusing. Essentially I have one more day I could qualify, but kind of 4 more ways to qualify. Conference just needs to go well. And if it doesn't, well I don't really want to think about that cause it messes with my brain, but if I don't got to Nationals, I'll be okay. I've had a great season so far and am proud of how I've been diving lately. And God doesn't care about my performance. So all is good.

Classes start tomorrow :( Not really ready for that one. I haven't had to do school in a month and a half. It's been fantastic. I only have one class cause I'm student teaching this semester, so hopefully it won't be too bad. Just have to get back into the mentality of school and being efficient with my time.

God is Good!

2010-01-29T21:25:00.005-05:00

Yeah. Thats about all I can say. He is so good, so amazing, and he gets all the glory! My sports have been going really well. As many of you may know, over the past year and a half or so, I've been on a journey with my sports. I've been walking with the Lord trying to figure out what it means to do sports for him and his glory, not for my own. It was quite a journey and struggle last year, and this year, while I'm still learning a lot, I feel like I've been able to apply all that I learned and its been going really well.

I'm not really sure how I should be writing this. I want you to share with me in my successes, but I don't want it to come across as being boastful. It's not about me. It is all about the Lord. It is about the talent that he has given me and he gets all the glory for my performances.

In my senior year, I have done better than I could have ever imagined and I love my sports more than I ever have before. Fridays just seem to be going well. Last Friday I got to go to an indoor track meet! Yay! It was so exciting. It was the first one of the season I was able to go to because my diving meets. Pole Vault practice has been going well. I'm definitely stronger than I was last year because we've been doing more dryland as well as lifting for diving. It makes a huge difference for pole vaulting, which I have to say, I've enjoyed. We had an indoor track meet at Grand Valley and by the grace of God I did really well! I had a personal best of 3.6 meters (11'9 and 3/4 in)and qualified for Indoor Nationals. I was ecstatic. I was able to get on a pole that I wasn't even on at the end of the season last year, which, if you don't know anything about pole vaulting, is a very good thing. It was such an exciting meet for me. I definitely had a lot of adrenaline going and couldn't fall asleep that night. It seemed too good to be true. It still does. It still is. That height initially put me 7th on the list, but since then, I've been bumped down to 10th. (I'm not sure how many people they will end up taking, but the rule book says they have to take a minimum of 11) Because of diving meets there are only two more track meets I can go to before Nationals, so hopefully those will go well. Regardless, I'm really excited about my performance and God definitely gets all the glory. It's still surreal, and honestly was easier than I could have imagined. It's been a deep dream of mine for the past three years and it is so close to coming true. It's all in his hands. We'll have to see what happens.

Today I thought was going to be a struggle. We had our last home dual meet of my life and we have our biggest dual meet tomorrow (against Hope, our rivals). We didn't have class today so I was lazy. All day. I had a phone interview about interning again (which went well and I was essentially offered the job, pending my interview with Chad) and then I just sat around. I was tired and feeling lazy. I got some work on my computer done (resume stuff) but was just a bum all day. I wasn't feeling ready for our meet. Mentally or physically. I just started praying. That God would prepare me. Practice has been going well and my meet last week went well for the most part. I've been close to making it to Nationals for diving before, but it seems to be a scarcity. Last year I was within half a point at one meet and this year I've been as close as a point and a half, which in diving, is not a lot. Well today was my day. I had the meet of my life with a personal best and a Nationals cut. Definitely excited. Definitely the Lord. He is so amazing! Now this actually doesn't really mean anything though. I have to qualify again in order to send in a tape, in which case a panel of judges will watch my dives, score me themselves, and then they have a conference call to discuss who they should invite to the meet or not. All quite complicated. I also don't do three meter, so although its not supposed to affect it, it definitely doesn't help me that I'll only send in one tape, and not two. But like I said earlier, at this point, its just totally up to the Lord. I have a meet tomorrow, and if I dive like I did today, I'll be in good shape. If not, I have one more meet to try and do it in.

I'm definitely proud of myself. I'm excited, and I think thats a good thing, I don't think thats something I need to hide. I just have to continually remind myself that its not about me. I did nothing great. It is all God's power and work through me, through the talent he has given me. These two meets and qualifications, could end up meaning nothing. There is still a chance, and a pretty good chance, that I won't get to go to either Nationals meet. And I need to be okay with that. I am okay with that. It is in the Lord's hands. May his will be done. I am definitely happy with my performances and if others out-perform me in order to get to Nationals, then so be it. May they give him the glory for their talent.

While I get so excited and pumped (I think I had adrenaline going for a couple days after my track meet) it is also extremely humbling. Why me? Why is God pouring these blessings on me? I'm no one special. I am on two teams with people who work just as hard as I do. They put in the same hours as I do. They want it as bad as I do, but sometimes it still doesn't work out for them. Why is it all of a sudden working out for me? At the end of my senior year? There is a part of me that wants to say that the Lord is "rewarding" my attitude and my purpose of doing sports. A lot has changed in my mindset over the last year. But at the same time, just because you do sports for God's glory, doesn't mean your going to make Nationals cuts. I don't know. It's all a bit complicated. It is humbling though. I feel like I don't deserve it. Really because we don't deserve anything. Like my sister used to always say, "if I got what I deserved, I'd be in hell." (we used to joke she only said this because she got to say hell :) but it is oh so true)I don't deserve these blessings. I don't deserve them one bit, but because the Lord has chosen to bless me in this way, I will rejoice! I will rejoice in his name, in his power, in his will! He gets all the glory. We are blessed in order to be a blessing, so I hope and pray that through these experiences I will be a blessing to others. May he become so much greater through my sports, and may I become so much less.

Humans are not meant to live here

2010-01-29T10:22:00.003-05:00

Yesterday I was walking outside in the bitter cold. It has been especially freezing the last couple days. As I was walking I overheard a couple people having a conversation about how cold it was and one girl said that it is statistically proven that places with warm weather have stronger communities than places with cold weather. Makes sense. It got me thinking though, that maybe that is why I hate the Michigan winters so much. Everyone hibernates and a lot of community is lost. In Michigan's winter, everyone stays inside, while in places like Hawaii or Puerto Rico, people are out, friendly and community oriented.

So this got me thinking about what it looked like before electricity, lots of buildings and technology. Profound thinking, I know. So I know that you can heat with fire and people did build houses and stuff, but I just came to the conclusion, that humans weren't made to live here. We weren't made for 7 degree weather. That is just too cold to live in for 6 months out of the year.

I never knew how much the weather affected me until I got here. Snow is fun, but it never goes away! Anyway, I will stop complaining now. I have just come to the profound conclusion, that humans were not meant to live in such cold weather.

Winter Break - Puerto Rico Edition!

2010-01-20T21:05:00.005-05:00

After the beach in North Carolina, I headed down to Puerto Rico for our diving training trip. Now in year's past, I've dreaded our training trip. We typically go to Florida, which is great and fun, but we die while we're there. It is extremely mentally hard and physically exhausting. And honestly, this year, even though we were going to Puerto Rico, I was still dreading it a little bit. I knew that it would be fun to be there and the weather was awesome and it is a great time with the team, but thinking about the pain, just made it hurt. I wrote earlier about all the complications of the team getting there and everything that happened. It was all crazy, but as a whole, it was by far the best diving training trip I've been on.

We stayed in a five star Marriot hotel that was right on the beach. It was SO nice! They had a big pool outside next to the beach and great service. There were people standing outside next to beach chairs and you would ask them for one and they would carry it over to where you wanted to sit and set it up for you. I didn't even have to lay out in the sand! It was awesome. The beds were really comfortable and everything was so nice.

AAAAMAZING!

The pool we dove at was awesome as well. They had a tower, which is always fun to play on and do drills off of. One of the reasons I think I enjoyed this training trip was because I didn't have to do three meter. I don't do three meter anymore because of track, and that took away so much stress and anxiety. I basically did all of my dives everyday, which was great to get the reps in. We practiced from 6-8ish in the morning and then 4-6 in the afternoon. It was early, but we had all day to hang out, nap, eat and play. It was a ton of fun.

Diver pyramid! (yeah, I used to be at the top of pyramids...)

Nothing like jumping off a ten meter tower at 6 in the morning!

We did a couple team excursions that were lots of fun. Our first one was that we went to the Bio-luminescent Bay. It is this bay where all these little organisms that glow live. When you move the water around, it glows. It was really cool and a lot of fun. We weren't able to go as a whole team because there wasn't enough room, so the majority of the team went one night and all the seniors went the next night. It was really fun to do something with the thirteen of us since we don't really ever get to hang out as a senior class. We went at night and kayaked out to the bay. It was a really fun trip.

All the seniors out to dinner while the rest of the team was at the Bio Bay! So great to all hang out together.

My roommate Gillian!

The next day was Sunday, which we had off, and it was amazing! Most of the team took the local bus into Old San Juan. We split up into groups and walked around. I went with my roommate Gillian and Ross. We went and toured an old castle, walked around and got some lunch. The castle was sweet and had some gorgeous views. It was really hot that day and I got some bad blisters from my shoes, but it was still fun and we enjoyed it.

Me at the castle!

Roomie Picture!

The water was gorgeous!

Our last full day, in between practices, we went as a team to the rain forest. We hiked around and took pictures at a waterfall. It was really pretty and actually reminded me of the hike we went on when I was in Africa. Everything was so green and pretty.

Sam and I on our way to the rain forest, with lovely Brianna behind us :)

Casey and I at the waterfall!

As a whole I had an absolutely amazing time on our training trip. It was awesome to go to Puerto Rico and see San Juan. I got some good training in as well and the Lord walked me through each day. It was all because of him that I was able to mentally get through all of our practices. After a while, it just gets daunting, but by his grace I didn't have a single terrible practice. We had amazing weather and I would definitely recommend a trip to Puerto Rico if you ever have the opportunity!

Winter Break - All Over Edition

2010-01-17T12:04:00.007-05:00

After spending some quality days in the city, it was off to Christmas celebrations. I first made an overnight stop to Lake Champion (the camp I worked at this past summer) and got to catch up with some property staffers there. It was so great. It was awesome to be back there and see the changes they've made on the camp. It was so much fun to catch up with everyone and be back. I miss it so much and when I go back it feels like home again. The conversations I've had with some of the wives at camp are some of my favorites. Those women are such great mentors and I look up to them so much. It was great to get back there and catch up.

I then met my mom in New Jersey and we spent the night with my Aunt and cousin, which is always fun. And the next morning we headed down to Richmond. The 5 and half hour drive took over 10 hours because of traffic on 95. Sitting in traffic on a long road trip is like torture to me. But after a long day, we finally made it to my brother's house the day before Christmas Eve.

We did Christmas Eve in Charlottesville and went to Christ Community for the night service. It was great to be back there. It was insane to me how old everyone looked. These little kids that I used to babysit are now in high school and all huge and everything. It made me feel really old. It was good to be back though and I enjoyed it more than I thought I would. We did our usual snacks, punch and stockings at my grandparents house and then headed back to Richmond that night.

We did Christmas in Richmond at my brother's house. It was lots of fun and a very relaxing day. Jack was as cute as can be in his Christmas pajamas and was crawling all over presents.

Jack showed off all his new tricks. This one: "Jack what does an Indian say?"

Love this picture! What a great Aunt Janelle!

Three Generations

Two days after Christmas we headed down to the Outer Banks for our Garth/Leach week at the beach. We stayed in an amazing house and just hung out. It's a really relaxing time and it was fun to see the Garth's. There was a new addition to the Tullo family, so we had three little munchkins to fight over. It was lots of fun. And to our surprise, there will be a fourth addition next year! Yay! I get to be an aunt again!

I was only in the Outer Banks for a day and half, which was sad, but it was because I had to go to Puerto Rico. Tough life, I know. More of those adventures to come...

Winter Break - NYC Edition

2010-01-13T14:17:00.001-05:00

Backtracking a bit, my winter break was a ton of fun - full of family time, many destinations, Christmas and good laughs. It started out in New Jersey. I finished all of my papers, take homes and exams on Monday (the first day of exams) in order to get out of Grand Rapids early and spend as much time with family as possible. I drove all day Tuesday and spent the night at my Aunt and cousins house in New Jersey so that I didn't have to drive my car into the city. Wednesday I went with my aunt, two cousins, a cousin's boyfriend and a second cousin into the city to visit my parents. They wanted to see the new place and do NYC Christmas stuff.

(Oh yeah. I don't even think I updated about this. It all happened really fast. My dad was offered a job at a hospital in NYC in a management position and took it. He and my mom moved between Thanksgiving and Christmas (talk about crazy timing) to the city. It all happened in the matter of a couple months. It is definitely where God wants them and it turns out that they love it! Definitely to my surprise. Who would have ever thought that the girl who grew up outside the city, but never went to it and the boy who grew up working on a farm would one day end up living in downtown Manhattan?! Not me. So yeah. My parents who are recent empty-nesters now live in New York City.)

On Wednesday we went to Rockefeller Center and saw the tree all decorated and everything. We then went to a park that had an ice skate rink and a bunch of little shops. I went ice skating with my second cousin and it was a lot of fun. It was her first time ice skating and she got better each time around. Despite my face in the picture, I really did have fun! :)

It was very cold while we were there!

The rest of my time in the city was spent with my brother and his family and my parents. We did lots and lots of walking, which is what you do in the city and I loved hanging out with the family! Jack is the cutest thing in the entire world!

One day we went to the FDNY Museum and it was really cool. We walked around and took pictures. They had a Sept 11th memorial as well. It was fun to take pictures of Jack as a firefighter, just like his dad :)

Jack needed a souvenir from our adventures and who better than Curious George the firefighter?! He was quite attached and loves George very much!

My mom and I did some Christmas shopping on 5th Ave (Yeah. Crazy. We walked there.) and we investigated some good local restaurants. My last night there my parents and I discovered a great Japanese restaurant right around the corner. Everything is so convenient in the city. There are restaurants and stores everywhere. Everything is within walking distance and its just a different lifestyle. My parents are loving it and I have to say I loved it a lot more than I was expecting.

Safe and Sound

2009-12-31T19:57:00.002-05:00

The rest of the team arrived today! Yay! Two guys had to take a taxi from Ft. Lauderdale to Miami to catch a different flight, but everyone eventually got here and our team is now complete. Thank you Jesus!

It has been rainy and cloudy since I got here, but apparently you can burn really really fast in clouds here. I know that you can get sun through clouds, but I didn't realize how fast when you're closer to the equator. I laid out for about 2 hours this afternoon. It was really cloudy and rained part of the time I was out. I burned to a crisp! I haven't had sun burn this bad in a really long time. Guess I'm just gonna have to cover up tomorrow!

I'm off to hopefully sleep. There is loud music playing outside and screaming kids in the room next to us and I have a roommate who says she snores really loud and talks in her sleep. We'll see how this goes. Luckly, I brought earplugs :)

Hope you have a great New Year's!

Update

2009-12-31T08:45:00.002-05:00

Well the team ended up not flying in last night like we thought. Apparently this whole volcanic ash thing is easier to handle during the day. There is ash in the air a lot of the time, but during the day the planes can see it. When you fly at night, they can't see the ash so they haven't been sending the planes out. However, the team did get a flight for this morning, and as far as I know are on the plane right now. So they should be here shortly and our team will be reunited!

Training Trip Madness

2009-12-30T06:52:00.003-05:00

I have so much to catch up on. Whats new. Christmas break has been awesome. Time with the family, including cousins and my nephew have been tons of fun. I've been in New Jersey (multiple times), New York City, Lake Champion, Richmond, Charlottesville, the Outer Banks and finally Puerto Rico! I'll catch up on everything later, but wanted to write about all thats been going on here in Puerto Rico.

My flights for the most part went alright. On my second flight we sat on the plane at the gate for two hours before we left, which seemed like forever, but we got here safely and everything worked out. I flew on my own, but the rest of the team flew in two groups. There were ten people that flew out of Chicago really early yesterday morning and the rest of the team practiced in Grand Rapids and flew out of Chicago later in the day. The people already in Puerto Rico were supposed to practice at the pool here and then go pick up the rest of the team last night.

I got in later than I was supposed to and Aaron and Casey picked me up from the airport a little after six. There was a whole huge catastrophe that I wasn't apart of the hour before they got me. We are supposed to have a bunch of rental vans here to take to and from the pool. I don't know what happened, but all we had was the car for the divers which seats seven. They piled eleven in and drove around for an hour to try and find the pool. The roads here are absolutely insane. The exits are all crazy where you have to drive past something and then take the exit towards where you want to go, but then turn away from it to turn around towards it...I don't know, it doesn't make any sense. So Casey and Aaron picked me up and we went to go find the pool we are diving at since it is different from the pool the swimmers are at. It took about 45 minutes doing lots of loops and turns, but we finally made it there.

On the ride to the pool Casey and Aaron informed me of all the craziness that had been going on. Casey told me the rest of the team wouldn't be coming that night. Something about a volcano erupting and there being too much ash in the air, making it dangerous to land a plane. I don't know, Kelly and I both flew in on our own and didn't have any problems, but the airline wouldn't send them out. Dan said that they were gonna try to get a flight out for this morning, but if the team couldn't get here by Friday, they wouldn't come at all. So crazy.

So there are twelve of us here in Puerto Rico and the other 50 of our team isn't here. They not only couldn't get to Puerto Rico, but were stuck in Atlanta, Georgia. The plan kept changing, but what eventually happened is the team split up in three groups and flew to Orlando late last night. This is our training trip, which is always really intense, so Dan wanted to get in all the training they could. They flew to Orlando, where we usually stay for one night when we have our training trip in Florida, practiced this morning, are practicing again later today and then are taking a really late flight into Puerto Rico tonight. They're supposed to get here around 2am. CRAZY.

I am so thankful everything with my flights worked out and I'm not stranded in an airport by myself. Casey and I are the only divers here, but we lucked out and have our coach, which is great. We dove for about 20 minutes yesterday since we were so late with everything and then went to pick up the swimmers. We were going to take two trips because we now had an added person (me) and my luggage. We decided to try and make it work, so fit twelve people plus a suitcase into a 7 passenger car and went to grab some dinner. Dinner took forever, but we got back to the hotel, crashed and did some dryland practice this morning. We're not sure what time we are able to get on the boards to dive this week cause what we were told is not the same as what the people at the pool said. We're hoping to work that out today.

Anyway, I am alive and doing well! It's been a crazy couple of days and seems like we're just going to have to keep rolling with the punches and being flexible. Please pray everything works out for our team and that they get here safely. Also pray that we don't have 12-2 as our pool practice time like they think we do cause that would mean we wouldn't be able to do things as a whole team during the day. God is in control and I just have to keep trusting in him.

Happy Birthday Nick!

2009-12-20T09:35:00.003-05:00

I guess you could say that Nick was an unexpected friend, someone who just shows up in your life out of no where, and doesn't leave. I'm not really even sure how we became friends, but looking back after four and half years its been quite a journey. I've learned so much from him and through our friendship. Some times were great and awesome while others I could have gone without, but he is the one friend who has been there through all of it with me. He knows me better than probably anyone and could tell you exactly how I would react given a particular situation (most likely because he would react in the same way). We are so similar, yet polar opposites. There are often times where we will ask each other, "how the heck are we friends?" My only answer to that question, is the Lord. God has called us to be friends, and I'm fine with that. My relationship with the Lord has grown and been challenged through my friendship with Nick. From high school to me going off to college to my family moving to Nick going to college, God has had a strategic hand in all of it. I think it would be safe to say that neither of us thought we would be friends once I graduated high school, but man were we wrong. Nick is now the only person I talk to from Charlottesville. Crazy how our lives can change in the matter of moments.

Nick is that friend that I can always count on. He's been through the thick and thin of everything with me and I know he always has a shoulder to lean on. He has a contagious enthusiasm about him that is so fun to be around. Once you get him on the topic of rugby, football or hip hop, he'll talk about it so passionately that for a second you'll think you love it too. He's a great guy and awesome friend to have.

I hope you have a super fantastic birthday Nick!

I'm Back!

2009-12-18T20:26:00.003-05:00

Well...contrary to popular belief...I AM still alive. The last six or seven weeks almost killed me, but by the grace of God, I made it through. I had a pretty busy semester to start with, but in the matter of one week, it turned to absolute chaos. I picked up a class that started half way through the semester, dryland changed from two mornings a week to three mornings a week, and track started. It was insane. Since first semester my sophomore year at Calvin each semester has gotten harder and at the end of it I always say, "well at least it can't get harder than that." Then the next semester roles around and I'm sorely mistaken. After past semester, I literally wouldn't ever be able to handle more, I wasn't even able to handle it this time around. There were many days that I struggled with which responsibility needed to give, and what I could get away with not doing. Quite a few days of not doing homework, which always stresses me out, but there wasn't anything I could do about it. There just wasn't enough time.

I was hoping to catch up on my blog over Thanksgiving, but I ended up doing homework all break to catch up and it just didn't happen. But...as of Monday at 5:00pm, I am officially done with my last semester of classes!!! WHOO HOO!

I still have two semesters of student teaching, but hopefully that will be homework that I enjoy and not quite as hectic. But, I guess we'll have to see.

There is much much more updating as many many things have changed in my life in the last month or so, but I will write again later...

Struggle City

2009-11-01T11:23:00.002-05:00

It's been a while. This week was beyond anything I could handle. And it was supposed to be a relaxing one. It was busy and hectic and too many things to do. Lots going on and not much time to write, nor do I really feel like it right now. Just wanted to update since its been so long. Maybe I'll be back later tonight. The best description I have is "Struggle City."

Hard. Easy. Easy. Hard.

2009-10-19T20:37:00.003-04:00

His ways are higher than my ways. His ways are higher than my ways. His ways are higher than my ways. I am having to continually repeat this to myself right now. I just got overwhelmed with the feeling of being tired of trusting God. I feel like so often I am left without answers and without an understanding. I just sometimes wish I knew why. Why does he take away things we love, or not give us things we desire? I know he has a better plan. I know he has a better way. But my flesh wants to understand. I know that's not my job. It's not my job to understand. Sometimes I just want to though.

Arg. Why is trusting God so hard sometimes? Uh! Listen to me. When it's easy, I want it to be hard. When it's hard, I want it to be easy. How foolish! I need to enjoy where God has me. I need to embrace it. I need to embrace the utter dependence. God help me. I need you.

Number One

2009-10-09T00:33:00.005-04:00

It's Thursday. Well, I guess now it is technically Friday. Thursdays are my really long days. It is now 12:34am and I have been up since 4:56am and I don't want to go to sleep. I had an awesome day. The Lord's grace goes way beyond sufficient. I can't even begin to explain. I am on fire right now. I want to sing and dance and praise God with all that I am! He astounds me.

I knew today was going to be a good day. I had just finished a dream and was rolling over when my alarm went off this morning. I didn't hit the snooze button and I got out of bed. That is only because of his grace! I've been struggling to get up in the morning and the Lord just woke me up, got me to my feet and sent me into his Word. Days that we have dryland early in the morning it's harder for me to spend a significant amount of time in the Word. The Lord got me up this morning and I started my day well. Giving him the details and control of each moment.

I literally just went through today drenched in his grace. His hand was upon me and he carried me the whole way. I don't even know how to explain it. I coasted through only by this wind of grace that was pushing me. Classes went well, I got to take about an hour nap which was an amazing nap, and then I had more class. It all went really well.

So then after my day was about done at 9:00pm I headed out to see what this whole barn thing was all about. I don't know if you remember, but some guys that I met on the retreat told me about doing worship and bible study in this barn on Thursday nights. It made for a really long Thursday, but I don't have class tomorrow, so it actually worked out well. It was awesome.

I loved it. The Lord was in that place and people were just being real. Uh! I love being real. All the fake crap I see so often gets so frustrating. It was so refreshing. These three brothers that I met on the retreat, that told me about it and are the ones who started it, are awesome. I don't really know them very well, but there is seriously something different about them and I want it. Their passion and love for the Lord is contagious. They have something that I want. What an awesome quality. I pray that I am the kind of person that people see Christ in me and say that I have something they want. It was an awesome night.

There were about 15 of us and we shared testimonies and got to know each other and looked at 2 Peter a little bit. It was the Lord. He was in that place. I could go on for a while, but there is just one thing that I want to share as a take-away. It answered a huge question for me from a post a couple weeks ago.

So Jon tells us this story he heard from someone. The starter question is, how would you react, if I told you that God didn't want to be your number one? That he just didn't want it, he didn't want you to set him in "priority number one."

Our responses were that, that was crazy and a lie and just not true. Well...here's a little analogy for you.

So there's this business man. He lives in the U.S. and has a wife he loves. Because of his job he travels all the time. He's constantly gone and constantly in other countries and traveling from place to place. Over the course of some time, he ends up having four additional wives. He goes on living multiple lives for a while and then decides he should tell his wife. So he finally works up the courage to tell his wife that he has four other wives, but don't worry, he assured her that she was his "number one wife."

I like the analogy. God doesn't want to just be number one. He wants to be one, two, three, four, five...etc. If he's number one and something else is number two, he's not a part of number two. God wants to be more than our number one. He wants to be our lives. This put things into perspective for me and assured me that its maybe even a good thing I don't have my priorities listed. As long as God is all of them, I'm set.

I had a great night. The Lord filled me with his Spirit and I just feel alive and refreshed. It's now after one in the morning and I haven't been up this late in who knows how long. Hopefully I won't be sorry tomorrow. His grace is sufficient.

BEING

2009-10-04T15:45:00.010-04:00

This weekend was awesome. We had the Crossroads College Age Retreat from Friday to Saturday and it was fantastic. The Lord showed up and met us where we were. The theme was Being. Being with God, Being with others, and Being Christ to others. We had three different sessions and someone different spoke about each topic. It was awesome, and challenging, and so good.

There was an extremely small turnout from Calvin and I didn't really have any close friends there. It was such a great opportunity to meet so many new people! We played games and talked and had some ice-breakers, and I'm really excited about some of the people I was able to meet. There was such passion in everyone that was there and it was so contagious.

The first talk was Being with God. Will shared from the word and through experience about prayer. It was definitely challenging, but something I needed to hear. I love prayer and the power of prayer. I've learned a lot about it over the past year or so. I know the power it has and I love it, yet I don't dedicate enough time to it. I'm good about my devotions, but I don't go get away for an extended period of time and only pray. We looked at Matthew 6:1,5-15. Will talked about literally going into the closet and praying. I started to brainstorm, where my closet could be. I don't really have a literal closet to use, especially since I share a room. I want somewhere that I can't be interrupted. And what I came up with is the dark and scary basement of our apartment. My plan is to clean it up, decorate, and have a place to get away and pray. It was an encouraging message that challenged me. It challenged me in an exciting way. I want my prayer life to become stronger and my relationship with the Lord to grow. A phrase that he shared with us, I really liked was "Prayer is really simple. But it's not easy." He talked about getting up in the morning and not wanting to pray. Our flesh takes over and we just don't want to do it. In those times, if we pray, "God I want to want you more than I do right now" He will show up and change our hearts. The Lord promises that when we seek him, or when we draw near to him, he will draw near to us. We have to do our part, and he promises to do his.

That night we hung out and played some games. We played telephone charades, which ended up being hilarious. I also ended up making a complete fool out of myself. We were given a scenario and we had to act it out, while someone who didn't know the scenario would watch. They would then act it out for the next person who didn't know what was going on, and so on. So I went first and my scenario was that I was a monkey in the jungle. I was swinging from vine to vine collecting bananas. Then I stopped and ate some of my bananas. (Then some college boys chimed in on the scenario) I then had to fight off a lion who tried to steal my bananas. I won and had to wear his head as a crown. Yeah. Try acting that out. It was ridiculous. I made a complete fool out of myself and looked like an idiot. But who cares? right? It was really fun, we all laughed and had a great time.

The next morning Derrick talked about being with others. We looked at 2 Timothy 2:1-7, which I wouldn't typically pick out as a "fellowship" group of verses, but he did a really great job. There were a couple take-aways for me. The first is that Paul tells us to rejoice! Twice. And coming from Paul, and his situation, we can rejoice in all of life's trials and circumstances. And we can rejoice because God's grace is sufficient. Derrick also talked about how we all need to have a Paul in our life (a mentor) and a Timothy in our life (a mentee). This is something that I have been praying about for a while and am continuing to pray about. Another thing that stuck out to me was a question he asked. We were talking about suffering. That we will suffer and we need to suffer well. This whole health, wealth and prosperity gospel that is going around is a bunch of crap. We will suffer. But he asked a question that I liked. He asked, "are you a threat to Satan?" If the answer is no, they we're not going after God like we should. If the answer is yes, you will have suffering in your life. There was a lot more that I liked too, but this is already getting long, so I'm going to move on to the third session.

DanMike talked about Being Christ to Others. We looked at Philippians 4:4-9. The two big questions he asked were, How big is God to me? And How does my life prove it? One thing he hit really hard was control. Too much control and we get anxious because we need every detail planned out. Too little control and we get anxious because we have no idea where we're headed. We have to give God the control. See a theme in my life? :) Present our requests to him, and he will give us peace. Twice in these verses God promises his peace which passes all understanding. We also looked at verse 8 and thought about what a world would look like if we did this. It says, "whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things." What would our world look like, or what would we look like if we only thought about things that were true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent and praiseworthy? We would be much more encouraging, and much more approachable.

The worship sessions were great and the whole weekend was a blast. We built relationships with each other and strengthened our relationships with the Lord. It was awesome and all because of the Lord.

As we were leaving I started talking to a couple guys who go to Calvin. I really wanted to connect with some Calvin people cause I really want to see the Calvin/Crossroads community do something real on campus. I ended up talking to these brothers who just seemed like awesome people. Definitely on fire for the Lord and had the same mindset as me as far as Calvin and Crossroads. They told me about this thing that people have been doing on Thursday nights. A bunch of people from Calvin and Cornerstone (another nearby Christian college) have been getting together in a barn for worship and bible study. It sounded awesome. Just people getting together and getting in the Word. So hopefully I'll be able to check it out at some point. It sounds amazing. I just am still praying about my commitments, time and schedule. I have to learn to say no to things, even if they are good things, if God doesn't want me there.

I then ended the weekend with Michelle spending the night, church, coaching, and community group. Spending time with Michelle was absolutely amazing. I love that girl to death and am so thankful for our friendship. We had a sweet time together. It was a great weekend.

Without Fail

2009-09-30T21:19:00.003-04:00

The Holy Spirit is real and alive and amazing. The past couple weeks in my morning devotions I've been starting by writing in my prayer journal. I'll write and get out what is on my heart. Sometimes the theme or topic shifts as I'm writing, but I just go with it. It's the Holy Spirit. And then I open up my devotional that I love. It is short paragraphs written from the perspective of God that are based on scripture. The past couple weeks, everytime I open to the day's devotional, it has to do with exactly what I was praying about. Everyday. Without fail. Random topics, reoccuring topics, mindsets, changes of heart, all of it. Exactly what I was praying. Exactly what I need to hear.

This just blows me away. It shouldn't, but it does. I love it! The Holy Spirit is at work and the Lord knows what he wants me thinking about that day, or what things I need to be giving up. His ways are so much higher than my ways. I then get to look up the scripture references and meditate on them as well. It's been good. I've been learning a lot and have to constantly turn everything over to the Lord. Whatever his will is, let it be done in my life.

Victory

2009-09-26T12:53:00.003-04:00

Well, week one is over. Diving started this week and I made it through. I am still alive and in quite good spirits. It was hard and a long week for sure, but I survived. It was definitely fun to get back into things and get back on the boards. We have five new freshman, so I'm starting to build relationships with them as well. It's been fun so far.

I also started aiding on Wednesday and I love my placement! I've only been once, but I know I'm going to learn a ton and really enjoy it. My teacher is great. She really genuinely cares for her students and goes above and beyond. I am in a Kindergarten and First grade Mildly Cognitively Impaired classroom at an urban elementary school. The kids are absolutely adorable and I love them already.

My Thursday was killer. I was on campus from 5:50am to 9:00pm. Longest day ever. We had dryland from 6-7:30am, then I had class all day, then stuck around for a little practice (I just worked on the trampoline since I couldn't make our practice time) then had a little break and then had night class. My breaks weren't long enough to go home, so I just tried to get some work done and caught up with some friends. It was so long though and I was exhausted.

The Lord has been so faithful though. Through all of this. He never leaves my side. Really. Just think about that. He is always there! He is always with me. Amazing! It was definitely a week where I had to keep relying on him, keep trusting him and holding my hands open. I'm taking it one day at a time. I have to keep reminding myself of that.

I also had a fantastic conversation with one of my professors about my placement for student teaching next semester. I'm going to be doing track and the schedules conflict quite a bit. I don't get Calvin's spring break, I get the school that I'm at's spring break, which gets interesting because we do a Track Training Trip over spring break. So we talked a lot of things out about trying to make it work so that I can go. He was so understanding and is really willing to work with me. It was totally the Lord. Nothing is completely set, but we started the conversation and it went better than I could have imagined.

After that conversation I was just thinking about how many people have had to be flexible and understanding with my schedule. It just points me straight to God because there is no way in the world all these people would be so willing to work with me, if it wasn't for Him. His hand is in all these situations and he is paving the road for me. I just stand in awe. He is amazing. He's challenging me and I'm learning a lot. Definitely a situation I love to be in. It's hard while your going through it, but it is so fruitful in the end.

This Way and That

2009-09-20T20:34:00.006-04:00

Time management is something that I would consider myself pretty good at. I have learned how to juggle a lot. I feel like God has called me to many different things and the recurring theme is that if he wants me to do them all, he has to do it. I have learned how to say no to things, even good things, and sometimes that is really hard for me. Right now I feel like I am in a place where I have said yes to too much, but at the same time feel called to all the things that I am doing. I am continually praying for direction and want my eyes to be open to the things that are my desire but not God's desire. I currently feel like there is too much. Too much for a 24 hour day. But then I come to my senses and just surrender it to the Lord. If it is his will that I do all that I am doing, it will all work out. I don't have to have it planned out, I don't have to know what every day brings. All he requires of me is that I trust him. And I do.

I know that I just blogged about all of this, but it seemed to come full circle again last night. I went over to my guy friend's house and hung out. I had a really great conversation with two of my friends. Two guys who I truly love and are dear dear friends of mine. We were just being really honest with each other. I loved it. But it was definitely hard. They approached me about my priorities, something that gets hinted at often, and I knew was coming. It was really hard to hear. Like harder than I would have imagined.

I just get so frustrated and feel so torn. One of them straight out said that I put school before relationships and sports before relationships. I don't spend enough time with them. It's true. I didn't even try to argue. I know that I do, and I honestly don't know what to do about it.

Relationships are really important to me. They are. I love building relationships with people and talking and sharing life. When I am at school I get pulled and tugged in so many different directions I don't even know where to begin.

God is my number one priority. I know that. My relationship with him is more important than any relationship I have ever had or will ever have. Without God I can literally do nothing.

And after number one, honestly, I get really confused. I know that I am called to be here at Calvin College and in the Special Education program. I know that and I am confident in it. It requires a lot. The number of hours put into it are more than the credit hours. One of my classes is a four credit class that requires 11 hours a week, and that's not including homework, reading and assignments. It's a lot.

I also know that I am called to be an athlete here at Calvin, and right now (it very well could change) I feel strongly that God has called me to do two sports, well really three if you count indoor and outdoor. It's new, and different, and I don't know if it's been done before, but if it is what the Lord is calling me to, I'm going to do it. And I'm going to do it with excellence. And honestly, I feel like excellence is where I get in trouble.

Young Life has done a great job of teaching me about striving for excellence. You work really really hard and do a lot of work to make something just a little bit better (even if it's something no one will notice). I want to give things 110%. I feel like I don't know how to do differently. It drives me crazy to know that I didn't do something to the best of my ability. I feel like I cheat God and myself.

So in being called to be a student and an athlete and to be them with excellence, it requires that I get a lot of sleep. I know, this probably sounds stupid that sleep would be such a priority in my life, but in order to do the things God has called me to with excellence, I need sleep. I need a lot of sleep. In my family, if you don't sleep, you get sick. Plain and simple. When I'm tired, I don't practice well, I can't pay attention in class and I am a horrible person to be around. I get grumpy and cranky and it's just not a pretty sight. It is also the absolute worst feeling in the world to me. I hate the feeling of not being able to keep my eyes open and not having the capacity to think clearly. I would rather be sick than exhausted, and getting sick because of exhaustion is definitely the worst.

This is getting long. I'm sorry. I say all of this to say that I'm torn. Because I spend so much time on school and sports I have so little time for other things (yet somehow I have so many other things right now). And because of this, it is my relationships that suffer. It was so hard to hear such a good friend tell me he saw me as a friend, but not that good of a friend because I'm never around. I don't want to leave college without any relationships that are going to last.

Even within the realm of relationships, I get torn a lot. With so little time, which relationships do I choose to put time into? My friends from my floor? or the divers? or the swim team as a whole? or the track team? or the people I live with? What about the other college students from Crossroads? Or my friend from home? Or even my family? Then there are people from camp who I love so much. There are so many good and important relationships that require so much of my time. I feel strongly about all of them too. I want to continue the relationships with the divers who I already know, I would love to help mentor a freshman diver who is juggling so many changes. I love my friends from my floor. I am so glad I was able to build relationships outside of my teams. Yet the relationships on a team are so important. Those are the people that support me through the highs and lows of practice and performance; even just life. There is another part of me that wants to pour myself into the college group at Crossroads. There is something different about doing life with people who hear the same messages as you every Sunday and are being challenged in the same areas. I also live in a very intentional community. We are required to have small group once a week. These are all people who share a passion for sports and I want to dive into these relationships as well. I've already really enjoyed getting to know my roommate better. It is totally the Lord that we are living together. And then there is home. I don't even get the chance to talk to my family once a week. I would love to catch up with them everyday, or call my brother and see how the transition to college has been (something special I feel like we share). Or even my sister. Being 5 or 6 hours off makes it really hard to find time to catch up. I literally have to plan it into my day. And then there is Nick. That's a friendship I've put way too much time into to ever just throw away. Or even Michelle. Such a dear friend and someone I can be completely honest with. And I can't forget about camp. Amy, Brittany, all the interns from this year. Even Zach, Chick and Pierre. It is such brief moments of catching up and I wish I could invest so much more. I could keep going. Really. As much as I would absolutely love for all of my time to be dedicated to these relationships, it's just not reality. It's a struggle.

This is not by any means the first time I have dealt with this. I struggle with this often. Very often. I struggled with it a lot this summer. I would work all day, and seriously need sleep in order to do my job well the next day. But night time is when everything happens. I'm not the typical college student. I can't function off of 5 hours of sleep. Not even close.

Last night just made me really try to reconsider things. But at the same time, I don't want to be seeking the approval of others. Such a hard concept sometimes. Someone who's opinion I definitely care about brings something to me, but I feel God calling me somewhere else. Or is it just that I think I'm supposed to be somewhere else and he is using this person to point something out to me? I just get so confused.

Church today was great though. Community group too. I just had to literally surrender every single aspect to the Lord. I just long for his will to be done. It's so hard for me to not know what that is. I feel pulled in every direction. As I was driving home from community group today I was thinking and praying about all of this. It simply comes down to this. God is my top priority. I know that. And because he is my top priority, that means he gets to figure it all out for me, right? I don't know if that's bad logic or theology, but at this point, I'm just sitting still, in his presence, with my hands open. I don't know what else to do, so I will do all I know how to do.

I will wait upon the Lord. Strength will rise as I wait upon the Lord.

Trust

2009-09-16T16:04:00.006-04:00

Why is it so hard to trust God sometimes? Like I know a better way. How rediculous. I think that I can do a better job planning out my life than God can. Oh, how narrow-minded I can be.

I was just sitting here in my living room trying to plan out the next year and a half of my life. Down to the day. Literally. How obsured is that? I want to know exactly what I'm going to do at exactly what time and what day. I have so many thoughts running wild in my head. Diving, pole vaulting, doing two sports, coaching, work, making money for training trip, aiding, student teaching, my placement, small group, alliance dinners, community group, how long it will take to get ready to teach after dryland mornings, diving nationals, indoor nationals, outdoor nationals, puerto rico, spring break, starting student teaching early, ending student teaching late, interning again at Champion, interning again in general, Chicago semester, traveling Europe with my sister, Thanksgiving break, Christmas break, I could keep going. And going, and going. So many thoughts thrown at me all in one instant.

So overwhelming.

And then I stop. And sit.

And am so thankful I don't have to figure it out on my own.

I don't have to have it all worked out right now (as much as I would like to).

I serve a King that is so mighty and so powerful and WILL take care of my every need. How amazing is that?! pretty stinkin' amazing.

I just look at this, all that the Lord has called me to, and say, "God, but how? you only made the day last 24 hours, how do you require so much of me?"

And he looks down at me and says, "You don't have to it. You have to let ME do it. The only way to keep going is to keep your eyes on me."

And oh, that is the desire of my heart. People tell me I'm crazy ALL THE TIME.

Sometimes when I step back and look at it, I think I'm crazy too. But then I remind myself that it's not about me, I'm not doing the work, and this is what God has called me to do. And I can rest in that.

It's an amazing experience to feel the Lord's peace and true rest in the midst of absolute chaos. He is my shalom and I will rest in Him.

Psalm 46:10
"Be still and know that I am God"

MAJOR catch-up

2009-09-13T16:50:00.011-04:00

Wow do I have a lot of catching up to do. The past couple weeks have been packed with excitement, fellowship, lessons, good-byes and reunions. It has been quite a time of transition and I am feeling settled in as I embark on my senior year of college! How crazy is that?! It has absolutely flown by and I have absolutely loved it!

I have been overwhelmed to try and sit down and re-cap the last few weeks, so I am going to do it briefly.

LEACH FAMILY FUN WEEK

Leach family fun week was really fun. Janelle and I both got back on Monday and on Tuesday we were already headed to Busch Gardens for the day. It was so good to go do something all as a family, and I love roller coasters. The lines were ridiculously short so we got to do a ton! We barely waited in line and literally just walked onto one of the coasters.

We rode in the front for this one and it was awesome!

Love this little guy!

Escape from Pompei!

Such a proud aunt!

Wednesday we just hung out as a family and Thursday we moved Justin into college! It was so fun to be apart of freshman move-in and I am so excited for him!

The whole family!

My baby brother is all grown up!

Friday and Saturday my grandparents joined us and it was great to see them. We just hung out, went to the pool and ate A LOT of Bryers ice cream.

Sunday, my parents, Katie, Jack, Janelle and I all went to New Jersey! The suposidly 6 hour trip took 9.5 on the way there. Jack did absolutely amazing and is seriously the best kid ever. I hope mine are as easy as he is!

Mimi showing Jack how to sleep in the car (she's an expert!) :)

Jack decided he wanted to take the car for a spin

Cousins!

Monday all of us, including my cousins, aunt and grandma went to the Central Park Zoo in New York city. It was really fun. We saw some great animals, but it was also just fun to walk around the city and Central Park.

The whole gang!

My cute little Nan! She is so precious!

Tuesday we went home and the 6 hour trip took 8 hours. Still, not as bad, but still long. There was a change of plans because we didn't want to hit Labor Day weekend traffic driving to MI and on Wednesday, Katie, Jack, my mom and I drove to Richmond. Katie and Jack needed a ride back and my mom and I were able to get an hour and a half under our belts for our 14 hour drive.

Thursday morning my mom and I left Richmond at about 4:45am. I was seriously dreading the drive and just wanted to get there. We stopped once to fill up on gas and go to the bathroom, but other than that we drove straight through. We took the Suburban, so having a 40 gallon tank was great for not wanting to stop. We made it in 11 hours and 23 minutes. I was SO glad to get here!

BACK AT CALVIN

A couple days before we left my parents so graciously asked if having a car at school would be helpful. We discussed the costs of things and I decided it was worth it. So I now have a car at school! What an incredible blessing! So my mom drove down with me and then flew back on Monday. It was so so so good to have her here! She was so helpful and constantly looking for something to do and ways to bless me. We were able to get all of my things together and settled in. We did a lot of shopping, going out to eat and just hanging out. It was so much fun and so amazing! We went yard saling on Saturday and got some great deals and all the things we were looking for. Yard saling in Michigan is so different and so much better than any other place we've gone. I love it.

Monday I took my mom to the airport and then went with a bunch of friends to Lake Michigan. (They call it the beach here, but it's really the lake.) It was so good to see everyone and catch up. I definitely missed everyone this summer. We got back from the lake and went to a bbq at someone's house and then watched a movie. It is so good to be back.

The first week of classes was great. Teacher aiding and diving both haven't started yet, so that has been really nice. I didn't have class on Monday, Wednesday or Friday last week, and I don't again this week. It's been so nice to have that extra time to get things done and catch up with people. They both start on the 21st, so that week may be utter chaos, but what's new?

I'm excited for where things are headed and am so thankful and grateful when at I look back at where I have been. This summer was absolutely amazing and more than I could have asked for. I miss Champion so much and have had many dreams that I am back there and with those people again. But it is also so great to look at where God has me right now. The transition has been smooth (thanks to my mom!) and I am excited for what this year brings. I have to constantly remind myself to walk each day with open hands. It's not about what I think will happen, what I want to happen or what my plan is. It is all in his hands and by the grace of God.

I am going to continue my blog, even though I'm not at camp anymore, and hopefully it will be shorter posts more often. :)

Final Week

2009-08-29T16:12:00.013-04:00

The last week at camp was a lot of fun. We had a lot of lasts and a lot of treasured memories. We were three interns down and I missed them all dearly. It was a sad and reflective week, but we also had a complete blast because we wanted to make the most of it. Many mixed emotions.

My last night was a ton of fun! We went hot tubing in the pouring down rain, which was awesome!
We then went back to Hawk's Nest (where the interns live) and built a HUGE fort in our lobby and all slept in it cause it was a bunch of people's last night.
We watched a movie, and then at three in the morning we made our way over to the camp office where we decided to leave a little gift for our fantastic bosses. :)
The Guest Service office got about 1,000 plastic spoons put in it. In coat pockets, desk drawers, file cabinets, windowsills, anywhere and everywhere! Even on their porch outside. It was tons of fun and hopefully they will be finding spoons for years to come. That way, they won't forget us :)
Then we decided to "post-it" Chad's office. Chad is the head of Lake Champion and we covered his whole office in 5,200 post-its. It looked awesome!

It was a ton of fun and a great way to end the summer!

The next day we had the whole camp with absolutely no campers, assignment staff, summer staff, or work crew. It was awesome! Back to how things were at the very beginning of the summer. We took the boats out and played. I took Melissa for her first boat ride at Champion, we went tubing and wakeboarding, fished, went on the zip line and just hung out. It was awesome!

We then went out to dinner at Olive Garden and stopped to take pictures on Hawks Nest road on the way. I've wanted to take pictures there all summer. It is gorgeous! Yes, that is a VERY large drop behind us. I was a little nervous. That is also the Delaware River behind us, which we canoed down at the very beginning of the summer!

Love them and miss them so much!

Intern Banquet!

2009-08-27T18:42:00.009-04:00

Well, I really wasn't good at keeping up with my blog this summer, but hopefully with school I'll be better. I can't guarantee it, but I'll try.

A week before camp ended we had an intern banquet to close out the summer. It was SO much fun! We all got dressed up and had a really nice dinner. We did worship, wrote each other notes and watched our intern slide show from the summer. It was a great start to our closing of the summer.

I thoroughly missed Krissa because she had already left, but I survived. Our group didn't feel complete, but we still had a lot of fun.

It was an awesome time of reflection and seeing all that the Lord had done in my life and in our group. He is so faithful! During worship I was overwhelmed with gratitude and thankfulness that God brought me to camp for the summer. It was such an amazing opportunity and I learned and grew so much! (future blogs will go further) The banquet was so awesome though!

Me and Annie (my roommate!)

Me and Lisa. I miss her dearly!

All the girls (minus Krissa) at the lake

Me and Britt

CHOCK!

Way too much trouble for one picture...

Matt ShorTTTT

The whole gang! Krissa is in there in spirit!

Charlie

Kyle and Kathy! Two of my favorites ever!

Changing

2009-08-20T08:37:00.008-04:00

Well, all the babies are gone as well as my dear mother. They left a while ago, I just haven't had the time to write. Young Lives always seems to be my favorite week, and I was sad to see them all go. It was a fantastic week. It was a great break on the waterfront, we got to sleep in a little more, and I loved loving on the babies and girls. It was so much fun. I got to hang out with Kia a little bit and have been praying for her. She has my email and phone number, so hopefully we'll stay in touch. It's kind of crazy that God has placed us in each other's lives. She really has a place in my heart.

Me and Kia!

Another really fun thing was that my mom was able to connect with one of the moms in the pod she was in. Douglas was her favorite and she prayed for that little boy and his mother like crazy. His mom didn't stand up for the say so, but she seemed to have a little more of an open heart by the time she left. She seemed to really like my mom, but hey, who can resist. (Mom, did you write her yet?!)

My mom didn't want me to take this picture, but isn't it priceless! This is her with Douglas and his mom.

It was so awesome to see and hang out with my mom! I had so much fun. I got to see her more than I was expecting. While I was working, she would visit at the waterfront, and while she was working, I would go hold babies. So much fun. I love that she got to see the inside of Young Life and see why I'm so addicted to it. I get to be a part of people's lives changing. It's amazing; and it's all because of Jesus.

Me and Douglas! He is so adorable!

Last week and this week we've had Urban Young Life and there was a bit of a transition in our schedule. We're back to the 5:45 mornings with canoe breakfast and wakeboarding and late nights with the pool and hot tub open. Last week was definitely a challenge, but it really made me rely on the Lord for strength. When I have sleep taken away from me, I'm not such a happy camper, but last week I really felt the Lord asking me, "Do you trust me? Do you really trust me enough to meet every need?" I really felt the Lord last week and he got me through, I don't really know how. But that's the Lord for ya. Beyond what we think we know.

Today is day 4 of my last week here. We have a great group of campers here, ones I've been waiting for all summer. There is a group from NY that I remember really well from last year, and they've been a blast to have around. So a great week to end on, but as it comes to an end there is so much to reflect on, and so many good byes. I leave in four days.

Krissa left about a week ago, a little unexpectedly, too soon, but it was where the Lord wanted her. She had a good friend, basically a brother cause he used to live with them, pass away a couple weeks ago. So she went home early to make it to the funeral and being from California, it wasn't worth it to come back. We miss her dearly. The good byes already started.

Me and Krissa! I miss her!

Four days ago Sam and Chocklett both left. Two of my favorite people. They are awesome and it was a blast hanging out with them this summer. It is just so crazy that it is all ending. It FLEW by. Faster than I thought it would. It's been such an amazing journey. I've learned a lot and I think I have a lot to take away from it all. Before Sam and Chocklett left we had our final intern banquet. It was awesome, but I'll save that for another post.

Me and Sam!

Me and Chocklett!

Baby Central

2009-08-06T22:47:00.003-04:00

Camp has turned into baby central, and I love it! The past couple days have been really easy and relaxing. The pace of Young Lives is much much slower than normal Young Life. There are a ton less campers, and they all have kids, so things are done in a nonchalant way. And there are babies everywhere! It is awesome!

Tuesday we turned camp around in order to get ready for 100 babies on camp. There are strollers, pack n' plays, diapers, toys, high chairs, bottles and babies everywhere! It took a good chunk of the day to get everything set up and the campers got here yesterday.

My mom is a caretaker this week and when I have free time I get to go to her pod and hold babies. Best week ever.

My friend Kia, from last year, is here! Praise the Lord! It was so great to see her, and I really hope I get a chance to get to know her better this year. Please pray for her. Her daughter didn't come with her because she is too old and she is currently pregnant, so there are a lot of activities she can't do. Please pray that Jesus captures her heart.

Please pray for all the girls. When their lives are changed, their babies lives are immediately changed. We're dealing with generations. The Kingdom is going to be growing this week! Thank you Jesus. Please pray that the girls would be open to the Gospel and recognize their need for him. He is a worthy God.

Full of Family Fun!

2009-08-04T17:43:00.019-04:00

The past couple days have been amazing! The Lord continues to bless me in so many ways and makes things work out better than I could have imagine.

Monday was my day off, so the plan was that Sunday night I would go to Uncle Ted's (mom's brother) lake house in New Jersey, hang out on Monday and my mom and I (who was dropped off by my dad) would drive here to camp. My mom is helping out with Young Lives this week as a babysitter. Young Lives is for high school girls who have kids, so they need babysitters for when the moms are in activities. So that was the plan.

Well, Saturday as we were closing we had both of our boats break. They have had trouble starting for a while, and it just came to the point that they wouldn't start anymore. So as Lisa and I are finishing up with the boats and everything we have to do to take them in to the shop, she tells me that I should just leave that night and take Sunday off. I told her it was fine and I didn't need to. That went on for a while. We now had two extra summer staffers because we weren't going to be able to drive tubes the next day and so she would be fine on help. Her and Bob are always telling me that I need to take a day off and that I work too much. I kept saying that it was fine and I didn't need to. I finally told Lisa that I would call my parents and see what they were doing and where they were. The original plan was that they were going to see my Aunt Judy (mom's sister) for a night before they went to the lake house, but as things go in the Leach family, plans always change. So I call my parents and they were on their way to my aunts. I ate dinner and left.

My Aunt's house is only about an hour and a half away, which is nothing here considering it takes 30 minutes to get to the smallest town ever and an hour to get to normal civilization. So I borrowed Lisa's car and Doug's GPS and headed to New Jersey. I got to see my Aunt, my two cousins, my second cousin and my dad, all of which I wasn't expecting to see! It was awesome.

We sat out back and just talked and had dessert and got to spend time with the fam. I loved it. We all stayed the night and then my aunt and cousins were leaving the next morning to go to the beach. So my mom and I packed up and headed to the lake house and my dad headed home to get back so he could go to work the next day.

Kim, Aunt Judy, Madison, Me and Nicole

Me and Madison!

We picked up my grandma and headed to the lake. I love my uncle's lake house! I love being there. My cousin has a lake house two houses away as well (the lake house my mom had growing up) and it is so much fun there! It was pouring down rain, so we were just inside talking and hanging out. I got to see my cousin Teddy who I love, and his three kids who are growing up so fast! I love spending time with family.

The rain stopped at one point and Teddy turned to me and asked if I wanted to go play on the Jet-Skis. A question like that does not need to be asked twice! My uncle has one, Teddy has one, and one of Teddy's friends had one stored at his house. We went out on the lake and it was so much fun!

I even convinced my mom to come! That was a miracle. I told her I would go slow. That didn't last too long. It was so much fun! We just drove around for a while, then Teddy, his friend and I took them out around the whole lake. It was awesome. Being on the water is literally one of my favorite things ever. It was so much fun. I enjoyed every minute of it.

My mom and me!

All of this excitement wouldn't have happened if I didn't get Sunday off. God is so good. Both boats broke on the same day, within 30 minutes of each other, because of something that had been getting better and worse all summer, and because of all of that, I got to spend some really amazing time with my family. I loved playing with my second cousins and hanging out with everyone, it was a fantastic weekend and a great time away from camp.

Then Monday, my mom and I left the lake around noon, which was earlier than I had originally planned because I was able to spend the day before hanging out. We left and stopped off at a little shopping village on the way that my Aunt Lynn had told us about. It was the cutest little shopping place ever and it was so much fun! There were really awesome deals and I got some great things for teaching. My mom and I just got to hang out all day and it was awesome.

And now my mom is here for a week! I am so excited that she gets to see the inside of Young Life and see how things run and what exactly goes on here. Young Lives is my favorite week and I am really looking forward to these amazing girls coming and the camp being filled with babies! There was a girl named Kia that I really connected with last year and I am hoping and praying that she comes again this year. Last year we had both talked about being here this year and I really really hope she comes and I get to see her.

I am trying to be better at all of this, sorry they get so long. I love details and I tell long stories. That's just what you get with me :)

Major Catch-up

2009-07-30T20:21:00.013-04:00

(Okay, so I wrote this like 5 days ago and need to get more pictures, which is why I haven't posted it yet, but I'm just going to anyway. I'll edit it and post more pictures shortly, I have to get them from other people, so for now, here it is.)

I can't believe it's only been 10 days since I last wrote. I feel like it's been a month and I'm way behind. So much has happened, and I've wanted to write so many times, but just haven't had the time.

My week without Lisa here went okay. It was busy and hard, but by God's grace I got through it and was able to savor the last couple days with our second session waterfront crew. I was definitely exhausted, but the Lord got me through it, and it definitely made me appreciate Lisa.

A while ago on our day off we went cliff jumping. It was so much fun! I had been wanting to go for a long time, and we finally got around to doing it. It was definitely a thrill and we had some good intern bonding time. That morning we also did the ropes course just for fun and it was awesome. I love the swing at the end! It was a day full of high heights and adrenaline. It was awesome.

Pamper pole. There is no way I could jump that far!

Then that week we went bowling as a whole intern group for Bible Study. We had the whole alley to ourselves and it was the place where you keep your own score. It was so much fun! I was in a lane with Kyle (who I think I've mentioned as one of my favorite people ever, he's on property staff here) so of course my goal for the night was to beat him. He's actually a really good bowler, and my bowling skills have gone down the drain. But I did beat him! Yay! I was really excited, just because I get to rub it in his face. (granted, he got 170 something the first game while I got like 80 something, and then I beat him by a couple points the second game, but hey, a win is a win.) Don't worry, I'm not at all competitive :) But it was a really fun night and we all went out for ice cream afterwards.

Kyle and me!

Some of the guys dressed up. Chocklett looked ridiculous, yet somehow pulled it off.

Matt Shortt and I with our shakes!

Our second session summer staffers have left and our third session has arrived. I have to say, I was so sad to see our July session leave. I really enjoyed getting to know them and working with them. They were a fantastic group of people who have hearts for the Lord. It was amazing to see the changes in them in the month that they were here. They really embraced the experience and stepped up to the plate. We had a great last couple days and they definitely finished strong. I miss them all dearly.

On switch over day I was able to spend time with my best friend Amy! It was amazing! I met Amy here, at Champion, last year during summer staff, and somehow, over the past year, we've managed to stay in really good touch with each other. I hadn't seen her since Thanksgiving, and it was SO awesome to see her again. We were able to catch up, and hang out, and it was really super awesome. She came to visit just for one night, but I loved every minute of it. I love that girl dearly, and as we are oh so different, which makes me laugh, we are real with each other and challenge each other in our walks with the Lord. Through her, God has shown me what fellowship looks like, and I love it. It was so amazing to see her!

While second session is gone, it is great to welcome in nine new waterfront summer staffers. We definitely have a great group and I am looking forward to getting to know them better. It is a lot of work though. I have to build relationships with them, we had to go through and train all over again and just getting to know them takes time. I am excited though. August is such a great session to work since it is our "off" month, meaning we have groups other than the normal suburban high school young life. Right now we have wyld life kids (middle school), next week is young lives (teenage moms) and the next is urban. I'm super stoked. I know the Lord has so much still to teach me.

The summer is nearing it's end and it makes me so sad. It has flown by faster than I could have ever imagined. I knew it would be fast, but I never thought it would be this fast. I have loved it. Ever minute of it. This is the most amazing job anyone could ever have. The Lord has been teaching me a lot as well. So many little things in so many different ways and areas of my life. My heart is on fire though. I want to tell the world about Jesus. I want to share the gospel with every person I meet, even those who have heard it hundreds of times. It gets better and better every time. It makes me realize how in need of his grace I am. This has been an amazing season so far, it's definitely not over quite yet, but I've been loving it.

Sorry this is getting really long, but one other thing I wanted to add in, was the amazing night I had the other night. We had Bible study on a different night than we typically do because of the changes in our schedule due to it being wyld life and not young life. Bible study night all of the interns have off, and we all had off the next day as well. So we had Bible study, which was great, then went over to Cory and Jess' house and had milk shakes, and then we finally went over to canoe breakfast. We've been talking about doing it all summer, and we finally did it. We had every single intern go over to the other side of the lake and we built a fire and sat around and got to know each other better. It was a miracle that we were all together; all seventeen of us. That never happens. We sat around the fire and played hot seat, which essentially is ask someone a bunch of questions and get to know them better. I loved it. It was my favorite night here so far. We were out until like 3 in the morning, which everyone here can tell you, is WAY past my bedtime. But I loved it, and I enjoyed every minute of it.

The next day we all slept in, I played frisbee golf with some of the interns, it started raining while we were playing, after that I went for a run in the pouring down rain. I'm not really a running in the rain kind of person, but I absolutely loved it! I just got to pray, and exercise and spend time with the Lord. It was so much fun, I enjoyed it so much! We then all went into town and went to the mall, a couple interns got tattoos and we went and hung out with them. It was really fun. We were all together for the majority of the two days and it was such a sweet time of team building and getting to know one another better. My favorite thing ever. The Lord continues to bless me in so many ways.